Just sneak an iPod into their backpacks and send ‘em to Anderson County schools:
“Students who violate the rule for carrying the ‘personal devices,’ such as iPods, face consequences ranging from verbal reprimands and confiscation of the device to corporal punishment and expulsion, depending upon such factors as whether it’s their first or third offense.” (The Oak Ridger: April 14, 2006)
Ah, the heydays of that income tax refund were short and sweet. Welcome back to broke living.
Unfortunately, broke living and toothaches don’t go well together. GAC, through no fault of her own, has lousy assed teeth, and we have an ACTION PLAN to get those bastards whipped into shape. However, even with my pretty good dental insurance, this action plan involves about 1800 bucks, of which we may have paid 500 or so.
So, thought I, where can I fellow find some money… and that day my meager 401k earnings statement came in.
Now, I know what you’re thinking. "AT, you dumbass, a 401k is designed to save up for the days when then wine and honey have run out, and you’re old and decrepid and all the work has been squeezed out of your still living bones. If you cash it out now, you’re screwing yourself over!"
And you’d be right. But my retirement plans hinge on mooching off MastaG, so its OK. Check it out, here’s the breakdown of my retirement. Keep in mind, also, that this works in tandem with my 5 year plan.
As you can clearly see, I will be mooching off MastaG for a large part of my income. I also plan on milking the last milky dregs of social security, and the Other category includes things like selling drugs, scamming other senior citizens, and graverobbery.
I also know that its going to cost about 30% of the money, because evidently bottom middle classness isn’t considered a ‘hardship’. Go figure. Still tho, it’d wind up being about 1300 bucks that GAC’s teeth could totally use.
However, I’m being hampered, because this 401K is still with the company I used to work for, and its a very low priority for them to meet me to do the paperwork. Thats the real rub here, and whats completely pissing me off about it. Hell, its bad enough I have to meet with those people in that evil place, but to go there for a meeting and then find out nobodys there to meet me, well, thats just wrong.
Those are totally the people I’m going to be scamming when they’re old and senile…