Atomictumor

Around this time every year, we at AT HQ are beseiged, nay, taken hostage by ants. I suspect they were born in the vast pools of nuclear waste they keep telling us don’t exist. These aren’t your typical irradiated ants, though. Instead of being gigantic insects with pincers the size of Detroit, these are tiny, insignificant bugs. They’re what I’ve always called sugar ants.
No, I think their radiation-based superpower is the ability to break down into subatomic particles. They break down, move through a solid object, say a wall, and then reconfigure into innocent ants. Otherwise, how the hell do they keep getting into my house?
I suppose in the greater scheme of things, an ant infestation is less disturbing than a roach or rat infestation, but year after year of this shit gets really old. The first summer we lived in this house, AT made an awesome chocolate cake. He put it in one of those tupperware cake holders and left it on the counter. The next day, I opened the lid and looked on in horror as the icing undulated over the surface. A layer of ants covered the entire surface. I carried the whole thing outside, stifling my gag reflex along the way.
Usually the ants are only concerned with the kitchen, but during their peak time, I have to constantly sweep up after the boys, because if there’s a crumb on the floor, the damn ants will find it. It’s a shame we can’t train them to sniff out bombs. Even PETA wouldn’t shed a tear over massive ant casualties.

This entry was posted on Thursday, July 13th, 2006 at 3:09 pm and is filed under Food, Household, Fearmongering, Rant, Freaky, Local, Yuck!. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. Both comments and pings are currently closed.