July 16th, 2006 by The Bosphorus
Tomorrow is my thirtieth birthday, so today the missus threw a party for me. Have I said what a wonderful thing that was? It was and thanks Mrs Eaves.
Most folks have asked me if I’ve had any thoughts about turning thirty. It’s one of those decade marking birthdays and I suppose it deserves some attention. I think I could act as if it were nothing and then it would be. I’ve come to see that that would be to my loss. The stoic attitude, which is something I’ve tried to maintain, doesn’t always deliver the goods. There, in a nutshell, is what I’ve come to realize on my thirtieth birthday.
This all hit me last night as I was working throught some thoughts. You see it occured to me that I do not like to admit that I feel any particular way at a given moment. This may concern what I want for lunch, or it may have to do with what I want for my birthday. I can admit to enjoying something like a movie, a dinner, or some event after the fact. Ask me where I want to eat tonight and a lack of feeling move in upon me.
I do not think I am being consciously dishonest. I don’t usually have a desire about where to eat in response to that afore mentioned question. (Keep in mind here that the Where to Eat Question is a stand in for all sorts of questions.) It is my workplace’s tradition to bring birthday cake on a person’s birthday. My boss asked me what sort of cake I wanted. Fog moved into my skull. “Oh, I don’t know,” I said. Then I suggested what cake we’d just been talking about, instead of what I sort of knew what I really wanted.
There it is. I don’t think I’m completely oblivious to what I want. I think it’s like when you don’t exercise and your muscles start to flop around. I believe that by not admitting to wants, desires, etc your capacity to recognize and deal with those desires diminishes. This isn’t best way to live. It seems to me to be related to GAC’s honesty initiative.
It’s easiest for me think about this in religious terms. The capacity to recognize and deal with desire in right relation to God (or what ever. It doesn’t have to be theistic language. Buddhism is very big on “right relation” to any given object. Enviromentalism has much to say as well.) is of utmost importance to me. My stoic denial of wants and blah, blah, blah is in turn a denial of something greater than myself (i.e. God). This leads into another kettle of fish, however, and it’s getting later and nearer to my actual birthday. So, I’m going to wrap this up.
I’m a very blessed man with my family, my friends and even my work. Turning thirty then is good.
July 17th, 2006 at 8:07 am
Happy B-day, bos.
July 17th, 2006 at 1:21 pm
I completely understand what you mean about opinions. I used to be a very opinionated person. I still am, I guess, but it’s almost like they’re diluted. I think that over the years I’ve found it’s easier to get along without opinions, letting other people make decisions, however unimportant, for me. By doing so, I have to think a lot less and I can avoid making unpopular decisions.
I know it’s a bad thing to let this go on, and I’m working on fixing it. It’s like part of me has decided it knows everything it’s ever going to learn, and that things will never change, so it can just go on with the status quo. So, uh, look forward to me being bossy, I guess.
July 17th, 2006 at 1:40 pm
Woot.