Atomictumor

Since its a slow news day, I want to dedicate some thought to that most exciting of jobs, the bass player in the rockin’ band that is local politics, the Trustee. In this election, we choose between John “Mama’s Boy” Stair and “Rowdy” Rodney Archer.

I haven’t known much about this particular issue, other than that Rodney having gone to high school with GAC, and voted for the rock quarry (which earned some enmity amongst some of those AC’ers further eastward). Of Stair I knew that his mom does the trustee job now. Hella qualifications.

I watched the two face off on one of those channel 12 debate shows yesterday, and man, I’ll tell you what, Johnny didn’t come off too well. In fact, Rodney handed his verbal ass to him in terms of eloquence, intelligence, and seeming capability.

Truth is, in all my years of in-depth political analysis, I have never seen a candidate for public office aqquit himself so poorly. Big John’s platform seemed entirely based on the “my parent did it” position, which only works for presidential elections (as we all know). The Rod is talking about putting tax payments online (wish they would do it for Oak Ridge Electric payments, but thats another post), and starting up a satellite office so we Ridgerians don’t have to drive way out to Clinton to drop that big county property check.

The Stairmeister, par for the course for this election, countered this idea by playing the “expensive” card, which seems silly to somebody familiar with websites and pricing. He continued by questioning L’Archer’s qualifications, which, as I understand it, broke down something like this:

Seems to me that really breaks down qualifications. I mean, I don’t want to toot Archer’s horn (it isn’t gentlemenly, and I still have a lingering dislike of insurance agents), but it seems obvious to me that Stair’s only ace in the hole is Mama Stair running the show.

In case you didn’t already know, the Oak Ridge City Council meets tomorrow night, July 24, at 7:30pm. I think if you are a city resident and you are at all concerned about the effects of the Council’s actions on our school children you should go too.

I plan to address the council at tomorrow night’s meeting. If you want to address the council as well, but are at a loss for words, here’s what I’m going to say:

I am the father of two students at Willow Brook Elementary School. My family is fortunate to live just outside the one mile radius of the school. My children are therefore eligable for bus service. The other night I was talking to my son, who just started Kindergarten. He said that one of his classmates is a walker. Now think about that for a moment. A kindergartener is walking to and from school. I hope she has an adult to walk with her. I hate to imagine, though, the circumstances that would force a parent to send a kindergarten child walking to school. So, I want to pose this question to everybody who benefits from the stable tax this council is responsible for. Is your benefit worth the jeopardy that it places this kindergartener under?

Hope to see you there.

watched the news this week
reminds me of cold war days
eastern enemies

i want to retreat
turn it off and hide away
safe here from rockets

but then i look out
at record heatwaves outside
turn the a/c up

burn the energy
that comes from the fossil fuels
we use so quickly

and buy from those that
fire rockets at children
did i pay for that?

is the tv on?
maybe another beer will
calm me down again

but damn, its so hot
they say the greenhouse effect
created Venus

suns radiation
trapped by carbon dioxide
keeps getting hotter
liquid metal lakes
acid raining from the sky
could it have been green?

i put down my beer
and look out in the back yard
at the browning grass

We decided to splurge today and take the kids to the theater.  I took MastaG to see Pirates of the Caribbean 2 while AT took Pigpen to see Cars.  Both movies were a big success, entertaining children and adults alike.
And once again I was reminded about how much I hate people.  There are certain characters that can be found at every movie theater in America.  I’m gonna break it down for you folks.

The Talker:  Everyone knows this asshole.  There’s not much to say about him, other than we all hate him.  Bastard.

The Reader:  This one is usually found only at foreign movies where subtitles are used, but if you stick around for the credits, you may encounter the Reader at any film, performing a running dialogue of make-up artists’ names and song titles.

The Explainer:  The Explainer is usually found in kids’ movies.  They assume that the child (or any person within hearing distance) is too stupid to understand what the hell they’re watching.

That One Guy who Wears Too Much Cologne:  Easy to sniff out and avoid, unless he gets there after you and traps you in your seat.  Beware his stench.

The Laugher:  Usually a dumpy woman in her mid-40’s, the Laugher finds everything funny.  While I’m sure that’s good for her blood pressure, it does shit all for mine.

The Late Asshole:  Some people cheat the system and time their entrance to avoid those pesky commercials and sometimes irritating previews, but the true Late Asshole wanders in well after the movie has actually started, and usually picks a seat right next to you.

The Parent Who Couldn’t be Arsed to Get a Babysitter:  Easily one of the most hated of all movie-goers, TPWCBATGAB constantly interupts the flow of the movie by taking their child in and out of the theater, threatening, cajoling, or ignoring their fussy baby or small child.  A swift kick to the nuts (or ovaries) is heartily advised, to ensure they do not have more children with which to interrupt future movie-going experiences.

The Parent with the Kid Who’s Way Too Young to See This Movie:  This isn’t to be confused with The Parent Who Couldn’t be Arsed to Get a Babysitter.  The PWTKWWTYTSTM takes youngsters to extremely gory, scary and violent movies and then ignores the child as it wails and begs to leave.

The Schmuck with the Phone:  TURN IT OFF, YOU SELFISH PRICK!

The Litterer:  While not really a nuisance to the average movie-goer, the Litterer is the one responsible for the sticky floor and the half-empty tub of popcorn you step in on your way out.

The Mouth-Breather:  Usually sitting beside you or directly behind you, you can hear his moist inhalations any time there’s a quiet scene.

The Kicker:  Often a child, but not always, the Kicker is the one that always sits behind you.

The Predictor (or Dionne Warwick):  That one asshole who blabs early and often about how the movie’s going to end.  Usually encountered in movies with twist endings which you have valiantly avoided thus far.

“Ningún luchar en el espacio de la guerra!!! HA HA HA HA!”