Atomictumor

Watching Courage the Cowardly Dog a minute ago…

MastaG: “I think that bird’s gender confused”.

Tis’ the season when the Boxelder bugs come crawling inside the house. We like to call them dumbbugs at the Cemestos Gardens, because they have next to zero sense of self-preservation. They come in out of the cold and that’s about it. Luckily they’re harmless.

Don’t ever plant a Boxelder tree nearby your home, unless you want the bugs that come with it.

So on my way home from lunch today, I was enjoying this beautiful kind of weather that makes you want to grab your best girl and yodel, while stopped at a redlight. An eternal red light.

I was in the right lane, and some massive SUV was in the left, pulled up about 3 feet further than me, so as to obscure my left view. King Kong could have been back there, and I wouldn’t have known. Unless he was noisy. Or smelled funny.

You know, King Kong probably would have some serious smell. He’d also have dander the size of a bison frise. But thats not the point here.

No, the point was a landscaper, having sat through the green light that was in his favor, seized on the opportunity to ford the road as the light was set to let us go.

I, as is my usual want, was in the process of revving the engine of the Volvo to the point of a shrill scream and looking around, daring anybody on the road to try their luck with me. As the light turned green, I threw the beast into first with a maniacal laugh, and flew out from the intersection, right as the hapless idiot picked that moment to wander out from his hiding spot in front of the SUV.

Quel dumbass, oui. But how much would that have been worth?

Well, good question. According to Death Race 2000 canonical rules, unfortunately, it would only be worth 20 points, which seems a bit lopside, considering that infants and the elderly are worth multiples of that. What the hell?

Wouldn’t it be the harder target that’d be worth the most points? I figure an adult male landscaper would have to be worth something, if for no reason that the signifigant girth of the man and the weedeater that the fellow was holding would probably dent the car up. I mean, its swedish steel, which is totally hard, but its also as aerodynamic as the Sears Tower, so its not like anybody’s going to roll over it.

Ah well, its a moot point.

I had a dream last night.

I was over at a really nice, big house somewhere in Oak Ridge.  I was either dropping or picking up my eldest.  The woman of the house was one of those perfect types: well-coiffed, well-dressed, baking some sort of cake, sipping on a latte and generally being of a snooty nature.

After I’d been there a while, she said that she thought I was finally ready to be brought into the Oak Ridge fold.  I was ecstatic!  Yay!  I’m finally good enough for Oak Ridgers!

AT and I came over the next day and there were a ton of other couples, all similar to the original perfect housewife.  It was our debutante ball, apparently.  We were paraded around, from rich couple to rich couple and introduced.  I think at one point I made a toast to Oak Ridge with my coffee mug.

Someone asked me if I had a Cadillac, what color would I pick?  The choices were cream, brown, pink and seafoam green.  I went with the green.  That was the wrong answer.  Then AT said some things that ought not be said in front of people that snobby, and we were told to leave.

*Sigh*  We’ll never fit in…

Constituent talking here now.

Folks, you’ve been at the job now for what, 20 minutes, and you’re already pissing everybody off?

Its bad enough that the county has been hellbent on cockblocking damn near everything that Oak Ridge (and Clinton) does, and that the leadership is shady as hell, but to shut the public out of a public meeting, without protest from one of you bozos is unforgivable (ahh, to be in Creasey country, backed by a man with the gonads to stand up for the public record).

This isn’t a good start, and seems that everybody who publishes something around here has started taking you people to task for it (I’m curious to see the Observer’s take on this, who employs Biloski).

Want my advice?  Get your sorry asses in front of a keyboard or a microphone and explain why you did it (and the ‘questions in private’ line is pretty lame), and don’t do it again.

The county government is getting under tight scrutiny, and the next few years of your term will be mighty damn uncomfortable if you end up under the microscope as well.

Remember who you’re out there serving, dammit!