Earlier today, an altercation between a 4 year old caucasian male and a 2 year old treadmill was reported. Upon further investigation, it appears that the treadmill inferred something rude about the white male’s mother.  A scuffled ensued but was quickly broken up by male’s grandfather. Minor lacerations were incurred, but the party refused medical attention. No charges were pressed at the time of publication.
We have this retangular stoneware baking sheet for our toaster oven that’s really handy. It’s great for fixing single or double servings of late night snacks like tater tots, pizza, or tasty chicken nuggets.
The trouble is that a sticky honey-like substance has appeared on the underside of the sheet. This stuff is impossible to clean off. Hot water, soapy suds, Bar Keeper’s Friend could not even do away with it. It’s as if the golden ooze is able to self-replicate.
I asked the Missus the other day if she’d notice this golden ooze. She had noticed it and made a staggering suggestion as to its origin.
“This might disgust you,” she said, “but I believe it’s those chicken nuggets of yours.”
“Arrggg,” I wailed, “not the nuggets!”
“I’m afraid so,” she went on, “I first noticed that golden ooze after you started heating those nuggets up.”
-sigh-
That means no more Tyson Chicken Nuggets for me. Stupid modern prepackaged food.
IF loud noises scare babies.
AND
IF people who scare babies are assholes
THEN
People who drive loud vehicles are assholes.
There, I’ve justified it.