November 4th, 2006 by Atomictumor
I feel relief, and hope. Fatigue, numbness, headache too.
We just got back from visiting her, and she responded to me. She’s sedated, but not paralyzed, and as I talked to her she squeezed my hand. I have no doubt she was doing it to communicate. She did it a few times.
Guys, I’ve been an armchair athiest for years, and now I find myself the proverbial guy casting about for salvation in stormy waters. I think GAC sees God. I think she squeezed my hand to tell me so.
This is hard for an objective person like me to admit, but I think God is there and that she is being taken care of by it (he, her, it, whatever).
If I were reading this a month ago, I’d think its the words of somebody in shock and grief and searching for any sign of any chance of a hope. I’d dismiss it.
I can’t do it anymore. I sincerely believe that she is in the hands of a higher power, and that she is being protected, and that she will come back to us.
Back to the hard facts of the situation, her BP is back up to about 80-90, which is great news. Her temp is down to 99. Pulse is around 134. She’s producing about 30-50 ccs of urine an hour. Her poor cute sweet toes are blue, as are her hands, because of all the blood pressure medication. She’s still on maximum dosages of everything. Shes puffy, and has tubes, and machines, and medicines pumping through her.
As her family was talking to her, she kept trying to rouse, and I’d say “BJ, baby, its not time to get up now. I know you don’t like taking orders from me, but you need to go to sleep”. Then I’d yak at her. I’d talk about watching our kids grow up. I’d talk about being old together, about how I wanted to be a crotchedy old man, and she be the sweet old lady who tells me “Oh, shut the hell up AT, they’re just kids, and they’re having a good time”.
Its still dire. I like that word, Mom used it earlier, and I’m totally picking up on it.
I’m intellectualizing right now. The emotion comes in waves, and I’m on a emotion free wave. My eyes are sore, my head hurts. I only ate a little bit of that Wendys burger (well, half) and my stomach feels full. The grief diet. Good stuff. Probably almost as good as the damn-near-dead-by-mystery-bacteria diet.
Oh yeah, that reminds me, they still don’t know the root cause, but are thinking maybe an infection from a tooth that had been abcessed a few weeks ago. She took Keflex for it, and evidently thats giving them something to work on.
I could care less what caused it. I don’t give a fuck. Doesn’t matter in the least.
I don’t care if she loses her toes.
I don’t care if she can’t walk, speak, see, hear.
I love her. Guys, I love her so much. She’s my soulmate, and she’s so far away.
Going back for the 3 o clock visit in a minute.
I love you, BJ.
November 4th, 2006 at 3:37 pm
I understand what you are saying about God and prayer and all that perfectly, J. I do. And I hope you can feel the love being directed your way, the virtual arms around you. There are an awful lot of people praying for you guys right now. I wish there was something more I could do, besides collect links for a prayer circle and obsessively refresh your site for updates. We are here for you, J Dude.
November 4th, 2006 at 3:44 pm
Our thoughts and prayers are with you and your family. God speed.
November 4th, 2006 at 3:44 pm
I read where, I believe one of the posts mentioned that you had a Bot Fly infestation, could it be possible that your wife may also have had the same problem but that it may have entered another area of the body to cause a more severe affect on her body?
November 4th, 2006 at 4:04 pm
AT, this is the first time I’ve felt like I could just sit and breathe for a while. So glad it’s good news this time. I can’t tell you how much I appreciate the updates.
You guys are so loved!
November 4th, 2006 at 4:05 pm
Interesting theory, JaHu, but I believe that the bot fly problem was with the husband of one of GAC’s classmates. I don’t think that GAC herself was ever exposed to the infected person.
November 4th, 2006 at 4:30 pm
Glad things took an upturn today. Praying a little harder here from 10,000 miles away, but I think it still gets there. We are all helping her fight this as much as we can.
November 4th, 2006 at 4:44 pm
It’s good news. You are loving her. That’s the best thing she needs right now. Love is a good thing, believe me. It’s gotten me from hell and hopefully it will her as well.
November 4th, 2006 at 4:51 pm
Thank God for all of you who are praying and keeping GAC and her family in your thoughts. AT, hang in there. Know that you are loved. Give MastaG a hug for me.
May God make his face to shine upon GAC and all of us keeping watch.
November 4th, 2006 at 4:53 pm
Thanks for sharing your hope. We’re all pulling for you and GAC, AT.
November 4th, 2006 at 4:58 pm
Breathe. Yes. Breathing is good. I wasn’t doing much of that earlier. I am now. Crying too. May God continue to watch over you.
November 4th, 2006 at 5:09 pm
Thanks, Mrs. Eaves for the reply. This is the first time I have visited this site and I was a little confused about who was who. I hope they soon determine the cause of her illness so they can treat it effectively. I wish her a full recovery.
November 4th, 2006 at 5:15 pm
Good thinking, tho JaHu. Welcome to the site, wish it could be under better circumstances! Usually its a lot duller and irritating.
Guys, you’re all great.
November 4th, 2006 at 5:20 pm
“Guys, you’re all great.”
No, AT. You are. You have my undiluted admiration. Courage, dude, is grace under pressure. You are courage.
November 4th, 2006 at 7:18 pm
Still hoping, still praying, still keeping you in my thoughts.
November 4th, 2006 at 8:02 pm
Thanks.
November 6th, 2006 at 11:01 am
Hey Jake…not sure if I am doing this right. Please know that we continue to pray for BJ and for you, Gabe, and Asher. We love you all…Love BEC, Larry Justin and Adam
November 7th, 2006 at 7:05 am
Busy Mom sent me. I’m crying for you and praying for you all. Your pain, your grief, her struggle is breaking my heart. Please know that I’ll be praying for you all with every ounce of faith I have.
November 12th, 2006 at 4:30 am
I just found your site - I want to comment on every entry. I don’t go to church, but I believe in God and I’m praying for you guys.