Atomictumor

OK, had to get the haiku out of the way, or it wouldn’t be Sunday.

GAC always gets onto me, because I’m lousy at relaying information. I gather it, but it has a really hard time getting out of my head into my mouth, and it drives her nuts. She’s very much the brains of the outfit. I’m the comic relief.

She had a hard time last night around 6 or 7. Her BP dropped, and they gave her more medicine. Turns out that the arterial line that I was hoping was inaccurate is all sorts of accurate. Her blood pressure isn’t getting better.

Jack says that if she makes it through the week, she should be OK.

I sobbed. I broke down in there with her (again), and told her how we’re doing. I told her secrets we share, and about times we had. I told her the boys were fine, and that I’m fine, and that its so very hard, and we’re making it through. I told her not to worry about us, to be strong, and to keep fighting, and to trust in that God we never saw until now.

This morning was hard. I left so that her parents could have some time, because it seemed more dire than before. As much as I love her, she means so much to them also. I cleaned up, and went back, and she was reacting a bit more. That cheered me a bit. By reacting, tho, I mean her eyebrows were raising, her mouth was twitching. Automatic reactions?

I don’t care. It means so much, but I don’t care.

I had a real hard time bfore we went to the hospital hanging onto my stoiciscm. There was a picture I took, both because pictures are a halmark of a good website, and because it has been hurting me.

A week or so ago, GAC had a rough day. She took a bath, and while she was bathing, I figured I’d give her a body massage in a candlelit room, and then we’d watch a movie and fall asleep cuddling. The candelabra was still in the room, and I took this picture:

Seems like a long time ago.  Funny how objects can have so much power.  That thing sat on a shelf in the kitchen for months, and I never knew it would mean so much to me.

I love you, little BJ.  You’re so far away now, and I love you so much.

This entry was posted on Sunday, November 5th, 2006 at 12:31 pm and is filed under Pain. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. Both comments and pings are currently closed.