November 6th, 2006 by Atomictumor
I really wanted to write that story about how we met.  Maybe another time. Today what has bothered me so much has been that this is going to take SO LONG.
That no matter how much I want her, need her, she isn’t going to open her eyes and be back home in a week.
There are so many thoughts I want to get out of my head. That the useless exploratory surgery, which anyone would have done, but which I signed off on, is going to hurt her for the rest of her life. God, the guilt I will carry. Was it necessary? Of course.
But I’ll always see that scar, and know it hurt her at the worst time for it.
Its dumb and irrational, I know.
Got distracted.
Point is, no stories tonight. In fact, I should be asleep, but I have to do this first.
I spent the time since my last post listening to Wilco (GAC really wanted me to burn another copy of A Ghost is Born after the first one got scratched up, and I never got around to it. Bos gave me his copy tonight) and reading the outpouring of support on the intarwebs. I haven’t gotten to email yet, but you folks in the blogs and the comments, my God, you do me a service I can never repay.
I’m very uncomfortable, because I don’t have a way to say “Thank you” as deeply as I feel. Just as the words elude me to tell GAC how much I love her before we go to bed at night, the words fail me to tell you what you all mean to me.
I will never see the world the same way again.
…
Enough with the hippy talk. (Joel, that was for you)
I just talked to Gary, GACs nurse. Stats are all the same. BP is in the 80s more often than not. They’re just administering platlettes (sp?) now in an effort to help stop the bleeding from her mouth. Yeah, I guess I didn’t mention that she’s bleeding from her mouth. I think I block this stuff out.
Sweet angel, come back to me.
I love you, GAC.
November 6th, 2006 at 1:23 am
Night, AT. Big hug. Get some sleep.
November 6th, 2006 at 5:30 am
Get rest while you can. I know you are processing everything right now, but rest will help.
Sending love from across the state. We are praying for her, and you.
November 6th, 2006 at 6:29 am
Thanks, ladies.
November 9th, 2006 at 1:29 am
You never need to try to find the words to thank those of us who are supporting you and GAC. We are here for you because we care. No thanks needed. You just stay strong. We are praying for you and her. Anyone who has done this vigil knows the numbness, the agony and the sheer unrelenting desire to make it stop hurting the one you love. I pray for your peace.