Comments on: Dealing with hope http://www.atomictumor.com/2006/11/07/dealing-with-hope/ Tue, 07 Oct 2008 02:16:02 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.1.2 By: Califdudes http://www.atomictumor.com/2006/11/07/dealing-with-hope/#comment-6752 Califdudes Wed, 08 Nov 2006 04:20:48 +0000 http://www.atomictumor.com/2006/11/07/dealing-with-hope/#comment-6752 AT, I hear what you are saying. I have spent the last 18 months wondering, doubting, angry. I don't know how to help you, except to say do this...feel this....say this. There is nothing wrong with it. I came away from my experience with a much greater faith in miracles, but actually (considering my previous job as a youth religious ed teacher) with less faith. I think it was all the times I heard "God won't put more on your shoulders than you can handle" That is just bullshit. I couldnt handle that, I shouldnt have to and neither should you. Keep going and feeling and venting, it will keep you sane. Oh and GAC hopefully will read all this and laugh at your from the beer chair (?). AT,

I hear what you are saying. I have spent the last 18 months wondering, doubting, angry. I don’t know how to help you, except to say do this…feel this….say this. There is nothing wrong with it. I came away from my experience with a much greater faith in miracles, but actually (considering my previous job as a youth religious ed teacher) with less faith. I think it was all the times I heard “God won’t put more on your shoulders than you can handle” That is just bullshit. I couldnt handle that, I shouldnt have to and neither should you. Keep going and feeling and venting, it will keep you sane. Oh and GAC hopefully will read all this and laugh at your from the beer chair (?).

]]> By: Frank http://www.atomictumor.com/2006/11/07/dealing-with-hope/#comment-6753 Frank Wed, 08 Nov 2006 04:27:03 +0000 http://www.atomictumor.com/2006/11/07/dealing-with-hope/#comment-6753 We and our on and offline friends are still praying for her complete and total recovery, as well as your strength and for your family. Good to hear that the medical news is still going good. We are not trying to evangelize, just support you and yours in prayer. Stay strong, be courageous and know we are praying. We and our on and offline friends are still praying for her complete and total recovery, as well as your strength and for your family. Good to hear that the medical news is still going good. We are not trying to evangelize, just support you and yours in prayer. Stay strong, be courageous and know we are praying.

]]> By: AT http://www.atomictumor.com/2006/11/07/dealing-with-hope/#comment-6754 AT Wed, 08 Nov 2006 04:27:05 +0000 http://www.atomictumor.com/2006/11/07/dealing-with-hope/#comment-6754 OK, lets step back for a moment from the emo wall. I am, to summarize, wanting everything my way. I want God to keep her alive, and I want to go back to the pure secular life I enjoyed during our entire relationship. I'm not a person to whom faith comes easily. I despise the people that hammer you with God. God, to me, is a friendly little dwarf. Not a big guy with a beard who smites mennonites. Furthermore, I'm telling God "bring her back". She is, as we speak now, brought back. Now I'm saying "keep her my Bj. Don't change her. Don't have her mind/self-image/spirit hurt like her body's hurt." Perfectly reasonable requests out of an omnipotent creator. I talked with Mom about this today. That BJ may wake up, and hate it. She may not have a hand, or feet, or legs, or kidneys. She may not be able, EVER, to finish her school career. She may not want to grow old with me. This is a whole new acceptance thing. How can I almost see her die, and then try to accept the idea that she may not want to live? At the same time, shit man, she may be reading this now (then), with self image problems, and my fears may eat right into her. I don't know what to do. Geez, that really summarized things? I wish she'd tell me what to do. OK, lets step back for a moment from the emo wall.
I am, to summarize, wanting everything my way. I want God to keep her alive, and I want to go back to the pure secular life I enjoyed during our entire relationship. I’m not a person to whom faith comes easily. I despise the people that hammer you with God. God, to me, is a friendly little dwarf. Not a big guy with a beard who smites mennonites.
Furthermore, I’m telling God “bring her back”. She is, as we speak now, brought back. Now I’m saying “keep her my Bj. Don’t change her. Don’t have her mind/self-image/spirit hurt like her body’s hurt.”
Perfectly reasonable requests out of an omnipotent creator.
I talked with Mom about this today. That BJ may wake up, and hate it. She may not have a hand, or feet, or legs, or kidneys. She may not be able, EVER, to finish her school career. She may not want to grow old with me.
This is a whole new acceptance thing. How can I almost see her die, and then try to accept the idea that she may not want to live?
At the same time, shit man, she may be reading this now (then), with self image problems, and my fears may eat right into her.
I don’t know what to do.
Geez, that really summarized things?
I wish she’d tell me what to do.

]]> By: Califdudes http://www.atomictumor.com/2006/11/07/dealing-with-hope/#comment-6757 Califdudes Wed, 08 Nov 2006 04:31:44 +0000 http://www.atomictumor.com/2006/11/07/dealing-with-hope/#comment-6757 I love that...the emo wall. Just put your fist through it and be done. Or keep it for later. There is no right or wrong, you will love her always. Who was it that said: It will be ok in the end....if its not ok, then its not the end. I don't know why, but I like that sentiment. I hope I didn't add to the emo moment, just trying to support. I love that…the emo wall. Just put your fist through it and be done. Or keep it for later. There is no right or wrong, you will love her always. Who was it that said: It will be ok in the end….if its not ok, then its not the end. I don’t know why, but I like that sentiment. I hope I didn’t add to the emo moment, just trying to support.

]]> By: daco http://www.atomictumor.com/2006/11/07/dealing-with-hope/#comment-6759 daco Wed, 08 Nov 2006 04:31:58 +0000 http://www.atomictumor.com/2006/11/07/dealing-with-hope/#comment-6759 You may be right AT. Dealing with hope must be tougher than dealing with loss. With loss you know what you are dealing with, with the hope stuff, anything could happen. From what you have written in these pages over the past several days I have no doubt that you are strong enough to deal with your hope. Just as your friends have offered their shoulders, their prayers and their love as you have dealt with your impending grief; they will be here through your hope as well. You are blessed to have hope pal. We all are. Tonight we all have hope. You may be right AT. Dealing with hope must be tougher than dealing with loss. With loss you know what you are dealing with, with the hope stuff, anything could happen.
From what you have written in these pages over the past several days I have no doubt that you are strong enough to deal with your hope.
Just as your friends have offered their shoulders, their prayers and their love as you have dealt with your impending grief; they will be here through your hope as well.

You are blessed to have hope pal. We all are. Tonight we all have hope.

]]> By: marladusa http://www.atomictumor.com/2006/11/07/dealing-with-hope/#comment-6760 marladusa Wed, 08 Nov 2006 04:32:40 +0000 http://www.atomictumor.com/2006/11/07/dealing-with-hope/#comment-6760 Her return won't be a cakewalk. She's been through hell. But look at all she has waiting on her. The love, the support, the once-in-a-lifetime-undeniable affirmation of her importance in so many people's lives. I hope I have that, but I don't really 'know'. BJ will KNOW, beyond a shadow of a doubt that she is loved, wanted, embraced, important. That's life. Don't worry, she'll understand. Her return won’t be a cakewalk. She’s been through hell. But look at all she has waiting on her. The love, the support, the once-in-a-lifetime-undeniable affirmation of her importance in so many people’s lives.
I hope I have that, but I don’t really ‘know’. BJ will KNOW, beyond a shadow of a doubt that she is loved, wanted, embraced, important. That’s life.
Don’t worry, she’ll understand.

]]> By: AT http://www.atomictumor.com/2006/11/07/dealing-with-hope/#comment-6761 AT Wed, 08 Nov 2006 04:33:25 +0000 http://www.atomictumor.com/2006/11/07/dealing-with-hope/#comment-6761 I know Frank, and prayers are so good. When people tell me they pray for her, it means you don't have the hang ups here, and you're doing what I don't know how. I'm getting used to learning how to say things like "God is keeping her alive. God is bringing her back. God is all she has now" I don't want to mean it, man. Does that make sense? It was easier when I was just somewhat in tune with some form of higher power, that I'd get back to one day. That day was Friday. A week later, I'm not desperate (as much so, she's still so very critical, and very much at death's door), but I have to keep with the fact that I will bea believer in God, whether I want to or not. At the same time, the whole mental conversation seems as moot as hell, but I can't stop thinking about it when I see BJ. I'm all messed up. Today wasn't as hard as yesterday, but I'm making it harder than it needs to be, and I can't stop doing it. I'd sleep, just to end the day, and because I find I can cry in the morning, and that feels so good, but I don't want to sleep. Arg. I know Frank, and prayers are so good. When people tell me they pray for her, it means you don’t have the hang ups here, and you’re doing what I don’t know how.
I’m getting used to learning how to say things like “God is keeping her alive. God is bringing her back. God is all she has now”
I don’t want to mean it, man. Does that make sense? It was easier when I was just somewhat in tune with some form of higher power, that I’d get back to one day.
That day was Friday. A week later, I’m not desperate (as much so, she’s still so very critical, and very much at death’s door), but I have to keep with the fact that I will bea believer in God, whether I want to or not.
At the same time, the whole mental conversation seems as moot as hell, but I can’t stop thinking about it when I see BJ.
I’m all messed up.
Today wasn’t as hard as yesterday, but I’m making it harder than it needs to be, and I can’t stop doing it.
I’d sleep, just to end the day, and because I find I can cry in the morning, and that feels so good, but I don’t want to sleep.
Arg.

]]> By: AT http://www.atomictumor.com/2006/11/07/dealing-with-hope/#comment-6762 AT Wed, 08 Nov 2006 04:35:48 +0000 http://www.atomictumor.com/2006/11/07/dealing-with-hope/#comment-6762 "BJ will KNOW, beyond a shadow of a doubt that she is loved, wanted, embraced, important. That’s life. Don’t worry, she’ll understand." Thats what I want to sink in, but I'm too damn dense for it to do so. Marladusa, I wish I had met you before this. You've been here since damn near the beginning, along with Frank, and Bob, and I'm sure many others, and you've helped. I don't know you, but I will, I hope. Heh... Theres more of that hope stuff. “BJ will KNOW, beyond a shadow of a doubt that she is loved, wanted, embraced, important. That’s life.
Don’t worry, she’ll understand.”
Thats what I want to sink in, but I’m too damn dense for it to do so.
Marladusa, I wish I had met you before this. You’ve been here since damn near the beginning, along with Frank, and Bob, and I’m sure many others, and you’ve helped.
I don’t know you, but I will, I hope.
Heh…
Theres more of that hope stuff.

]]> By: Allisone http://www.atomictumor.com/2006/11/07/dealing-with-hope/#comment-6763 Allisone Wed, 08 Nov 2006 04:36:52 +0000 http://www.atomictumor.com/2006/11/07/dealing-with-hope/#comment-6763 AT, I wish I had some answers for you, some kind of wisdom that would give you peace. I think you are amazing, and handling this better than most of us could. When hope eludes you, we will hope for you. Thinking of you and your family all day. AT, I wish I had some answers for you, some kind of wisdom that would give you peace.
I think you are amazing, and handling this better than most of us could. When hope eludes you, we will hope for you.
Thinking of you and your family all day.

]]> By: Frank http://www.atomictumor.com/2006/11/07/dealing-with-hope/#comment-6764 Frank Wed, 08 Nov 2006 04:40:17 +0000 http://www.atomictumor.com/2006/11/07/dealing-with-hope/#comment-6764 Well no one completely believes in God overnight AT. It takes time, there are mighty struggles and many starts and stops normally. The thing is to keep moving forward in faith and trust God enough to let Him show you what He is doing, where He is doing it, and why He is moving. NO ONE understands God completely or totally. The Bible tells us that His ways are not our ways, His thoughts are higher then ours, etc. Bottom line take it slow and trust as you can. Just don't give up on Him when this is over with and BJ is back with you regardless of her condition. We will be praying for your newly found spiritual condition and situation as well as BJ, the kids, her school, your extended families. Our request for our visitors have been at the top of our blog all day and will remain their until BJ is out of the woods. Prayer changes things and we are continuing that in faith. Well no one completely believes in God overnight AT. It takes time, there are mighty struggles and many starts and stops normally. The thing is to keep moving forward in faith and trust God enough to let Him show you what He is doing, where He is doing it, and why He is moving. NO ONE understands God completely or totally. The Bible tells us that His ways are not our ways, His thoughts are higher then ours, etc.

Bottom line take it slow and trust as you can. Just don’t give up on Him when this is over with and BJ is back with you regardless of her condition.

We will be praying for your newly found spiritual condition and situation as well as BJ, the kids, her school, your extended families. Our request for our visitors have been at the top of our blog all day and will remain their until BJ is out of the woods. Prayer changes things and we are continuing that in faith.

]]> By: New Orleans Friend http://www.atomictumor.com/2006/11/07/dealing-with-hope/#comment-6766 New Orleans Friend Wed, 08 Nov 2006 04:45:03 +0000 http://www.atomictumor.com/2006/11/07/dealing-with-hope/#comment-6766 I came here via BusyMom and I am so sorry to read all of your life's recent events. I am truly amazed at your strength. I can read all of your frustrations and fears and yes, you have the right to be angry. Neither you nor your wife asked for this and it has certainly thrown a monkey wrench into your life plans. I have come to learn that what happens in life is often far out of our control. We can hope and pray and hope and pray and it sounds like there is alot of that going around for her (and you and your family too) No one has the answer as to why this has happened, no one. But it seems to me that you love her dearly and she definitely knows it and she is obviously very strong and is fighting very hard because she is still here and has made some improvement. She will be amazed at what you have had to say. I know from experience that putting thoughts and emotions into words can be a very powerful tool for dealing with personal issues. It helps. So keep writing and it will keep helping you. And your strength will strengthen her as well. Feel however you must feel, do whatever you must do, deal with it the best way that you can because dealing with the emotions, no matter what approach you take, is the best for you, her and your kids. And don't be sorry for or apologize for what you are feeling. Those emotions are yours and you have every right to each and every one of them. I wish you the very best of each day to come. You, she and your kids are all in my prayers. I will be tuned in to see how she is doing. Leslie I came here via BusyMom and I am so sorry to read all of your life’s recent events. I am truly amazed at your strength. I can read all of your frustrations and fears and yes, you have the right to be angry. Neither you nor your wife asked for this and it has certainly thrown a monkey wrench into your life plans. I have come to learn that what happens in life is often far out of our control. We can hope and pray and hope and pray and it sounds like there is alot of that going around for her (and you and your family too) No one has the answer as to why this has happened, no one. But it seems to me that you love her dearly and she definitely knows it and she is obviously very strong and is fighting very hard because she is still here and has made some improvement. She will be amazed at what you have had to say. I know from experience that putting thoughts and emotions into words can be a very powerful tool for dealing with personal issues. It helps. So keep writing and it will keep helping you. And your strength will strengthen her as well. Feel however you must feel, do whatever you must do, deal with it the best way that you can because dealing with the emotions, no matter what approach you take, is the best for you, her and your kids. And don’t be sorry for or apologize for what you are feeling. Those emotions are yours and you have every right to each and every one of them. I wish you the very best of each day to come. You, she and your kids are all in my prayers. I will be tuned in to see how she is doing. Leslie

]]> By: Allisone http://www.atomictumor.com/2006/11/07/dealing-with-hope/#comment-6768 Allisone Wed, 08 Nov 2006 04:48:42 +0000 http://www.atomictumor.com/2006/11/07/dealing-with-hope/#comment-6768 A new friend understands when you don't trust them all at once. It takes a relationship. Faith is the same way. You've got an amazing amount of people pulling for you and GAC. The God I know doesn't do the Monkey Claw thing. He does the ... Surprise, bet you never thought this would bring such joy ... thing. A new friend understands when you don’t trust them all at once. It takes a relationship. Faith is the same way. You’ve got an amazing amount of people pulling for you and GAC. The God I know doesn’t do the Monkey Claw thing. He does the … Surprise, bet you never thought this would bring such joy … thing.

]]> By: Califdudes http://www.atomictumor.com/2006/11/07/dealing-with-hope/#comment-6769 Califdudes Wed, 08 Nov 2006 04:49:59 +0000 http://www.atomictumor.com/2006/11/07/dealing-with-hope/#comment-6769 I hope I didn't sound too negative. I think your emo wall set mine off again. I may not be as healed as I thought. I didn't mean to say I lost my faith, far from it. It is just different. It seems like before it was real and thought out, but now it is indescriptive and fuller. You and your family are in my prayers. Miracles do happen. Keep believing and fighting, both of you. Vickie I hope I didn’t sound too negative. I think your emo wall set mine off again. I may not be as healed as I thought. I didn’t mean to say I lost my faith, far from it. It is just different. It seems like before it was real and thought out, but now it is indescriptive and fuller. You and your family are in my prayers. Miracles do happen. Keep believing and fighting, both of you.

Vickie

]]> By: AT http://www.atomictumor.com/2006/11/07/dealing-with-hope/#comment-6771 AT Wed, 08 Nov 2006 04:52:22 +0000 http://www.atomictumor.com/2006/11/07/dealing-with-hope/#comment-6771 Thanks, all of you. Leslie, and Allisone. You're absolutely right, and both of your gifts for words conveyed exactly what I needed to hear. Thanks, all of you. Leslie, and Allisone.
You’re absolutely right, and both of your gifts for words conveyed exactly what I needed to hear.

]]> By: marladusa http://www.atomictumor.com/2006/11/07/dealing-with-hope/#comment-6772 marladusa Wed, 08 Nov 2006 04:57:20 +0000 http://www.atomictumor.com/2006/11/07/dealing-with-hope/#comment-6772 Thoughts are energy. Like attracts like. We are achieving a critical mass of good intent here. I'm heartened. Thoughts are energy. Like attracts like. We are achieving a critical mass of good intent here. I’m heartened.

]]> By: Beth http://www.atomictumor.com/2006/11/07/dealing-with-hope/#comment-6775 Beth Wed, 08 Nov 2006 04:58:46 +0000 http://www.atomictumor.com/2006/11/07/dealing-with-hope/#comment-6775 I too came here from BusyMom's website. I would like to thank you for sharing all of this. I am in awe of your ability to write with such emotions. Most men wouldn't do it. You are entitled to your feelings and to express them in any way you see fit. I commend your courage and I wish you and BJ all the best. I will keep your family in my thoughts through out this tragic event. Beth I too came here from BusyMom’s website. I would like to thank you for sharing all of this. I am in awe of your ability to write with such emotions. Most men wouldn’t do it. You are entitled to your feelings and to express them in any way you see fit. I commend your courage and I wish you and BJ all the best. I will keep your family in my thoughts through out this tragic event.
Beth

]]> By: AT http://www.atomictumor.com/2006/11/07/dealing-with-hope/#comment-6776 AT Wed, 08 Nov 2006 04:58:52 +0000 http://www.atomictumor.com/2006/11/07/dealing-with-hope/#comment-6776 Al Gore would be proud. Al Gore would be proud.

]]> By: Califdudes http://www.atomictumor.com/2006/11/07/dealing-with-hope/#comment-6777 Califdudes Wed, 08 Nov 2006 04:59:32 +0000 http://www.atomictumor.com/2006/11/07/dealing-with-hope/#comment-6777 I see you have deleted my comments here and on the previous post. I am new to this and never delured before. I have obviously crossed some line or did something wrong and I am so sorry. I wish I could email this apology privately. I am sorry for whatever I said or did. My prayers will be with you and yours still. Vickie I see you have deleted my comments here and on the previous post. I am new to this and never delured before. I have obviously crossed some line or did something wrong and I am so sorry. I wish I could email this apology privately. I am sorry for whatever I said or did. My prayers will be with you and yours still.
Vickie

]]> By: Califdudes http://www.atomictumor.com/2006/11/07/dealing-with-hope/#comment-6778 Califdudes Wed, 08 Nov 2006 05:07:55 +0000 http://www.atomictumor.com/2006/11/07/dealing-with-hope/#comment-6778 AT, I see you have deleted my comments here and on the previous posts. I have never delurked before and probably crossed some line. I just wanted to apologize. I have no idea what I did, but that doesnt mean I didn't do something. I am truly sorry, I tend to step on peoples toes when I never mean to. Wish I could apolgize privately, but since comments are moderated I hope you will see this and kno my prayers are truly with you and your family. Take care. AT,
I see you have deleted my comments here and on the previous posts. I have never delurked before and probably crossed some line. I just wanted to apologize. I have no idea what I did, but that doesnt mean I didn’t do something. I am truly sorry, I tend to step on peoples toes when I never mean to. Wish I could apolgize privately, but since comments are moderated I hope you will see this and kno my prayers are truly with you and your family. Take care.

]]> By: R*belle http://www.atomictumor.com/2006/11/07/dealing-with-hope/#comment-6782 R*belle Wed, 08 Nov 2006 05:18:02 +0000 http://www.atomictumor.com/2006/11/07/dealing-with-hope/#comment-6782 I am not well versed enough, nor I attend church enough to evangelize, only to say that out of all of this it is good that you have found faith instead of turning it away. As I drifted off to sleep last night, I prayed for your wife and your family. I don't know why we find certain people or read certain stories or why some touch our hearts more than others. As I prayed for you I said, just by reading what he writes about her, I can feel his love. If it can come through a computer screen, I know that she feels it when you are with her. Together, you will get through the recovery, just as you have gotten through the darkest hours. Continue to have faith, as others have faith in you. I am not well versed enough, nor I attend church enough to evangelize, only to say that out of all of this it is good that you have found faith instead of turning it away. As I drifted off to sleep last night, I prayed for your wife and your family.
I don’t know why we find certain people or read certain stories or why some touch our hearts more than others. As I prayed for you I said, just by reading what he writes about her, I can feel his love. If it can come through a computer screen, I know that she feels it when you are with her. Together, you will get through the recovery, just as you have gotten through the darkest hours. Continue to have faith, as others have faith in you.

]]> By: New Orleans Friend http://www.atomictumor.com/2006/11/07/dealing-with-hope/#comment-6783 New Orleans Friend Wed, 08 Nov 2006 05:19:50 +0000 http://www.atomictumor.com/2006/11/07/dealing-with-hope/#comment-6783 You're welcome. Anytime. But please remember that the best way for you to handle all this is to be the best you. That means SLEEP!!! Sleep is SO VERY important. And take care of yourself so that you can remain strong. You'd be amazed at how your own immunities can weaken in an emotionally traumatic situation. Yeppers! It is true. And I am not even a doctor! who'd-a-thunk?!? You’re welcome. Anytime. But please remember that the best way for you to handle all this is to be the best you. That means SLEEP!!! Sleep is SO VERY important. And take care of yourself so that you can remain strong. You’d be amazed at how your own immunities can weaken in an emotionally traumatic situation. Yeppers! It is true. And I am not even a doctor! who’d-a-thunk?!?

]]> By: Nicole http://www.atomictumor.com/2006/11/07/dealing-with-hope/#comment-6785 Nicole Wed, 08 Nov 2006 05:21:20 +0000 http://www.atomictumor.com/2006/11/07/dealing-with-hope/#comment-6785 Don't apologize for your feelings. Don't try to explain them away. Feel them. You talked about living and beauty a few posts ago... feelings are part of life. Feel them. As for the God thing, I'm afraid I can't help you. But don't we all want that from him? Wanting one thing, and then another? At critical moments, you just want her to live. When reality hits, you want her to always be her. Makes complete sense. Don't sweat it. Don’t apologize for your feelings. Don’t try to explain them away. Feel them. You talked about living and beauty a few posts ago… feelings are part of life. Feel them.
As for the God thing, I’m afraid I can’t help you. But don’t we all want that from him? Wanting one thing, and then another? At critical moments, you just want her to live. When reality hits, you want her to always be her. Makes complete sense. Don’t sweat it.

]]> By: Busy Mom http://www.atomictumor.com/2006/11/07/dealing-with-hope/#comment-6788 Busy Mom Wed, 08 Nov 2006 05:28:18 +0000 http://www.atomictumor.com/2006/11/07/dealing-with-hope/#comment-6788 Hey, whatever you are feeling is OK (um yeah, as if you needed to me approve), doesn't matter what it is. Perhaps it's just that the numbness of the whole thing is wearing off? Though I struggle with it myself, I am gradually learning that one day (sometimes one minute) at a time is really all we can do. Keep up your mantra. If you don't feel up to it right now, I'll hold onto it for you, I think it will come in handy later. Hey, whatever you are feeling is OK (um yeah, as if you needed to me approve), doesn’t matter what it is. Perhaps it’s just that the numbness of the whole thing is wearing off?

Though I struggle with it myself, I am gradually learning that one day (sometimes one minute) at a time is really all we can do.

Keep up your mantra. If you don’t feel up to it right now, I’ll hold onto it for you, I think it will come in handy later.

]]> By: realtor chick http://www.atomictumor.com/2006/11/07/dealing-with-hope/#comment-6789 realtor chick Wed, 08 Nov 2006 05:31:51 +0000 http://www.atomictumor.com/2006/11/07/dealing-with-hope/#comment-6789 Miracles happen and I am expecting one. BJ has so much to live for and I believe she is coming back. I believe that God will not desert you. He does not bring you this far to leave you in the lerch. Don't get overwhelmed in the doubtful details of "what if's". One day at a time. You have already come avery long way and your will and strength is reaching out and helping BJ to find her way. Lean on the strength of our prayers. They are here for you and your family. Miracles happen and I am expecting one. BJ has so much to live for and I believe she is coming back. I believe that God will not desert you. He does not bring you this far to leave you in the lerch. Don’t get overwhelmed in the doubtful details of “what if’s”. One day at a time. You have already come avery long way and your will and strength is reaching out and helping BJ to find her way. Lean on the strength of our prayers. They are here for you and your family.

]]> By: Lunasea http://www.atomictumor.com/2006/11/07/dealing-with-hope/#comment-6791 Lunasea Wed, 08 Nov 2006 05:53:04 +0000 http://www.atomictumor.com/2006/11/07/dealing-with-hope/#comment-6791 I can imagine that the road ahead must be terrifying, even with the relief that she will be there with you. You know, even if GAC regains full function of everything, she's not going to be the same after this - neither are you. But you will continue to be in love with each other - that part doesn't change. (backstory: I had a bad fall last February and ended up in the ICU with a blood clot in my brain - it wasn't as critical or as prolonged as your situation has been, and now my functioning is pretty darn near where it was before, but it affected both me and my husband profoundly). I can imagine that the road ahead must be terrifying, even with the relief that she will be there with you.

You know, even if GAC regains full function of everything, she’s not going to be the same after this - neither are you. But you will continue to be in love with each other - that part doesn’t change.

(backstory: I had a bad fall last February and ended up in the ICU with a blood clot in my brain - it wasn’t as critical or as prolonged as your situation has been, and now my functioning is pretty darn near where it was before, but it affected both me and my husband profoundly).

]]> By: Mrs Eaves http://www.atomictumor.com/2006/11/07/dealing-with-hope/#comment-6812 Mrs Eaves Wed, 08 Nov 2006 08:03:09 +0000 http://www.atomictumor.com/2006/11/07/dealing-with-hope/#comment-6812 I don't doubt that the road ahead's going to be tough, AT. The road up to this point right now has been absolute hell, but GAC's made it and you've made it. GAC will triumph over this and emerge a changed person (I think we've all been changed by this). Life will be hard, and life will be beautiful. Take it one day at a time, and know that we'll be here along the way. I don’t doubt that the road ahead’s going to be tough, AT. The road up to this point right now has been absolute hell, but GAC’s made it and you’ve made it. GAC will triumph over this and emerge a changed person (I think we’ve all been changed by this).
Life will be hard, and life will be beautiful.
Take it one day at a time, and know that we’ll be here along the way.

]]> By: Deb http://www.atomictumor.com/2006/11/07/dealing-with-hope/#comment-6827 Deb Wed, 08 Nov 2006 10:29:04 +0000 http://www.atomictumor.com/2006/11/07/dealing-with-hope/#comment-6827 Stay strong. There will be many emotions coming through as GAC heals. Sadness, anger, denial, acceptance. There's one more somewhere in there but I can never remember what it is. You are a fighter. You've fought hard for her. She too is a fighter. She fought hard to stay with you. She knows that you love her and if she has any resentment about a scar on her tummy or any other long-lasting side effect of this illness then it will be for the illness. This strange and horrible invader did these things to her. Not you. You fought for her, not against her. I'm betting that both of you, later, will realize this. You seem like smart people to me. The physical scars and reminders that she'll carry are battle scars. Be proud that you both have fought for love, family, togetherness and are WINNING. Battle wounds are woundrous things to remind us how much we care about others, how much we will take to keep that together, and how we didn't give up. My prayers are for you and your family today. Stay strong. There will be many emotions coming through as GAC heals. Sadness, anger, denial, acceptance. There’s one more somewhere in there but I can never remember what it is. You are a fighter. You’ve fought hard for her. She too is a fighter. She fought hard to stay with you. She knows that you love her and if she has any resentment about a scar on her tummy or any other long-lasting side effect of this illness then it will be for the illness. This strange and horrible invader did these things to her. Not you. You fought for her, not against her. I’m betting that both of you, later, will realize this. You seem like smart people to me. The physical scars and reminders that she’ll carry are battle scars. Be proud that you both have fought for love, family, togetherness and are WINNING. Battle wounds are woundrous things to remind us how much we care about others, how much we will take to keep that together, and how we didn’t give up.

My prayers are for you and your family today.

]]> By: Bullet http://www.atomictumor.com/2006/11/07/dealing-with-hope/#comment-6828 Bullet Wed, 08 Nov 2006 10:30:47 +0000 http://www.atomictumor.com/2006/11/07/dealing-with-hope/#comment-6828 "and I want to go back to the pure secular life I enjoyed during our entire relationship..." My dear AT, you know life will not be the same as it was before. It would be pathetic if it was. Once all of this is said and done, you and your family will have gone through something many of us will never be able to comprehend. They don't call things "life-changing" for no reason. Every aspect of this awful experience is scary. The thought of recovery is scary. That's okay. But along with your black, twisty, emo thoughts, allow a seed of "maybe we will come out of this with a new view of life." Would that be such a bad thing?? Even if you're not praying, my love, you have so many people that are. So many people love you enough to pray for not just her healing, but YOUR healing too. I praise God for how he's using this awful, gross experience to bring together so many people. There is something that makes people care. Something that makes people pull for you and her recovery. Human kindness? But where does that human kindness come from? Anyway, I love you dearly and you're always on my mind and prayers. I hope today is even better than yesterday. And please don't feel bad for missing her 3. She would probably call you out on being too darn bubbly anyway. “and I want to go back to the pure secular life I enjoyed during our entire relationship…”
My dear AT, you know life will not be the same as it was before. It would be pathetic if it was. Once all of this is said and done, you and your family will have gone through something many of us will never be able to comprehend. They don’t call things “life-changing” for no reason. Every aspect of this awful experience is scary. The thought of recovery is scary. That’s okay. But along with your black, twisty, emo thoughts, allow a seed of “maybe we will come out of this with a new view of life.” Would that be such a bad thing?? Even if you’re not praying, my love, you have so many people that are. So many people love you enough to pray for not just her healing, but YOUR healing too. I praise God for how he’s using this awful, gross experience to bring together so many people. There is something that makes people care. Something that makes people pull for you and her recovery. Human kindness? But where does that human kindness come from?
Anyway, I love you dearly and you’re always on my mind and prayers. I hope today is even better than yesterday. And please don’t feel bad for missing her 3. She would probably call you out on being too darn bubbly anyway.

]]> By: The Bosphorus http://www.atomictumor.com/2006/11/07/dealing-with-hope/#comment-6875 The Bosphorus Wed, 08 Nov 2006 13:37:00 +0000 http://www.atomictumor.com/2006/11/07/dealing-with-hope/#comment-6875 Bullet, you've hit the nail's head (along w/ so many others on this thread). We don't know where this road is taking us, but AT you're not alone. And don't write grief off. It's ok to grieve the loss of what you and GAC had before this sickness. Grieve, experience that grief, but don't get bogged down in it. Bullet, you’ve hit the nail’s head (along w/ so many others on this thread). We don’t know where this road is taking us, but AT you’re not alone.
And don’t write grief off. It’s ok to grieve the loss of what you and GAC had before this sickness. Grieve, experience that grief, but don’t get bogged down in it.

]]> By: SandyT http://www.atomictumor.com/2006/11/07/dealing-with-hope/#comment-6919 SandyT Wed, 08 Nov 2006 16:35:06 +0000 http://www.atomictumor.com/2006/11/07/dealing-with-hope/#comment-6919 Hey AT, this is some of the most open and heart felt sharing of what you are going through. You are going through so many phases even at the same time it seems and that happens when dealing with such tragedy of someone we love so much. It is so hard to see someone you love go through hell and can't seem to do anything to help them or even take their pain away. Your continued love for her, your sharing on this site is helping to deal with things and it gives us a chance to stand there with you - like others have said, you are not alone and we will be with you all the way through this ordeal. Hang in there - it is ok to grieve and we all handle that is different ways and it is still ok. Just don't keep it bottled up - that is where the danger is - you are letting a part of you go and giving us a chance to hang in there with you. Take care and we will keep the prayers going for complete recovery. BJ, we love ya and thinking of you. Don't forget AT, we are here for you. Hey AT, this is some of the most open and heart felt sharing of what you are going through. You are going through so many phases even at the same time it seems and that happens when dealing with such tragedy of someone we love so much. It is so hard to see someone you love go through hell and can’t seem to do anything to help them or even take their pain away. Your continued love for her, your sharing on this site is helping to deal with things and it gives us a chance to stand there with you - like others have said, you are not alone and we will be with you all the way through this ordeal. Hang in there - it is ok to grieve and we all handle that is different ways and it is still ok. Just don’t keep it bottled up - that is where the danger is - you are letting a part of you go and giving us a chance to hang in there with you. Take care and we will keep the prayers going for complete recovery. BJ, we love ya and thinking of you. Don’t forget AT, we are here for you.

]]> By: Atomictumor http://www.atomictumor.com/2006/11/07/dealing-with-hope/#comment-6930 Atomictumor Wed, 08 Nov 2006 17:12:17 +0000 http://www.atomictumor.com/2006/11/07/dealing-with-hope/#comment-6930 Don't keep it bottled up has been a way of life for me in a big way, that I might explain later. However, I'm in more danger of creating more than I need. I'm one day at a timing now, and loving it. Bullet (love the name, BTW, I cackled the other day when I figured it out), you are so awesome. She's my little sister, everybody. Don’t keep it bottled up has been a way of life for me in a big way, that I might explain later. However, I’m in more danger of creating more than I need. I’m one day at a timing now, and loving it.

Bullet (love the name, BTW, I cackled the other day when I figured it out), you are so awesome. She’s my little sister, everybody.

]]>