November 7th, 2006 by Atomictumor
Hey folks. 7 hours without an update here, its been eating me up.
I’m tired. I want to take a nap, but its only 48 minutes until I can see her again, so it’ll wait.
She’s sweet. I took some pictures of her, safe ones, to show MastaG. He tells me that helps a lot. He’s going back to school tomorrow. He wants to lay out, but its for the same reason he’d want to lay out anytime, I think. What fourth grader wouldn’t take a free day out of school?
Yeah, its over tomorrow. He’s so funny, and so helpful. He’s also a sarcastic, quick witted, smart assed little punk. He has a picture of her in his pocket, he and I picked out a good one, and stuck it in. We printed 9 wallet sized pictures with that stupid XP print thing, on our cheap assed $40 walmart special printer, and he gave one to everybody in the quiet room.
It was the right thing to do for his Mamaw, and showing him his mother was the right thing to do. The picture was too small to see anything horrific, just to see his mother, and the efforts of the doctors and nurses to save her.
While she hates pictures of herself, I’ll give it to you guys too.
For obvious reasons, you don’t get the ones of her today. If she wants to show you later, I’ll let her make that choice.
This was supposed to be a short post, so I could rest my eyes, but hell with that.
I haven’t cried today, except for one moment when I was overwhemled after dropping Pigpen off at school. As we pulled out of the driveway, he asked “Wheres my mommy?”
I told him she’s safe. That she’s still sick, but that God would look after her. I asked if he’d like to pray, and he did.
He likes to repeat what i say after I say it, and thats sweet. The kids make talking to God easier, makes me feel less self consious about doing what my brain has told me doesn’t work for so long.
—
Anyway, heres the facts as they stand.
Good news:
BP - 110
Pulse - 134 (because of some of the medications)
Kidneys- Producing 150 ccs of urine an hour. Dark, yellow, puss-ey (almost sayed pussy, the’d be different, and get us spamblocked, d’oh) urine. Not nearly whats getting into her, but a step.
Heart - Still beating along. Good rhythm.
Liver - Enzymes down, good news. No quantification, if I heard the number I forgot.
Calcium - At a good level - meaning the vascular system isn’t losing fluids as much
She’s off one of the blood pressure drips, as I mentioned last night.
Everything is trucking along just fine.
Bad news:
Lungs aren’t oxygenating well. Hovered around 90 (O2 level), should be 96. The fluids are constricting her lungs, they’re just not taking the oxygen well.
Fever is 102, without the cooling blanket. This is as a result of some of the medication used to work her kidneys.
Dialysis is on the menu again. They’re waiting for special equipment to become available, or doctors to do some voodoo, or something, and then they’re going to try a different sort of dialysis.
She bled through in her thigh, where they connect the machine, yesterday. I hope she doesn’t today.
She was deep in sedation today. While she knew we were there, and she squeezed my hand as desperately as she could, the eyebrows didn’t tell me as much. My mantra still seems to sooth her, but I bet she’s getting sick of it. She always gets sick of my little dumassities.
Thats one of the things I love about her.
We are two people who are damn near opposites, who sustain each other in such an amazing way. While we’ve had fights, we’ve never had moments of weaknesses, even in hard times, that led us to consider ending our union. Even the fights were her giving me the quiet treatment, and me sulking, or pouting.
I have hope. It goes so quickly tho. I had hope yesterday morning, and it went after the 10 AM visit, and it was hard. I had never been down that low. I want to put hope, and low, aside, but I refuse to do that for her.
Today I’m not thinking about anything but right now. Thats how I tend to live, and thats how I’ll do this.
Ug, 12:30. I’d like to read some of your comments, now that things are working nicely, but I have to call Lucky, and I have to check my email. I told her school friends about her today, and that was hard. Not as hard as yesterday, or the day before, tho.
Thats hope for you.
I love you, BJ. I love you so strongly, and so uniquely, and so very deeply.
I love you so much.
November 7th, 2006 at 12:42 pm
AT, I really hope that GAC is well enough to lay off the sedation soon. I’m sure that she’ll have some really wierd dreams to relate to you.
I will, as always, tell Grandma and Grandpa the progress report and prayers are continuing.
November 7th, 2006 at 12:43 pm
Hubby and I lit candles for GAC/BJ at church today. Good news - a sharp gust of wind didn’t blow out my candle and extricate me from the church. I even stayed for vespers. I’ll do what it takes to bring her home safe and well. My faith may not be the best, but I think my husband’s faith makes up for it.
November 7th, 2006 at 12:49 pm
You guys are in my prayers. Let those boys sustain your faith and your heart hon. They’re the most precious support you’ll ever have. Sometimes being strong for them is enough to make you strong for yourself! Many prayers and good thoughts.
November 7th, 2006 at 12:51 pm
Glad to see things are looking better. I am not giving up hope and I am praying every chance and staying attatched to the ‘tumor all day at work waiting for any news I can get.
November 7th, 2006 at 1:01 pm
I totally agree with the BJ getting irritated thing. I can see her rolling her eyes at your earnest whispering. Rolling her eyes out of love, of course… BJ’s just one of a kind. :)
November 7th, 2006 at 1:02 pm
Your story is getting circulated around the blogosphere. Wow…unimaginable. Just thought I’d stop by & send positive wishes & good thots your way. Best to you & BJ.
November 7th, 2006 at 1:04 pm
BTW, that is a great pic of her.
November 7th, 2006 at 1:07 pm
Pigpen is having a good day at school. It’s business as usual and today he is “Captain and America” because the “A is for my name” he said. He’s being well cared for and we are all sending love to you, GAC, and your family.
November 7th, 2006 at 1:23 pm
I can already hear her when she reads over this stuff….
“Jake, what the hell?!?” She just has a tone that I’ve tried many times to mimic to no success.
I love you guys. Remember when you’re praying a prayer that a 4 year old can understand that it is those who pray with the earnesty of children that will enter into the kingdom of God. Not an exact quote, but kinda hard to recall the Bible when I’m learning about fun new anti-fungals.
November 7th, 2006 at 1:26 pm
Thanks for sharing the photo. Not sure why, but it seems to add a more personal dimension to praying for her. Praying and hoping…
November 7th, 2006 at 1:27 pm
Your wife and family, all of you, are in my prayers. Like you, I am not spiritual by nature and I express my own spirituality in my own way. I do not know you but, in reading your entries about your wife and family, I can picture you and I can feel the love you share.
November 7th, 2006 at 1:32 pm
Who is her doctor, and what specialists have they called in on this? Are you satisfied with the care there? My prayers are with you all.
November 7th, 2006 at 1:33 pm
My thoughts and prayers are with you.
November 7th, 2006 at 1:47 pm
Still here AT. Still sending postive vibes your way. Thanks for the picture. She’s gorgeous!
November 7th, 2006 at 1:48 pm
Still reading, still begging. There are people at my site, Speckblog, who are praying as well. I hope the additional prayers make a difference.
I’m glad today is better. Still begging for you.
November 7th, 2006 at 2:15 pm
Know that the thoughts and prayers of so many, WILL continue to uplift and sustain you and your family.
“Hope” is the thing with feathers– That perches in the soul– And sings the tune without the words– And never stops–at all– Emily Dickenson
November 7th, 2006 at 7:30 pm
Thanks folks. I missed this thread, somehow, today, and didn’t read your words.
Mel, it touches me about the candles. You and Thanos have a special place for GAC and I, because you were the first outsider to see our weird little website, way back when it was on Typepad, and we were talking Twin Peaks.
Bob, its amazing to me that its gotten as big as it has. I’m trying not to let it go to my head!
I understand why everybody’s reading this on a level that I don’t understand. To be near the center of this, on the floor of my bedroom, in a little house in Oak Ridge, is strange.
I’m afraid of narcissism. I crave the attention, and as much as I want to focus it on her, I suck some of it up and it sustains me.
I don’t really know how to tell it.
Bob, I’m glad you’re here. I’ve been reading your comments, from Busymom, and here, and I know how hard this is for you to read. That you’ve been through something like this, and are there to help me, is meaningful.
Isn’t it irritating that there aren’t words that reflect the depth? Meaningful, special, deeply, I’ve been tossing them out so much with regards to you people, and it doesn’t scratch the surface.
I don’t have words.
I’m torn, because when this is over, I’ll want to grab her and retreat within my family. To motherbird her, to cover her, to hide from the spotlight.
But I owe you guys way, way, way too much. I don’t want to let you go back to your lifes with a vague satisfaction that you helped a poor bastard through a tough time.
I don’t know.
Thanks.