Atomictumor

Posting from Bos’s house.  I left this morning, to drop the kids off at school, after my most recent post.

Well, let me preface this by saying I feel SO GOOD right now.  I’m excited, I’m happy, I’m me.  There are reasons for this, we’ll get to that, I have to hurry tho…

So, driving to school.  G wanted to listen to Flaming Lip’s new record, and Pigpen sang along with the Yeah Yeah Yeah song (”yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah”, and so on)

We said our little morning drive to school prayer, and said “hi” to Mommy as we passed the hospital.

Walked G into school.  He was scared to go, but he’s so tough he did his best.  He didn’t tell many jokes on the way in.  I think it’ll be good, but I’m here to pick him up if need be.  Might call to check on him later.

Today’s share day at the preschool.  Pigpen brought his new Wolverine toy (I call it a doll, to my childrens protests, because its about a foot tall, and not terribly movable).  We talked about Wolverine, and I said I think Wolverine could totally save Mom.  He said “Yeah.  Mommy’s bed is going to blow up!  Wolverine is going to kick the bed’s bootie.  He’s going to SAVE Mommy.”

It occured to me that the whole thing with Wolverine is that he heals.  He gets cut, shot, hurt, and he instantly heals.  He doesn’t get sick.  I don’t think thats lost on Pigpen, and I don’t think its been the whole time.

4 year olds are AMAZING.  Or maybe its just Pigpen.

Anyway, I said that I bet Wolverine would show Mommy how to heal like that.  He concurred.

I dropped him off, and his teacher was staying home today.  She’s a great lady, she’s about my age, hung out with us in the hospital.  She’s the type of gal that GAC and I would have enjoyed hanging out with, and very well might enjoy hanging out with in the future.  She’s had hard times, and she’s made it through with a lot of goodness.

She can stomach a roomfull of 3-4 year olds.  Dayam.

I dropped him off with the assistant, who is also a great woman, who’s had more pain in her life than you or I would ever know.  She has more love.  She is a jewel on the earth.

I left, and called the hospital, and Linda said the magic words:

“She is tolerating dialysis well.”

She also said that there’d probably be a 10 o’clock show today, because she’d just be getting off the treatment.

Life is good

—

I’m not going to beat myself up today.  That is my resolution.  That is my little step, and its been working.  I’ve been seeing the beauty.

I’m going to distract myself when I need to.  If I need to, I’m going to get angry.  I might just let it show.  If I’m sad, I’ll let that show too.

I’m not going to beat myself up.  That helps my mantra mean more.

There is nothing to fear, nothing to doubt.

Thats from a Radiohead song.  Can’t remember which one, it was on either Kid A or Amnesiac.  If thats your cup of tea, great.  If not, its a good song.

—

Dammit, seems like there was something else to say.  I gotta run.  I’m gonna grab me a chik-fil-a biscuit.

OH YEAH, the Dr Dave situation.

Some comments are getting blocked.  I emailed Califdudes about that, because it seems like Dr. Dave was really kicking her around.  Spam Karma can be an unforgiving thing.

I’m not deleting comments.  Even if I had the time, or the mental energy, theres only been one time I’ve deleted a comment that was posted on this website in its life, and thats because I posted it.

I don’t delete comments.  If I don’t want to hear what you say, I’ll tell you.  I won’t delete it, and there isn’t a line to cross.  I very close cousin got me riled up yesterday, and produced one of my thoughts in a previous post.  I love him very dearly, and he knows that.  If I get pissed at what somebody says, I’ll call em out.

Hee.

I’m not beating myself up today.

—

GAC, my BJ, my wonder, my doll.  I love you so much.  I love you with… well, you know.

I feel better today, baby.  I feel really, really good.

I love you, too.

This entry was posted on Wednesday, November 8th, 2006 at 9:34 am and is filed under Pain. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. Both comments and pings are currently closed.