November 9th, 2006 by Atomictumor
I’m totally on my own tonight, and the intarweb has my full attentions. Unless I get bored, or hungry.
I’m planning on a delicious meal of spaghetti. Its my favorite, since I was but a lad.
I plan on looking at some more of your sites. I also wanna make a new blogroll with them, call it GAC’s Posse, or something. I hope you don’t mind the linkage, cuz I’m too lazy to make it temporary. That, and I don’t ever want to forget you folks.
I plan (less tentatively than before) the epic undertaking of writing our story. I’ve started it in my head a lot, and I’m curious to see how it will go. Not that I don’t know how it went, but you know a story. Sometimes you live it, and not see parts of it until you write it.
I plan on hitting the 8:30 with a spring in my step.
I plan on dozing off around midnight, because sleep isn’t easy. I still have to pass out, rather than go to sleep.
Wow… its dark in here. I plan on turning on some lights, and some music. Actually, now…
Tonights selection is Whirlwind Heat’s Flamingo Honey, an EP collection a run of on 10 one minute songs. It also makes me dance like I’m jerked around my electricity, as I type. Course, in 10 minutes I have to figure out what else to listen to. Its cool, because one side of the record has the music, and the other side has some goofy art etched into it.
We found Whirlwind Heat when they opened for the White Stripes in Cleveland, when BJ was just beginning her school career. Ironically, she had her first tooth abcess at the time, and was in a great deal of pain, but with that gift that I find many women have, she ignored it.
Seriously, she can take pain. She broke her finger in the van door… wait, I think I told you about that…
Speaking of abcess, its possible that the one she had over Labor Day may be behind whats happening now. Its been a moot point, but she has stabilized now to the point that she probably will get that delayed head CT.
I really, REALLY, REALLY want a print out of her brain. Don’t know why. I really want it. That would be cool. Don’t know what I’d do with it, but I’d be willing to grease some palms.
I can’t stress how much better she is. I mean, yes, she’s very critical, but there’s very critical, and there’s VERY CRITICAL, and she’s just very critical.
Paused to dance like an idiot. I don’t do this when she’s here, because she makes fun of me.
Man. I got distracted on Christina’s MRSA story. I do that pretty easily. Its nice, and horrifying, to know that this goes on all over, that so many people see it. I would hate to see somebody I love go through it.
Crap. Totally lost my train of thought. And the musics off.
Hmm. New music. Lessee…
Bows and Arrows by The Walkmen is the winner, but I’m cheating, because I listened to it yesterday, and listening to the second side (my favorite). Its nice to see sides of a record, CDs took that away.
—
Ah, BJ. Lets get to the meat of this, eh? No since in another massive missive, like last night, huh? yeah, BJ’ll make fun of me for that one…
My angel, people, is minus one central line! They have pulled off all but the V pressor (can never remember the name), the Licophan (?) that was quadruple strength is gone, and her BP is 101. Oh hell yes. Can I get a hell yes?
Hell yes.
(crap, dancing again … the sheer power of the drumming and chords in The North Pole floors me. I met the singer and guitarist from the Walkmen, in the briefest, most embarrassingly fanboyish way. I talked about it here, so long ago, in different times. They didn’t play this song at the show)
So, yes, I’m so excited. Its time to start thinking about talking about considering maybe thinking about considering counting days until she gets out of the ICU. She’s going to wake up soon.
She’s going to be restrained, probably tomorrow, for when that happens. When she wakes up, the first thing she’ll do is try to rip that vent hose out. Can’t blame her.
I don’t envy her. I don’t envy her at all, because she hasn’t had the time I have to get used to it. She doesn’t remember saying good bye to her twice. She doesn’t remember praying desperately that we can be reunited in Heaven. She doesn’t remember sobbing with her children, the 9 year old trying not to break down, the 4 year old trying to understand why Dad’s crying.
She’s going to be blind (no glasses), she’s going to feel like shes drowning, but for this one tiny straw pumping air into her body. She’s going to feel that straw ripped out of her, and she’s going to have to heave and breath and get air in her lungs for the first time in so many days. Her hands will be tied down.
I know BJ. I know her backwards and forwards, I know her better now than before, and this is not going to be easy.
Oh, but I’m so happy, I don’t care. I’ve always tried to hide her from pain, and this is pain that I’ll so happily let her experience.
I’d love to be there, but I know I won’t. I’d get in the way. She needs to deal with the nurses, not with me.
I was afraid, the other day, of what I’d lose when she wakes up. I’m so excited about what I’ll gain. I’ll have her back, people! God, I love her!
It is so beautiful. So damned beautiful.
All for now. You’re being quiet out there, and I reckon thats OK. I know you’re still there, because the statcounter don’t lie, but I also know you’re excited also.
I hope you can meet her. I want to drink beer and cook steak with all of you. I want our kids to play together in the backyard, while we chat.
BJ, my angel, I will be with you soon. This is more for me than for you now. I love you, my woman. I’ve shed enough tears for lakes.
It is so worth it.
I love you, woman.
November 9th, 2006 at 7:33 pm
Wow. Thinking of you, again. Lots.
November 9th, 2006 at 7:35 pm
I thought that I would introduce myself since you are planning to put together a list of the people who have been reading along. I’m a silent supporter, holding my breath while I read your updates and being so glad that you are sharing every aspect of what’s going on with your family and also in your head. I would bet you’ve helped more people that you will ever know because sometimes all you need is to not feel alone and know someone else knows how you feel. Anyway, I found out about your story through Jasper at the McKittencats, and I thought your beautiful BJ would like to know that there are cats out there reading her story and supporting her and her entire family through this. In our cat blogosphere we send purrs and headbutts to those in need of them, so purrs and headbutts to all of you. –Mattingly (and my sister Harlie)
November 9th, 2006 at 7:37 pm
Hey Ben, good to see you (again)!
Thanks Mattingly. Sorry about all the cat badmouthing I do, but man, for as much as BJ and I are a match made in heaven, the cats and I were a match made elsewhere. Jersey, or something.
Hope the cats don’t hold it against her!
November 9th, 2006 at 7:38 pm
Hell yeah!
Sure BJ won’t remember all the stuff that you went through in the last week, but she will understand it.
November 9th, 2006 at 7:44 pm
Hey! Jersey isn’t *that* bad.
That’s what they should put on the licence plates :)
November 9th, 2006 at 7:45 pm
I’m doing cartwheels! God is good! Thank you so much for keeping us updated. Beautiful! Beautiful! Beautiful!
November 9th, 2006 at 7:59 pm
I *really* want to catch you dancing sometime when you don’t know it. I’m having a hard time imagining that.
November 9th, 2006 at 8:01 pm
AT, I have been reading every day, several times a day just to hear (actually read) the updates. I am so happy that BJ is doing well. You two have a bond and a connection that is very unique and special. Still keeping your family in my thoughts.
November 9th, 2006 at 8:07 pm
My very best wishes and continued positive thoughts from afar.
Thinking of you all x 1000.
Skye (Australia)
November 9th, 2006 at 8:18 pm
Oh yes, I’m still here and been checking several times a day. So happy for you, and all of you, that things looking up. Thank goodness. Keep hanging in there…
November 9th, 2006 at 8:29 pm
Wahoo and Hell YES! SO glad to hear your wife had such a good day. Sending many warm fuzzy thoughts her way! I’ll be crossing fingers and thinking good thoughts tomorrow for all of you.
November 9th, 2006 at 8:34 pm
I’m still here with you, and I’m also excited about what you’ll gain. Thanks so much for letting me watch while your family comes back from this frightening experience. You are still in my thoughts. My very best to your little men.
November 9th, 2006 at 8:45 pm
I really hope hubby and I get to meet you guys someday, maybe on a very relaxing trip to Greece! In the meantime, we’ll light more candles for her at vespers tomorrow. You are right, there may just be something to this God stuff afterall. Good thing, too.
November 9th, 2006 at 8:58 pm
(a.k.a. Marladusa.)
So much good news. Awaiting the re-entry of B.J. She’s gonna have some stories.
November 9th, 2006 at 8:59 pm
a.k.a. marladusa
So much good news. Awaiting the re-entry of B.J. She’s gonna have some stories.
November 9th, 2006 at 9:02 pm
I found you through Amalah yesterday and all I can say is, wow! I’ve been backtracking through the past week or so and my heart goes out to you and your family. I couldn’t ever begin to imagine what this has been like for you, but through your writing, one finds themselves feeling and seeing things through your eyes and heart. My heart breaks for you as I read about you saying your good-byes - and then it swells with happiness as I see the hope come back into your heart. I’m praying for you and thinking about you and your family. I’ll never understand how things like this could possibly happen, but I do believe it makes a person stronger. I’m pulling for you - God bless.
November 9th, 2006 at 9:27 pm
I found your site last night through Amalah and sat and sobbed as I read your posts. Your entries are so overwhelming and powerfully that I feel like I know you and your brave GAC. Thank you for sharing this with all of us and for reminding me to tell my family how much I love them! I am so very thankful that things are improving. I will continue to pray for you and your family in the months ahead. I hope that you have your beautiful GAC back with you very soon! Peace to you and yours
November 9th, 2006 at 9:33 pm
No hard feelings AT. Cats aren’t for everybody, just like humans aren’t for everycat. You don’t have to be a catlover to be a good person! I just support good people and their families!
November 9th, 2006 at 9:45 pm
Dance away, man. You definitely have a right to! Praying for mountains to move tomorrow for you.
November 9th, 2006 at 9:51 pm
I don’t know you, but I prayed for you and your family this morning, and I’ll pray for you again tonight. What I do know is the love you feel, and thinking of what it must be like to experience this frightening time will make me hug my husband a little tighter tonight (and also force him to go to the dentist for that toothache he’s had for months). Your tribute is beautiful and your caring heart is so evident in your posts. Your wife is lucky to have you, and you make her sound like such a special person, too. I hope she wakes up very soon. God bless.
November 9th, 2006 at 9:58 pm
Your post is invigorating (did I spell that right?). I feel like dancing, too! Hell yeah!!!
November 9th, 2006 at 10:06 pm
I hope that you are cooking steaks in the backyard and watching the kids play together soon. I know that you have a difficult path ahead of you, and I am glad you have this outlet. I will continue to pray for all of you and send positive vibes your way.
November 9th, 2006 at 10:45 pm
I am so glad to read this post. I hope that there is more good news on the horizon!
November 9th, 2006 at 10:50 pm
Talk about finding beauty.. Through the heart-wrenching pain of your story is some seriously beautiful love. I’ll be keeping you and your family in my prayers.
November 9th, 2006 at 10:54 pm
On AT suggestion I am using a “cool nickname” now on my comments, etc (Man that sounds so Strong Bad in my head when I think it / type it….anyway Strong Bad rocks so I am cool with that).
Anyway, great to read about all the hope, future plans, and improving news. Things are so much better then just 72 hours ago and that is a answer to our prayers.
We will continue to check in, pray, praise and encourage as we can. God is mighty and moving here. The lesson I am seeing here is find where God is moving and join Him there as it is much easier then fighting Him as He wins out in the end regardless of our attempts.
Bottom line we love reading the great news, we love to see improvement, hope, future plans, and ideas. We will be praying all of those continue. We will pray for healing until BJ is home.
November 10th, 2006 at 7:46 am
I hope you found something helpful in there - at the least it should be hopeful! :) Glad you are feeling so upbeat - that is a blessing in itself!! :)
November 10th, 2006 at 9:02 am
That was beautiful. I’m here by way of Ben. I’ll be praying for your family.
November 10th, 2006 at 9:06 am
That was beautiful. I’m here by way of Ben. Will be praying for your family.
November 10th, 2006 at 9:31 am
Just another note to say your family has been in my thoughts damn near constantly all week. There’s a lot to be said for this online “family” of bloggers. I think it’s a very powerful network of support we’ve built here amongst us.
November 10th, 2006 at 3:32 pm
Beautiful. You have a beautiful love.
November 10th, 2006 at 7:08 pm
Thanks very much. I think its pretty nice too.
November 10th, 2006 at 9:38 pm
Aw hell,
First the dog attacks me, and now…now I have to get a blog so I can be part of GACs entourage. OMG (to borrow from my 15yo daughter), what a tragedy. How on earth will I figure this out? Have time? Oh nevermine, AT can I be on the handwritten list on the fridge door?
Vickie
November 10th, 2006 at 10:59 pm
Vickie, look again. You’re totally in the posse, just not linked anywhere.
November 11th, 2006 at 10:52 am
Thank you, I didn’t notice until this morning.
Vickie
November 11th, 2006 at 10:55 am
NP!
Also, Dr. Dave is down on his meds, and I noticed out of the 204 spams yesterday, all of them were SPAMS. No good peoples got dogged.