Hi, I’m AT, I play an intelligent, articulate guy on the Internets…
November 16th, 2006 by Atomictumor
Ah, times are strange, times are strange. Come with me, let me tell you of my day.
So, when last we spoke, I had received two very heartfelt gifts, and was left to my own devices, kids at school, parents heading home. I was planning out my day, and taking a little relax time.
So, I decided to bite the bullet and take care of BJ’s and my school withdrawals. I made a few phone calls, scanned a few papers, and emailed a few people. An email seems to be enough to appease Roane State (and the irony of this might not be lost on long timers here, who recall that I had to send an email to the VP of Financial Aid at Roane State to start the semester), and I’ve received confirmation that I’ve been withdrawn. Woot. Well, except for the whole not furthering my education. Poo.
Pellissippi, well, they were going to be a bit trickier. Evidently, they don’t believe everything they read, and I’d have to head down and beat down a little shoe leather in order to get things done. I called some people, and figured I’d head tomorrow. By now, it was getting close to 1, when I was going to have a Thanksgiving meal at G’s school. I put on a nice shirt, looked at myself in the mirror, decided against a quick shave (I’m rugged), and took off.
Made it to G’s school, and had a tasty meal. We hooked up with Bos and Eaves, along with October and Lugnut, their first and third children, and had a good time in a cafeteria filled with barely restrained youth.
While I was there, I talked to a few of you who’ve been paying attention to my rambings, some recently, one or two for a while.
I tell you what, its weird to be recognized for the things I do at home, in front of my crappy computer, drinking water out of an ancient plastic cup while the kids watch Spongebob reruns being played on, well, the same computer.
I’ve always held onto the super secret internet names, and figured if I put my real name out there it’d just give Whitey the opportunity to Keep Me Down. And, if theres one thing we all know about Whitey, its that he Keeps Dudes Down. That, and I have a habit of not really making sense, and being abrasive, and saying things that might be considered in “poor taste” occasionally. Of course, normally GAC eggs me on…
I digress.
I’m not used to being recognized for anything. I’m normally a sit at the back of the room and smile quietly kinda guy, because, while I can do the public speaking thing, I’m not gifted at it.
You can understand the weirdness I feel, then, having people, some I’ve barely known, and some I don’t know, come up and tell me that my writing has touched them, that it’s meant something to them. Its very odd, lemme tell you.
I say thanks, and mean it, but I feel weird because I don’t have words to tell people how much it means to ME, that they get something out of this. I’d love to see this whole experience change people. Even if its just a handful of people realizing that the things they have may not be permanent, no matter how much you think it might be. Maybe a handful of those people will keep that with them, and use it to treat everybody just a little bit better. Hell, man, that changes the world.
How high handed is that? “My blog is totally changing the world”. GAC would kick my ass.
So, feel free to come up to me. I’ll smile, and nod, and thank you, and listen, but I don’t have much to say. I don’t much like talking about whats going on, because I’m very dispassionate about it, and people look at me funny when I say things like “Well, she damn near died, and she very likely will never wake up” with a smile.
—
Uh, ahem, I’m getting off topic. So, I went to G’s school, and had a tasty school lunch of turkey, beans, stuffing (the weak link in an otherwise good meal), potatoes, and TWO (2) rolls. Woot. MastaG sweet talked them into a hotdog with his turkey. He’s a charmer, that G.
Willow Brook took up a donation pot, and gave it to Eaves to give to me. That was amazing. Thanks, very, very much, folks. BJ would be speechless, I can tell you. They also ordered a Thanksgiving dinner for me, which presents a problem…
The preschool had already ordered a Thanksgiving dinner.
But I have a solution. Oh yes, a wicked awesome solution.
Since G’s birthday is Wednesday, and we’re not having a party like I talked about, we’re going to try to have a Thanks’G'iving, and feed as many people as like to come. My folks are coming, BJs folks are coming, Eaves and Bos are committed, and we’ll be there. I’d like to invite some of you (although, if we get a million people, I’ll have to do a lottery). If you don’t have plans for Thanksgiving, probably on Thursday, lemme know. We’ll have dinner like a family.
Ponder it, while I go about my business
—
So, left Willowbrook around 2, headed back to pick up Pigpen from the bus. I talked to a neighbor who doesn’t have internet, and answered some of the questions. Man, thats hard to do. I really don’t like talking about this in ‘real life’. Again, not because I break down and cry, because emotion doesn’t play into it these days, but because
- Its getting to be a damn long story, and I tend to keep details in, so I get thirsty halfway through.
- I think it messes a little with people how impassionate I am when I tell them is. Its facts, facts, facts. Yes, a bleed in the brain. No, they don’t know what caused it. I could care less.
- It just plain gets old.
So, anyway, I did that. Then the bus came, and Pigpen and I went ahead to Pellissippi to take care of bidness.
By the time I got out there, it was getting close to 3, and I realized I’d be late to the 3. I had missed the 1, and really wasn’t into missing another show, so I called Crystal at the hospital, and she said she had no problem smuggling me back in whenever I got back. She’s good people, as are all of the nurses there. We’re lucky, damn lucky, on that regard.
So, I got her withdrawn, with the help of Pigpen.
On the way home, I told him that today was Mamaws (BJ’s moms) birthday.
Oh wait, did I not mention that today was her birthday? Dude, it totally is.
— Hang on, heading out to the 8:30 show — to be continued later.
love you babe!
November 16th, 2006 at 8:30 pm
Hurry up and get over there….we will wait for the rest of the story. I would love to join you for dinner; however, I do believe it is just a “little” too far to drive. But thank you for the invitation, you are very kind.
Vickie
November 16th, 2006 at 8:32 pm
I believe that you are changing the world, it’s all on your shoulders AT. If I drive 150 miles to come visit on Thanksgiving will you disclose your super secret name. I’m the first reply and I call dibs - please email me your address. Nice to see you taking charge so gracefully, and managing to keep all your “new” friends informed as well. Keep fighting BJ!!
November 16th, 2006 at 9:12 pm
AT -
I can’t begin to tell you how much this story has touched me. I have learned so much from your situation. None of us are promised tomorrow and I am guilty of taking that for granted. I am amazed at your strength to carry on and be a good daddy. I have realized that I dont really have any “problems” or anything to complain about. I should be happy and love on my daughters and husband every chance I get. I only know BJ through school functions but my heart goes out to you, her, and your boys. She would be very proud of how you are handling the situation. Your in my prayers. If I can help you with Pigpen or MastaG let me know.
November 16th, 2006 at 9:39 pm
I lurk and read and have come to feel as if I know you and yours. That is strange to think about, and add to that how I forget you don’t know me back. That I’ve only commented once. I would guess, though, that I am representative of many of your readers. I just read that, in your own words, you are disspassionate when speaking. I thought I should make a point of saying that besides your keeping us informed on your family’s torment and by doing so, opening us all up to life and how its treacherous turns can be met, you are putting a face (an anonymous one!)to quite men who don’t seem to have much to say. Won’t all of us look at the next quite male we meet and wonder what depths those silences hide. And I feel as
if I can see and hear your wife, as well. She is active and very alive in your words. You do her honor with your love.
November 16th, 2006 at 9:41 pm
My husband does things on low-emotion, too. I’m not sure if that’s what brought him into math as a hobby, or vice-versa. But in the past few months, his father died, his mother has continued to behave badly, and his birth mother contacted him out of the blue for the first time on his adoptive mother’s birthday, and he’s never had a visible ounce of emotion.
And I think he’s pretty okay and, dare I say, normal most of the time. So there’s hope for you, too.
And, if it helps - we signed our wills today, and are having them notarized on Tuesday. All from reading this.
November 16th, 2006 at 9:45 pm
I can hear you on the telling people the same story over and over again — and the length of it. We did this with my daughter when she was sick and continue to tell the story as people notice that she is a little behind the curve when it comes to being a two year old. I always feel it coming when it does. Someone asks a question — a good question like — “so why is she not talking yet?” When she was in the hospital we picked a spokes person for the family — both sides. It was hard to get home from the hospital and get all the phone calls — all well meaning. Never had an outlet like this here site where people could catch up and then talk about other things. For me, talking about it is reliving it — every damn detail. We had wonderful people around — made us weeks of food we stored in the freezer. Had some of the best waffles I have ever had and they were cold. I ran into two sets of people. People who really wanted to hear how things were going and people who really didn’t but felt obligated to ask. The other set avoided me like the plague — like they could catch whatever I had. After feeling a little hurt about them going away — they were not who I expected to bail — there were all these other people that came out of the woodwork that I never knew and they for some reason gave a damn about my family. I wasn’t even related or anything. And they are still around even a couple years later. It is weird and a blessing all at once.
We are still praying here for your family. I go to work and I think about looking on the tumor but I think I would get in trouble with our internet policy. Oh, by the way, the computer is still here for you if you need it — no strings. I have some other hardware goodies too. I have a wireless keyboard and mouse to futher your blogging pleasure if you like. I have a digital video camera you are welcome to borrow — I never really use it. Still photography is my things. There is more stuff — I just have to dig a little.
tg
November 16th, 2006 at 9:58 pm
Thanks Timsan. Yeah, I feel like if I didn’t have the ‘tumor to point people too, despite the fact that I would have gone insane during the first week of November, I’d now be spending all my time telling people whats going on. Instead, I just tell them the web address. I’ll answer a few more questions, if they have em, but eventually send them here.
Its OK about the borrowing things thing, man. Thanks for the offer, but I think we should be cool. Besides, I like gadgets, and I’d be trouble with giving em back.
November 16th, 2006 at 10:36 pm
I have told you before, but will tell you again - you don’t know how much your writing has affected me. I feel so close to you, because of the similar feelings and experiences we have shared. I don’t think I could have written them down, all of my writing was done with the details, the facts, the numbers, the research - as you have said so many times. That was helpful to me, like you, to know those details, but to hear the rest of the story from you has really touched my heart in places that over the last two years, I had managed to bury down deep. Thank you for that, and if I can ever be of any help to you in your life, you have my email address, don’t hesitate to use it.
November 16th, 2006 at 10:41 pm
Christina, thanks. I love that I’ve found things in common with people, when most people never go through crappy things like this. I mean, its horrible that this kinda junk is our communion, but its beautiful that we share it.
Thanks.
November 16th, 2006 at 10:49 pm
AT, I think in another life or perhaps later in this one we could be great friends. I think it’s really cool that you are seeing the big picture in regards to your story. It can and will change at least part of the world. Quite frankly the movie “Pay It Forward” comes to mind. I’d love to bring my family up for TG but the in-laws would never understand. Plus it sounds like your inner circle is taking good care of you.
I’ve been hesitant to say this because again, I don’t want to give you false hope but generally from what we know, they (docs) do not trache people unless the patient has a good chance at some type of recovery. When you posted that she was going to get “the dolphin hole” me and the wife were thrilled.
Get some rest. Therapies are just around the corner. It’ll be hard work but it’ll be the most rewarding thing to have happened to you. GAC will be back. I just have feeling.
November 16th, 2006 at 11:14 pm
It was so great to see you at WB today with G. I admire your strength, your courage, and your love for your wife and children. As I told you, you are touching so many people through your page, your words…and BJ is touching people all over the world…even in her sickness. G touches me everyday with his courage and determination to make you guys proud of him. What a special family you are. Believe in miracles…they are as close as a prayer…You all are in my prayers daily. Please let me know if there is anything you need. I’m keeping G busy and looking out for him during the day.
November 16th, 2006 at 11:40 pm
I can tell you this much…there are far more readers than comments. I figure most people don’t know what to say, which is something that has kept me from commenting in the past. However, I have come across several blogs who have mentioned you and the bedside vigil you continue for your darling wife, all coming away with a sense of change, a sense of uncertainty about life…and above all else, a sense of love.
Go ahead, let GAC kick your ass because you really are changing the world!!
November 17th, 2006 at 4:34 am
i am the … how did you put it? … “sit at the back of the room and smile quietly kinda guy” (er, girl … er, gurl) myself which is exactly why we have never really officially met up with you and GAC. i met you and GAC and the boys years ago at october’s b-day party and when i’d see you around school(s) i’m always to shy to say hey. and i know people don’t remember faces like i do so the confusions and rejection is always a gamble. i disovered how extroverted i can be via technology and i no longer have to force myself to use the phone or struggle to find the right words in person - i have made some pretty awesome friendships via internet. anyway, i am saying i love bos and eaves and i realize that you and GAC are safe and cool and wonderful people and i consider that a blessing in the midst of all the tragedy happening. you move me with your words as i know you have been told. i forceably read my hubby an entry the other day (he couldn’t understand why i was having to check in on GAC so frequently) and i turned around to find him in tears.
eat turkey until you are busting at the seams!