Comments on: Nope… not yet

By: Magnolia Mom

Magnolia Mom — Sun, 19 Nov 2006 01:08:00 +0000

I can’t imagine what you’re going through. Like I said earlier, you and your family are in my prayers. I would love to see the picture you’re describing, but understand if that’s not something you do.

By: Sista Smiff

Sista Smiff — Sun, 19 Nov 2006 01:09:14 +0000

You do what you need to do during this time. I bet there’ll be people who will be concerned about what you are or aren’t displaying or saying or whatever…there’s no guidebook on grieving. You do it your way. I don’t blame you for not wanting to answer the phone. Don’t answer it and don’t give it another thought.

By: Kym

Kym — Sun, 19 Nov 2006 01:18:39 +0000

I can’t stop visiting here. My heart breaks for you and your family. I am a little confused, you said in this post “she only had another year or so to live”. I am shocked, and often confused on the site so I re-read like a maniac trying to figure it out. What does that mean?

By: Alison

Alison — Sun, 19 Nov 2006 01:19:15 +0000

You’ve been on my mind today. Thatisall.

By: Mrs. Daco

Mrs. Daco — Sun, 19 Nov 2006 01:19:38 +0000

I will be worried about you while you are alone but, I promise not to show up . Please call if you need me.

By: Beachgal

Beachgal — Sun, 19 Nov 2006 01:23:17 +0000

All the things that have bothered me in the past month seem so unbelievably insignificant after reading about your last few weeks.
I am a total stranger, but I have been bawling through your posts.

I will keep you and your family in my thoughts . And if these words help at all, I am very sorry for your loss.

By: Beachgal

Beachgal — Sun, 19 Nov 2006 01:25:26 +0000

All the things that have been driving me crazy lately have faded into oblivion, after reading what you have been through the past few weeks.

I am a complete stranger, but I have bawled my eyes out over your posts. If the words help at all, I am so very sorry for your loss.

I will keep your family in my thoughts.

By: beachgal

beachgal — Sun, 19 Nov 2006 01:26:21 +0000

sorry for the duplicate, my computer sucks.

By: Kate

Kate — Sun, 19 Nov 2006 01:46:04 +0000

That’s not guilt up there, is it? The part about not returning phone calls, I mean. People will call, ’cause they can. And you can ignore them, ’cause you can. Everyone who is supposed to will understand not getting an immediate callback… and everyone else, whatever. They’ll learn.

Here’s hoping the nausea subsides for your little guy. I think the younger you are, the more tightly entwined your emotions and physical health… or at least, as we get older, we hide it better.

By: toyfoto

toyfoto — Sun, 19 Nov 2006 01:55:07 +0000

It seems odd that people want you return calls. I’m sorry they don’t see the burden that puts on you.
As you’ve found, grief will come at strange times. Probably after the formal stuff has passed and you are left alone with it. My thoughts are will you.

By: Vanessia

Vanessia — Sun, 19 Nov 2006 02:08:59 +0000

I received an e-mail tonight with your link and a request for prayers for you and your family. I have read some of your thoughts and they brought me to tears. Words are useless at this time and we all grieve in our own way. You are both so very young and we never expect to lose someone we love at a young age. You are correct that you have to carry on for your kids and because your wife would want you to, but allow yourself to grieve and say No when you just need time alone for yourself and with your kids .

You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers. I’m not sure why things like this happen . BJ lived 29 years, touched many lives and had kids she loved. She touched your life, changed it and will always be in your heart. In an essence she will never be gone as she’ll always be with you, her kids and family. May God help you through this ordeal and along your path.
God Bless

By: Allisone

Allisone — Sun, 19 Nov 2006 02:10:58 +0000

AT, you can email me a list of phone numbers and I will totally pretend to be your personal assistant …
*really nasal voice*
Yes, Mr. Tumor appreciates your call …

By: jennster

jennster — Sun, 19 Nov 2006 03:04:42 +0000

i just caught up.. i had about 5 posts to read. dammit, you write too quick! lol.. and i’m crying. again.
i offer you a hug. a big, stupid, virtual, not real, hug. if it was in person, you’d love it. i’m a super fucking hugger. promise. :)
i can’t believe all of this. how quick, how everything. it reminds me of another woman blogger i came across who lost her husband at the age of 28- and she expressed frustration at the amount of resources not available to help her deal with this, at that age. i wish i could remember her blog name. if i find it, i’ll send it to you. maybe you can find comfort in someone who can at least relate to something of this craziness.

anyway… thank you for continuing to share. and i send you all my best

By: Court

Court — Sun, 19 Nov 2006 03:24:32 +0000

I know you have a million other things going on but I have a question: are there any particular charities (especially international charities - I live in Germany) for issues or things that your wife felt strongly about? I wouldn’t want to donate money to serve her memory to something that would have appalled her (and, of course, you).

I just want to add that your writing about your wife’s illness and death has been possibly the most honest writing I’ve ever read. My thoughts are with you and your family.

By: Atomictumor

Atomictumor — Sun, 19 Nov 2006 03:31:59 +0000

Court, no, not really. Really, we never had the opportunity to be charitable. I hate to say it, but it never came up. We were always broke, and we were self absorbed in our own thing.
She would appreciate something heartfelt. Thats the best I can tell you, right now. For you, if donating to causes has meaning, go ahead. If volunteering to build a house, cool. I really don’t know.

By: Flo-Queen of the Bad Mommies

Flo-Queen of the Bad Mommies — Sun, 19 Nov 2006 03:43:39 +0000

I am so very, very sorry for your loss. Do what you need to do and just love your kids. You will be in my prayers..

By: bennie

bennie — Sun, 19 Nov 2006 03:55:20 +0000

AT, from experience I think you are handling the situation like a champ. I can identify with everything you post…and I mean everything. Don’t answer the damn phone if you don’t want to. Don’t get up if you don’t want to. If somebody wants to set themselves on fire then push ‘em in the bushes. It’s weird that certain peoples think you’re supposed to act a certain way towards grief. To hell with that. I guess my family has a penchant for dark humor. If you’re dead, well yeah, we’re gonna cry and miss you but your life and love was enjoyable to have. Your screw-ups were even better. Laugh, my friend, laugh. Crying will come in it’s own time.

By: Lynnster

Lynnster — Sun, 19 Nov 2006 03:58:04 +0000

AT - Pigpen and MG aren’t into ramen noodles?

Kym - I think what he meant was that photo was taken a year ago. When they didn’t know she would only have a year to live.

By: Lynda

Lynda — Sun, 19 Nov 2006 03:58:48 +0000

Probably the problem is when people call, you’ve lost your choice to be able to talk about it when you want to. The nice thing about this site is that it’s up to you when you want to communicate. Only you know when you feel like talking about it. People need to understand that.

By: Atomictumor

Atomictumor — Sun, 19 Nov 2006 04:13:56 +0000

Lynnster, thanks for fielding the question, yah, thats how it is.
And, no. BJ was the only Ramen eater. Hell, thats just about ALL she ate. Girl was picky.

By: jules

jules — Sun, 19 Nov 2006 05:41:15 +0000

Back again to check in. I was thinking of you guys all day. Take good care, AT.

By: sumgurl

sumgurl — Mon, 20 Nov 2006 00:35:50 +0000

LONGEST MOST TEDIOUS COMMENT EVER … sometimes with you, it’s like reading a book in small increments where i am dying to comment and i can - not that you always comment back but the fact that if you want to, you can … kind-of cool. neither here nor there but cool. nothing that is happening is by “cool” but getting to know you without getting to know you is cool. not that i have anything against getting to know you and your fam outside of this … i want to someday … i just know that timing may suck now. but [i reitterate] BUT, i do encourage you to, if you are ever coming down new york avenue all “emo” and are in need of company and think no one else is around (as if you’d be scraping the bottom of the bucket with us), you have friends here so feel free to walk in as if it’s nothing. west newcomb - look for the big red van, plate number is … just kidding. or if your kids need to take their minds off grief … it’s all i have to offer which is why i keep offering. i am not a knitter so we’ll leave the healing shawls to CA, i don’t bake or cook so much. but love pigpen and all kids in general, i have instant friends for them here already, and our fridge is regualrly stocked with beer… not for the kids, mind you. i may scare you but know my intentions are good. and my prayers are endless.