The funeral home visit, or, Lets Write an Obituary!
November 20th, 2006 by Atomictumor
So, I left the house, removed the busted wheel from my bike to take it to the bike shop in town (next to the butcher shop, Oak Ridge rocks!) stuck GAC in the backpack along with the pictures BJ’ folks gave me, and took off.
BTW, from henceforth on, GAC is the laptop. Not that I’m resurrecting her or something, Mom mentioned concern that if I talk like that Pigpen will think that the laptop IS Mommy. No, nothing like that. More of a tribute. That she would NOT have appreciated as much as she should have when she was alive. Cuz she’s that way. Punk assed girl.
So, anyhows, I swung by Martins, and set up the dealy-o.
Martins Funeral Home. Saturday. 11 AM. Receiving visitors at 10. Be there or be square. Dress to the nines, or don’t.
I’ll stick it in the sidebar when I get around to it, later today.
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So, it was a good trip, and I’m looking forward to it like a hole in the head. I HATE funerals. I hate any kind of solemn, traditional, proceeding. Its not that its my wife’s funeral (but that doesn’t make it more fun), but that I’m just really not into doing it. Its cheesy. Or cheezy. Depending on your persuasion.
But, its not for me, or for BJ. Its for her folks, and her relatives, and my relatives who expect that sort of thing. For closure for people who need that sort of stuff. Maybe I won’t need it.
Because I’m still smiling. I’m still so happy that she gave me those years. Sure, let the grief and anguish come, but I’m done looking for it. Fuck it. I’m not partying, but I’m content.
Its how she’d have it. I asked her to give that contentment to her parents, so maybe that’ll help. I like to talk to her, in the solitude of my house, like I would if she were here. Not only was she my love, she was my best friend, and I’m happy she was.
ANYWAY, she’d hate it. I’m picking out exactly 26 pictures so they can make a DVD that’ll play, with cutscenes to a forest (I had a list to pick from, and forest sounded about right), and solemn “aw, she’s dead” piano music playing that I sure wouldn’t be interested in hearing again. Yep, she’d hate it.
Hee. I get to bug her even after her death!
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But, heres the kicker. They asked if I wanted to write the obit, and if theres anything I’ve been doing, its writing. I’m going to write a short one for the expensive bastards at the Knoxville paper, with their 40 cents a word, and I’m going to write a short one for my pals at the Oak Ridge Observer, and my not-quite-pals(except-for-Tank)but-still-generally-good-people at the Oak Ridger.
Actually, I’ve got a damn cool guy at the Knoxville paper, Michael Silence, who has posted on his blog several times about BJ, so I don’t mean to write him off. Michael, you are exempt from the general bastardly thing I layed down on your employers. Salut!
OK, here comes the obit… ready… go:
B.J. (Barbara) Kilpatrick died November 17, 2006, in Oak Ridge, after an illness.
Born January 18, 1977 to James and Barbara Bearden of Knoxville, she lived in Anderson County for most of her life. She married Jacob Kilpatrick in 1996, and gave birth to sons Gabriel in 1996, and Asher in 2002. They moved to Oak Ridge in 2001, where they were involved in the local schools, as well as civic matters.
She attended school at Pellissippi State, where she was due to graduate in December with a degree in Interior Design, and where she had a 3.9 GPA up to this semester.
B.J. was known as GoldenAppleCorp (or GAC) on local blog www.atomictumor.com, where she wrote online about her experiences, and where a vigil and remembrance is ongoing.She is survived by her sons, Gabriel and Asher, husband, Jacob, parents, James and Barbara Bearden, grandmother, Alice Webber, sister, Sonja, brother, Jeff, and many other relatives and close friends.
Memorial services will be performed on Saturday, November 25th, at 11 AM, at Martin Funeral Home in Oak Ridge. Reception of family will be at 10 AM.
There now, that wasn’t too hard, was it?
OK, so we’re on. Now I need to talk to Barleys and settle up with them, but I need to get a head count. I’ll make another post for that.
Uh, I just did. So, I’ll schedule this one for about 30 minutes from now.
And, I still haven’t eaten anything, so I reckon I’ll take care of that also.
November 20th, 2006 at 12:02 pm
Wow.
I have thought, as I have read your writing of the last few weeks, what it would be like to lose my husband, Kris. That man is seriously my other, better half. We were love at first sight, and it has only gotten better since. I could not get past the thought of him not being there, let alone how I would deal with the aftermath. My heart goes out to you. Keep on.
I will include a prayer for BJ, and for your family and her parents in our Thanksgiving on Saturday (not celebrating Thursday, long story, treacherous family issues…)
November 20th, 2006 at 12:37 pm
My first time here, and I have come to extend my sympathies to you and your sons, on your profound loss. Your writing is quite beautiful and I appreciate how you have kept on with it, while facing such a moment as this. I have saved a poem for many years written by an old poet of Santa Cruz, Ca- William Everson.
“These are the ravens of my soul
sloping above the lonely fields
And cawing, cawing.
I have released them now,
And sent them wavering down the sky.
Learning the slow witchery of the wind.
And crying on the farthest fences of the world.”
My condolences to you.
November 20th, 2006 at 12:42 pm
You will hear from Lise. She and Jenny are coming down and would like to give you the gift of doing the funeral service. Nothing schmaltzy-they have too much respect for you, but something meaningful and hopeful. Lise jumped on the chance-it’s what she does, and she will do it well. You can trust her and Jenny.
November 20th, 2006 at 12:42 pm
My first time here, too. I send warm and loving thoughts to you and your boys.
November 20th, 2006 at 12:44 pm
That is a wonderful obit.
still thinking of you and your family.
November 20th, 2006 at 12:50 pm
Jake what time should non family arrive at the funeral home. The obit was sound. Let me know and I and the fam will be there.
November 20th, 2006 at 12:55 pm
if you haven’t already taken your bicycle needs to a bike shop (the one here in OR that you referenced is a very good one so i am not here to slander - josh is pals with the guy) — josh is an avid road and mountain biker and also does bike repairs, tune-ups, and restorations for cheap (free for friends not counting parts). and i’m not just saying that to plug his services via AT, i swear.
November 20th, 2006 at 1:04 pm
I have been to some unusual funerals and heard about some from others, as well. Whatever works is what works, you know? The Cowboy funeral was very cool, there was one I heard about (a cultural type one) where men and women are separated and some drinking goes on and then there is a fight…which seems to bring the men and women together before it is time to leave. I went to one where a high school class signed the coffin, as they would a yearbook. A container of various colored Sharpies set on the casket for that purpose. One I was at had a specially requested flower arrangement with an actual dial telephone as the centerpiece of the spray, implied but not stated was that “Jesus called”. Funeral music is personal too, Freebird, Woman (by John Lennon) Spirit in the Sky. I think my favorite funeral was one I watched and didn’t attend…which is a good reason to like it over all the others. It was for the Clown on Mary Tyler Moore Show. That one can still bring tears to my eyes. My point is, there is no wrong way and you will do it exactly right. Peace, Sue
November 20th, 2006 at 1:41 pm
Just found your blog through Amalah. So incredibly sorry for your loss, but so amazed by your incredible attitude. You’re being exactly what your wife would hope for, I’d imagine. Exactly what I’d hope for in my hubby if God forbid, I left this earth anytime soon.
Wasn’t surprised to see it all happened in Oak Ridge- cancer capitol of TN. My mom worked at St. Jude for years, and it always amazed me how many cases of cancer came from Oak Ridge. I’d say there was something in the water, but I’m sure the gov’t would hunt me down. So I’ll just say, what a horrible coincidence.
I think one of the sweetest funeral memories I have is from my mom’s funeral- we (the kids & grandkids) let helium balloons go “to heaven” by the casket. A little bit Redneck, a little bit celebratory, but lots of fun.
You’ll be in my prayers.
November 20th, 2006 at 1:57 pm
I am so very sorry to hear about your wife’s death… I will keep you and your children in my prayers.
November 20th, 2006 at 2:22 pm
Dude, cancer had nothing to do with it.
November 20th, 2006 at 4:12 pm
seriously, people will crawl under your skin. someone told me at paul’s funeral, keep in mind, he passed from ingesting too many medications, not your everyday od, but, someone had the nerve to tell me at his fucking viewing that he’d been shootin’ up. why tell me that? he’s gone, what am i going to do? people are so strange when it comes to these things. but, just hang in there. i feel like i am reliving what i went through, just reading it differently with different characters. it seems crazy, but i can honestly say………………. the Lord WILL NOT GIVE YOU MORE THAN YOU CAN HANDLE. as crazy as it seems right now, you’ll see what i mean one day. all of you kilpatricks have always amazed me, you guys are what i wanted my family to be like. you guys are simply awesome. much love to everyone, fish
November 20th, 2006 at 4:25 pm
Here you go tank.
http://www.barleystaproom.com/knoxville/
November 20th, 2006 at 6:16 pm
Your words and tribute to BJ are wonderful. Keeping your family in my thoughts and prayers.