November 25th, 2006 by Atomictumor
After BJ’s funeral, I headed home to drop off some stuff (the sweater, iPod, healing shawl, and other stuff that Crystal held onto after BJ died), and to grab the lappy, and headed up to the GAC Memorial Parking Garage Roof. Its a nice cool day out, if I take off the jacket and roll my sleeves up.
I’m wearing the Venture Bro’s shirt that GAC and I (mostly GAC) got for our wedding renewal, 42 days ago, underneath my nice shirt. GAC loved the shirt, but hates wearing new clothes. It was given to me on a probationary period so that I can break it in for GAC, but damn, its a nice soft t-shirt. I’ll wear it tonight.
Whats the point of that? I don’t remember. Something about the universe, the duality of man, the cyclic nature of existance.
One, when talking me down from a bad trip (don’t ask), I kept telling her “It comes in waves.”
She’s say “What does?”
I’d say “The bad trip,man”
10 minutes of me silently wigging out followed (or maybe 30 seconds, who knows), and I said the same thing. She’d repeat the same thing. Eventually I realized that I was repeating myself, and got out of it.
Why am I telling you about a bad trip we had many years ago?
Why is anything anything? It has a point, I think, somewhere, but I can’t tell you what it is, and I think you’d be wrong if you tried to tell me what it is.
Anyway, ixnay on the acidsay, K?
—
The funeral was great. It was lovely. We filled the joint up. I saw people I haven’t seen in years, and people I saw yesterday. Family, friends, strangers, all came together. The pictures I made at Staples yesterday turned out well.
Aunt Nun and the other Aunt did a damn fine job. It was a touching service, and everybody seemed to like it.
I squeezed that little Pigpen the whole time. MastaG was beside us, being held by his uncle Jeff. Pigpen spilled water all over his shirt, and had to go to the bathroom once, and that was awesome.
Life goes on, people. 4 year olds pee. The sun shines on rooftops.
Its a Saturday.
—
So, while I’m not necessarily living in The Beauty right now, I’m feeling pretty good. BJ’s ashes are going home to her parents house, and they appreciated the box urn thing. I gave most of the pics to them, but kept a few that I really like.
She was a beauty. I always knew that.
Anyway, thanks. I was really not looking forward to the thing, and it turned out great. I smiled damn near the whole time, I think. Maybe it wasn’t on my face, but it was in my head.
Have a nice Saturday people. See you at 6 in the Old City. Email or contact if there are any questions/problems/thingys.
November 25th, 2006 at 12:48 pm
I’m so glad to hear everything went well and that the formal obligations are over. I hope your celebration goes as well tonight. I prayed today that your family will have strength at this time. My thoughts are with you, AT.
November 25th, 2006 at 12:50 pm
I’m also glad to see that your most recent post was only tagged “love” and not also “pain.” I wish you many, many more of those.
November 25th, 2006 at 1:05 pm
Aunt Nun & Aunt Too (I made that up, but you know what I mean) conducted a beautiful service. I hope they’ll attend tonight so I can tell them so.
November 25th, 2006 at 1:29 pm
Enjoy tonight. Let love be the point.
Praying for you and MastaG and Pigpen.
November 25th, 2006 at 1:49 pm
I’m glad today went well.
November 25th, 2006 at 1:58 pm
What I was trying to say at the ceremony, before my tears got the best of me was this, BJ is the type of mom I try to be. I admire and respect her so much. She always seemed to have it all pulled together. Your boys are so lucky to have her as their mom. She is such an amazing person. And the love that you all have between each other is priceless. If me and Evan have just half of that, I would consider us lucky! I’m sorry that I never got to tell her what a great person I thought she was, but I’m sure she knows now. We will see you tonight.
November 25th, 2006 at 2:45 pm
I have been reading here for about a week and you and your boys are in my thoughts a lot. You and BJ were lucky to have found such an amazing love, she’ll be with you and the boys forever. Today is the anniversary of my mom’s death and I will raise a glass to her and to BJ. After my mom’s memorial we had quite the party at a local restaurant with lots of drinking and laughter, I hope that you all have a wonderful time tonight, too. From what you’ve said of BJ, I can tell she would have wanted you to have fun!
November 25th, 2006 at 6:05 pm
I was thinking about you today my thoughts are with you all
November 25th, 2006 at 8:51 pm
Thinking of all of you today and have paid tribute.
November 25th, 2006 at 8:56 pm
AT,
Haven’t been around for a few days, but I wanted to let you know you’re still in my thoughts, especially today. All of you guys are.
November 25th, 2006 at 9:43 pm
I saw you at 11:45, outside Martin’s leaning on a truck (I think.) I’m sorry I didn’t come. I wanted to, but I didn’t want to intrude. I thought about you and your boys and BJ all day. It’s almost 10 pm now, I hope you are all still “waking” downtown. My glass of red is held up to you - and BJ tonight. Peace AT.
November 25th, 2006 at 9:54 pm
Sending lots of love your way - I am glad today has gone well for you, and I hope you have found some comfort. We will keep you and the boys in our prayers for a long time coming. And glad tumor is back, you were missed.
November 25th, 2006 at 10:12 pm
These last few posts are so poignant. I like to imagine you taking GAC laptop to the parking garage. Really enjoy reading the things you write whether about BJ, the boys, your story, your life now, or whatever else. Thank you for giving me this chance to get to “know” you all. BJ too, who seems as alive to me as any of you since to me you are all pixels, and you portray her so vividly. Hang in there.
November 25th, 2006 at 10:26 pm
Today was very nice. BJ would have loved it.
Thanks for the hug!
November 25th, 2006 at 11:59 pm
Just checking in to see how it’s going. Thinking about you and the boys today and wishing you the best. Hope you’re having a great time tonight.
November 26th, 2006 at 1:19 am
Briefly delurking again. Just wanted you to know, AT, that I come by all the time to see how you are doing. I don’t comment usually because I’m not sure what I can say but I’ve been reading since a few days after BJ was admitted to the hospital. I think today I just wanted to say two things: 1. I think you are grieving the way you need to grieve. Don’t let anyone else tell you any different; and 2. Even if I don’t comment, I’m one of those people out there who are thinking about you and the boys and I will be for a long time. A lot of us will be here for you in that wierd internet bloggy way.