November 27th, 2006 by Atomictumor
We went to BJ’s folks house, had a good time, and came back to Oak Ridge for dinner at the Time Out. Good stuff, I highly suggest the chicken in a sack. Its more like pita, but you get the point.
So, came back home, G played a computer game, I folded up clothes, and Pigpen kinda was bored and sulking around.
He was fussing about something, I think he was telling me he wants supper (10 minutes after eating at Timeout)
Me: “Pigpen, are you sad?”
Pigpen: “No”
Me: “I get sad sometimes. Its OK to be sad.”
Pigpen: “I hate Mommy.”
Me: “…”
Me: “Are you angry at Mommy because she died?”
Pigpen: “Yes, she’s dead.”
Me: “Little buddy, it wasn’t Moms fault. She got sick. She tried and tried and tried to get better, but she just couldn’t. The thing she wanted more than anything else was to come home to her Pigpen, and be alive some more.”
Pigpen: “Maybe I can make her alive again”
Me: “Well, no, buddy, nobody can make her alive again, but maybe you can dream about Mom.”
Pigpen: “I want to take a bath”
Me: “Good idea.”
November 27th, 2006 at 7:44 pm
It is really good that he can tell you these things. Kiddos gotta go through the process too. You gave excellent responses.
You’re doing a great job.
(Not like you need sunshine blown up your skirt from me …)
November 27th, 2006 at 7:44 pm
i was sitting next to pigpen (well, a few feet behind him) when we were waiting for the buses this afternoon and i thought “i wonder what his little head is thinking?” … let’s pray bj visits him and gives him some peace. oh, lil guy …
November 27th, 2006 at 7:51 pm
poor little guy its so good youre talking to them about it all
keep up the good parenting
November 27th, 2006 at 7:51 pm
You’re a good dad AT.
November 27th, 2006 at 8:09 pm
Poor little guy. It’s tough enough for us adults to wrap our brains around.
November 27th, 2006 at 8:11 pm
Oh sweet Pigpen.
I can’t think of anything non-ridiculous to type. That pokes my mama-heart in rough manner. You boys are in my thoughts.
November 27th, 2006 at 8:26 pm
Great answer, AT.
Fine post, too.
November 27th, 2006 at 8:28 pm
Sweet little guy. Did Project Linus visit you?
November 27th, 2006 at 8:33 pm
Yep, they did, and the kids appreciated it. They’ve never been much for token blankets, so they’ve got em buried in the room somewhere. Brats.
I thought it was awesome. Were you behind that?
November 27th, 2006 at 8:44 pm
This goes to show that children do not need over explanation. They can only process and handle so much. You did a wonderful job and I’m sure he was satisfied with your answer for now.
November 27th, 2006 at 8:52 pm
I don’t know how you know just the right thing to say. You don’t overexplain or oversimplify or blame God or anyone else. You just tell it like it is. You are allowing a gracious God to help you through this. I love you.
November 27th, 2006 at 8:53 pm
Cathy- Gabe has had his blanket around a lot. I have seen him cuddled up in it. He took it to the hotel with him on Sat night. Thanks!
November 27th, 2006 at 8:58 pm
I liked it when you told him Mommy tried not to die. She wanted to come home to him.
You did good AT.
November 27th, 2006 at 9:04 pm
Durn man, you know how to handle this stuff pretty good. Keep up the good work. The answer was sufficient for him to process. He did, and moved on, for a while. It will take a lot of whiles, but over time, his maturity will kick in and you will know it all worked for the best possible solution given the bad situation.
November 27th, 2006 at 9:13 pm
Throwing in the “little buddy” always helps. AT, you continue to teach me so much (well, you didn’t teach me “little buddy”, but you’re good for other things). I love you buddy.
November 27th, 2006 at 9:16 pm
That reminded me how we explained my cousins death to my youngest daughter. Great Job AT!!
November 27th, 2006 at 9:35 pm
::tears::
perfection. all the way around.
November 27th, 2006 at 9:45 pm
Sweet little boy. He’s lucky to have a dad who answers his questions, without avoiding the topic or answering bigger things than what he’s answers. And lucky to have a mom who started him off so well.
November 27th, 2006 at 10:22 pm
Good answer. I’m glad you have each other.
November 27th, 2006 at 10:22 pm
Good work!
Help him to see her. In a sunny day, in a good belly laugh, in a nice clean and organized house ;-)
November 27th, 2006 at 11:01 pm
AT/Jake
I am so proud of you for always answering the little guys honestly. You just continue to do your part and God will do the rest. You are actually doing work for the Lord by being such a loving and caring Daddy to Gabe and Asher. We here at the “White House” love you very, very much….good night…..Love Aunt Beck
November 27th, 2006 at 11:26 pm
Dammit. I’m sorry. I had to explain death to my five year old last month when my baby nephew died. It was hard for ME, and I wallowed in my own grief. I just don’t know how…
it doesn’t matter. YOU are doing a great job and continue to receive my admiration and prayers.
November 27th, 2006 at 11:51 pm
Hello AT,
I’m just a stranger who found your blog and I thought I would de-lurk (Unlurk? Neither are words…) It must be difficult having strangers contact you who speak to you like they know who you are after reading a few blog posts– I’ll try to refrain from doing that here.
Your parenting, writing, and overall attitude have done nothing less than inspire me. You wrote relatively recently that you liked the idea of your blog possibly changing the world, and you remarked that it was a bit high-handed. It is not your blog, AT; it is you. Your experience has given me a reexamination and a renewal of my priorities in life. One for the better. Thanks for reminding me of this.
November 28th, 2006 at 12:23 am
::tears:: here too - you are SUCH a great Daddy, AT
November 28th, 2006 at 12:28 am
awesome dad
November 28th, 2006 at 7:39 am
And (to be shallow) “…” is totally my favorite punctuation gimmick ever.
November 28th, 2006 at 8:36 am
Yes, great answers to unanswerable questions.
My mom died when I was about 13 months old, so I really don’t remember her. But when I got to the age of realizing I didn’t have a mom like other kids, I was really, really angry at her for making me different. I got over the anger. I wish someone had explained the whole thing to me like you did for Pigpen.
You are such a terrific father.
November 28th, 2006 at 9:21 am
Great job AT! Your little fellas are in my prayers to get through this! My little boy is 4 and his dad isn’t around a whole lot. The doctors told me to be honest with him and tell him the truth in a way he can understand. It has always seemed to satisfy him! Great parenting!
November 28th, 2006 at 9:59 am
Hang in there, AT. We are here for you.
November 28th, 2006 at 10:07 am
Great Job AT! When I was young, If someone died, we were discouraged from talking about it, and eventually pretended like they never existed.
November 28th, 2006 at 11:42 am
I think you did a great job and handled it incredibly. Of course my opinion and $1 will ALMOST get you a cheeseburger at McD’s, but I still think you did a great job.
Stay strong, be courageous, and know we are praying.
November 28th, 2006 at 12:48 pm
My heart is breaking.
But you’re a great dad. He will be okay. You all will be okay.
November 28th, 2006 at 5:43 pm
You have obviously plugged into the wisdom of Solomon. Keep plugging. It’s neat when you can surprise even yourself.
November 28th, 2006 at 7:15 pm
Delurking to say that a few nights ago when I was tucking my (sick, grumpy, normal) cantankerous little three year old boy in bed (again) your writing and words came to mind. I kissed him a little more patiently and with shooting pains in my heart for what he is to me. He and I both almost died not too long ago…and your writing brings that back to me. I prayed for me and my kids and for you and yours….. You are a blog prophet. Reminding us of what matters. Thank you.
November 28th, 2006 at 7:24 pm
Reddaisynow, I’m glad that it worked out, or as well as it did. You, of all people, don’t need reminders, I’d imagine!
November 28th, 2006 at 9:23 pm
A bath can make almost everything better.
Oh, Pigpen–I just want to hug him.
December 2nd, 2006 at 4:12 am
I have got to post this, I haven’t read any of my RSS feeds since the day that your post went live on Fark, AT. I’ve been sitting here reading all of them, and I’m just sitting here at my computer with tears running down my face. And its not a bad thing.. not at all.. but it’s making my brain take a trip in the way-back machine to places that i don’t think even exist in it anymore.. *sigh*
I hope you and everyone else are doing well.
December 6th, 2006 at 2:39 pm
I am sitting here crying my eyes out. You are such a wonderful father and I know your wife is proud of you for handling everything so well. Your children are lucky to have such an amazing person for a father.