Atomictumor

Well, I got some work done.  Like, work work, as in, paid money to sell time kinda stuff.  I never could get the damn phone to work on the lappy, so I had to use the desktop for the phone, and the lappy for the computer work, which meant that I was till tied to a wire.  D’oh.

I’ll work that out, over time.  Not a big deal.

I was trucking along, doing work, getting about 3 hours in, when BJ’s dad called, and I remembered just how much this all sucks.

I forget, sometimes, which is a blessing, but unfortunately, I don’t think her folks are capable of that.

—

I’m in a wonderfully empty house right now, I logged out of work shortly after talking to him, and am drinking in the feeling of BJ.  Just that back of the head feeling.  I’m not talking to her (with my mouth), but just feeling her.  Its nice, and I don’t really feel very alone.

I’m not sure if its really her, tho, because I get the feeling that the BJ I know would be kicking my ass and telling me to get to work.  Not money work, but cleaning up the house work.

BJ always loved it when I played hooky from work.  Always.  She wouldn’t ask me to, per se, but she’d mentally will me to do it.  I was sooo looking forward to retirement, when she and I could have all hours of the day together, to just piss away.

Kinda like those early days.

Ahh, but it isn’t working out like that, is it?  And thats OK by me, right now, at 11:57 in the AM on a Monday morning.  Que sera sera, as I said before.  I’ll play the cards I’m dealt.

I reckon I’ll head out and hook up with some death certificates, and then drop one by the HR lady at work to get the insurance wheels rolling.  Then I might go by Sumgurl’s house and make her husband fix my bike, as she was kind enough to offer me.  Then… hmm.  Gotta be here to get Pigpen at 2, and MastaG at 3, which doesn’t give me enough time to run down to K-town and buy a vinyl copy of A Ghost Is Born like I wanna do.  Mebbe I’ll do that tomorrow.

Mebbe I’ll get some food.  I had an orange for breakfast earlier, in my attempt to eat better and stuff, but it didn’t go far in filling me up.

—

Everybody who came down, long assed and short assed journeys to pay homage to BJ made it back safely, or so I heard.  You guys are the best.  I’d thank you all individually, but it’d take a long time.  Every conversation I had, both in email and in real life, meant a lot to me.  The offers of company, all are very important.  Not sure when I’ll get around to taking them up, I’m still reeling, but I probably will soon enough.

Its also sweet of you guys to worry about the holiday season, but I’m specially outfitted for this in that I never really cared for the holiday season to begin with, and this just made it more… hmm… important, I guess.  I don’t take my friends and family for granted, like I may have done in the past.  I want to make this fun, and nice, and good, and whatever for the boys.

It’ll suck, at times.  I still feel that cutoff whenever thoughts wander toward the whole WTF thing, and thats still OK.  I’m not going to push anything.

Anyway, I’m rambling.

Gonna go now.  Take it easy!

(I love you, little B)

This entry was posted on Monday, November 27th, 2006 at 12:03 pm and is filed under Love, Life. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. Both comments and pings are currently closed.