November 29th, 2006 by Atomictumor
Quick thought, and then I have to put the groceries up…
Out of the neighbors we have on the road here, several of them, mostly parents of kids who play with G, knew about this. The only two houses on our road that came to BJ’s funeral, or even mentioned anything about it, aren’t those parents.
One of them is a fairly new couple who moved in with their two little kids, who I sit with (and BJ would sit with) while waiting for Pigpen’s bus.
The other is the lady across the street, whom I’ve never really said more than ‘hi’ to in the 4 years we’ve lived here. I didn’t even recognize her until the funeral was over, and then it hit me. I’ve never seen her outside her yard.
The parents of MastaG’s friends, some have come and talked, some look the other direction when I drive by. They have all been avoiding me, which is really kinda fine by me.
Now… I have to get the groceries.
November 29th, 2006 at 9:25 am
Some people know how to visit at a funeral home, and to the bereaved, and they show their concern by showing up. Some don’t. Some are good neighbors, some aren’t. Back to “It is what it is.”
November 29th, 2006 at 9:43 am
Interesting and perceptive observation, AT. People are complex, and different people can have different reasons for the same behavior. I have a difficult time judging people based on this criterion.
Personally, I’d feel awkward going to the funeral of someone I didn’t know very well unless I were specifically invited, just because I consider a funeral a personal thing. Three of my four grandparents died after I graduated college, yet I didn’t go to any of their funerals. In fact, the only funeral I’ve ever attended was one for which I was paid to play music–I didn’t know the deceased at all.
My mom didn’t go to her mother’s funeral, but when she (my grandmother) was still alive, my mom visited her frequently and would care for her in ways my uncles never did (washed her feet, cut her toenails, etc).
Does that make me a bad person? I don’t think so, but your mileage may vary.
November 29th, 2006 at 10:17 am
Good perspective from damama and Joel… it’s often hard for some people to know what to say, what to do. That doesn’t necessarily mean they don’t care.
You and the boys are very much loved; BJ was loved and respected as well. Don’t sweat the details.
November 29th, 2006 at 10:24 am
Something this tramatic is more than some people can process. A co-worker lost a son last year. She has made the same comment to me that some people just don’t look at her at all while others suprised her and went out of their way to say a kind word or drop off some food. Some folks just don’t know what to say or how to react. She was initially hurt when parents of kids that played with her son didn’t even acknowledge her, but in time some of them came around and explained that they wanted to give her space or they didn’t know how to talk to her without busting into tears. Some still haven’t come around. It is what it is.
November 29th, 2006 at 10:55 am
What Netmom said.
November 29th, 2006 at 11:04 am
Oh yeah, don’t get me wrong, I’m not stressing, or passing judgement, or anything like that. Just making an observation…
Actually, I don’t know that I’m capable of passing judgement on stuff these days. I have sympathy for damn near everybody. Or empathy. Thats better. Hell, something like that.
November 29th, 2006 at 11:35 am
Observations are good.
Perhaps we can all learn from it, and make more of a point not to numb ourselves to the pain of others.
Unless it is the Prince of Nigeria. I’m so through with that man!
November 29th, 2006 at 11:42 am
Maybe the ones looking the other way think you made the story up. :)
November 29th, 2006 at 1:32 pm
Want me and Nodbob to roll some houses?
November 29th, 2006 at 4:18 pm
I went back and forth on whether to go Saturday morning or Saturday night and ended up doing neither, but you were in my thoughts all day. I have read all your posts and thoughts from last March on up til now and feel like I know you. But when it came down to it, I don’t know you and you don’t know me. I think I would have felt like I was intruding or out of place since I didn’t know BJ and only introduced myself to you at Willow Brook. However, every day I feel for you and your sons and think of you all so often. I’ve cried more over your loss than I did when my own mother died and she was my best friend. I’m sure you have not heard from the majority of people you have touched with your website.