Comments on: Regarding neighbors

By: damama

damama — Wed, 29 Nov 2006 14:25:39 +0000

Some people know how to visit at a funeral home, and to the bereaved, and they show their concern by showing up. Some don’t. Some are good neighbors, some aren’t. Back to “It is what it is.”

By: Joel

Joel — Wed, 29 Nov 2006 14:43:19 +0000

Interesting and perceptive observation, AT. People are complex, and different people can have different reasons for the same behavior. I have a difficult time judging people based on this criterion.

Personally, I’d feel awkward going to the funeral of someone I didn’t know very well unless I were specifically invited, just because I consider a funeral a personal thing. Three of my four grandparents died after I graduated college, yet I didn’t go to any of their funerals. In fact, the only funeral I’ve ever attended was one for which I was paid to play music–I didn’t know the deceased at all.

My mom didn’t go to her mother’s funeral, but when she (my grandmother) was still alive, my mom visited her frequently and would care for her in ways my uncles never did (washed her feet, cut her toenails, etc).

Does that make me a bad person? I don’t think so, but your mileage may vary.

By: Netmom

Netmom — Wed, 29 Nov 2006 15:17:06 +0000

Good perspective from damama and Joel… it’s often hard for some people to know what to say, what to do. That doesn’t necessarily mean they don’t care.

You and the boys are very much loved; BJ was loved and respected as well. Don’t sweat the details.

By: Kyle

Kyle — Wed, 29 Nov 2006 15:24:54 +0000

Something this tramatic is more than some people can process. A co-worker lost a son last year. She has made the same comment to me that some people just don’t look at her at all while others suprised her and went out of their way to say a kind word or drop off some food. Some folks just don’t know what to say or how to react. She was initially hurt when parents of kids that played with her son didn’t even acknowledge her, but in time some of them came around and explained that they wanted to give her space or they didn’t know how to talk to her without busting into tears. Some still haven’t come around. It is what it is.

By: Alison

Alison — Wed, 29 Nov 2006 15:55:13 +0000

What Netmom said.

By: Atomictumor

Atomictumor — Wed, 29 Nov 2006 16:04:08 +0000

Oh yeah, don’t get me wrong, I’m not stressing, or passing judgement, or anything like that. Just making an observation…

Actually, I don’t know that I’m capable of passing judgement on stuff these days. I have sympathy for damn near everybody. Or empathy. Thats better. Hell, something like that.

By: Allisone

Allisone — Wed, 29 Nov 2006 16:35:43 +0000

Observations are good.
Perhaps we can all learn from it, and make more of a point not to numb ourselves to the pain of others.

Unless it is the Prince of Nigeria. I’m so through with that man!

By: djuggler

djuggler — Wed, 29 Nov 2006 16:42:01 +0000

Maybe the ones looking the other way think you made the story up. :)

By: Bullet

Bullet — Wed, 29 Nov 2006 18:32:22 +0000

Want me and Nodbob to roll some houses?

By: kidsmom (Tracy)

kidsmom (Tracy) — Wed, 29 Nov 2006 21:18:14 +0000

I went back and forth on whether to go Saturday morning or Saturday night and ended up doing neither, but you were in my thoughts all day. I have read all your posts and thoughts from last March on up til now and feel like I know you. But when it came down to it, I don’t know you and you don’t know me. I think I would have felt like I was intruding or out of place since I didn’t know BJ and only introduced myself to you at Willow Brook. However, every day I feel for you and your sons and think of you all so often. I’ve cried more over your loss than I did when my own mother died and she was my best friend. I’m sure you have not heard from the majority of people you have touched with your website.