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I’ve been lurking here for so long it almost seems as though I’ve missed my window to come out of the shadows…but here I am doing it nonetheless. I’ve been following your story with BJ since Dan Renzi first linked to you on November 14. While I’m not now nor have I ever been a praying person (I’m in the atheist boat as you are/were..although I’m technically sitting below decks with the agnostics), I was hoping as hard as I could with my little heathen heart that things would turn out for the best–and I’m terribly, terribly sorry that they didn’t.
I never commented because I just couldn’t find the proper words, and I (obviously) can’t find them now, either. Your writing is stunningly vivid, funny, and intimate all at once, and it puts mine to shame. Still, I wanted to finally post and let you know that I’m still thinking of you guys, and, and like others have said, I’m here for the long haul now. In fact, I’m here several times a day. When I should be working. Thanks a lot. Heh.
Sending more good wishes from across the sea (I’m a (long-winded) Minnesotan living in Rome),
Hey no name slob (henceforth NNS, on account of because), thanks for delurking. The Morrissey show sounded nice!
Mom, its all yours.
I hate to let good feminine hygiene products go to waste…
Just curious, why do you wear your wedding band on your right hand? Is that protocol when one’s spouse passes away? Seriously, I don’t know! Because wedding bands are worn on the left and it was new to me. And I do love the way you have hers on too!
Also, been with the flu and have not gotten that N’Awlins package out just yet. Sorry. But it won’t spoil!
Guys, this looks really sad, but the truth is there really isn’t much pathos on my part right now at all. Its just feeling like our new life. And that I get room to hang my t-shirts up now.
Pictures usually tell a thousand, yours tell a million. Continue the good work AT, you are still my daughter’s hero, she told me so. And she wants very much some day to be loved by someone like you love BJ, she told me that too.
Vickie
PS: She also told her boyfreind that and he said he did love her that much, and she said how do you know I am not sick or dying and I said “Shut up…we are not testing”
I check in here multiple times each day to see how you and your boys are doing. Thank you for allowing total strangers like me to to read your story and follow you on your journey. There are so many things I want to say after each of your posts, but I’m never sure how to put them in writing. I think of you all often and I know you and your boys are going to have a wonderul life together and that BJ will always be with you.
De-lurking…
AT, I- emailed you yesterday. I wont repeat all that here.
On wedding bands I can say a few words.
I’ve heard it is common, when one’s spouse dies, to switch the ring from one hand to the other. Interestingly the hand said ring begins on depends where you live. Left for Western Europe/US, right for Eastern Europe.
However, if i’m not mistaken, the picture is reversed (being taken in a mirror), so AT is wearing his ring on his left hand.
Like no name slob, I have been lurking here for a while but didn’t quite know what to say. I found your site through a link on ClubMom, right before BJ lost her battle.
Because I don’t know you or your wife, I don’t feel right about commenting on your lives, but I do greatly enjoy reading your stories.
I guess the thing I most want to say is “Thank you”. I believe I am in a unique group, as I am the wife of a widower (or a WoW as we’re known on the web…catchy name for a difficult position), and your writing has helped give me some insight into what my husband must have gone through, years ago when he lost his first wife.
I don’t have any words of wisdom, and honestly we WoW’s tend to be a bit of a cynical bunch at times, so I will spare you all of that. I just want you to know, that though we are on opposite sides of similar situations, I appreciate you sharing.
It’s the small things that are the hardest, I would imagine.
I hope you won’t think that I’m cuckoo for mentioning this, and I hope I’m not way out of line by suggesting it, but in the photo of the closet, I notice some orb-ish bodies that aren’t present in the others. Your little ghost, perhaps?
Man those pictures really do kill me a bit. All the things, people, loved ones we leave behind when we go. It is like this delicatly woven silk tapestry — everything is connected . . . every life is connected to everyone elses. When one is removed — one single stich, it is different for what it was before. The tapestry grows larger as time goes on but that one spot where two strings once overlaped is changed. Think of all the lives she touched — think of all the lives she still touches. We are all unique and one of us leaves, the delicate pattern comes undone. BJ may your spirit live on and remain close to your two boys and your beloved husband. AMEN
My only regret, thru my whole experience, now looking back…is that I got rid of personal effects too quickly. Then again, I tell myself, it’s all material…..still….
November 30th, 2006 at 12:55 pm
I can’t even imagine how hard that must be. :(
November 30th, 2006 at 1:07 pm
Prince AT…..*big hug*……what is the story behind the beautiful BJ artwork… I love it.
coco
November 30th, 2006 at 1:23 pm
I love that picture of BJ…its so her.
November 30th, 2006 at 1:53 pm
Hi, AT —
I’ve been lurking here for so long it almost seems as though I’ve missed my window to come out of the shadows…but here I am doing it nonetheless. I’ve been following your story with BJ since Dan Renzi first linked to you on November 14. While I’m not now nor have I ever been a praying person (I’m in the atheist boat as you are/were..although I’m technically sitting below decks with the agnostics), I was hoping as hard as I could with my little heathen heart that things would turn out for the best–and I’m terribly, terribly sorry that they didn’t.
I never commented because I just couldn’t find the proper words, and I (obviously) can’t find them now, either. Your writing is stunningly vivid, funny, and intimate all at once, and it puts mine to shame. Still, I wanted to finally post and let you know that I’m still thinking of you guys, and, and like others have said, I’m here for the long haul now. In fact, I’m here several times a day. When I should be working. Thanks a lot. Heh.
Sending more good wishes from across the sea (I’m a (long-winded) Minnesotan living in Rome),
no name slob
November 30th, 2006 at 2:10 pm
The hair spray is mine. Tears for the rest. I love you.
November 30th, 2006 at 2:15 pm
Hey no name slob (henceforth NNS, on account of because), thanks for delurking. The Morrissey show sounded nice!
Mom, its all yours.
I hate to let good feminine hygiene products go to waste…
November 30th, 2006 at 2:16 pm
Just curious, why do you wear your wedding band on your right hand? Is that protocol when one’s spouse passes away? Seriously, I don’t know! Because wedding bands are worn on the left and it was new to me. And I do love the way you have hers on too!
Also, been with the flu and have not gotten that N’Awlins package out just yet. Sorry. But it won’t spoil!
November 30th, 2006 at 2:21 pm
Guys, this looks really sad, but the truth is there really isn’t much pathos on my part right now at all. Its just feeling like our new life. And that I get room to hang my t-shirts up now.
November 30th, 2006 at 2:23 pm
Pictures usually tell a thousand, yours tell a million. Continue the good work AT, you are still my daughter’s hero, she told me so. And she wants very much some day to be loved by someone like you love BJ, she told me that too.
Vickie
November 30th, 2006 at 2:26 pm
PS: She also told her boyfreind that and he said he did love her that much, and she said how do you know I am not sick or dying and I said “Shut up…we are not testing”
November 30th, 2006 at 2:38 pm
I check in here multiple times each day to see how you and your boys are doing. Thank you for allowing total strangers like me to to read your story and follow you on your journey. There are so many things I want to say after each of your posts, but I’m never sure how to put them in writing. I think of you all often and I know you and your boys are going to have a wonderul life together and that BJ will always be with you.
November 30th, 2006 at 2:40 pm
De-lurking…
AT, I- emailed you yesterday. I wont repeat all that here.
On wedding bands I can say a few words.
I’ve heard it is common, when one’s spouse dies, to switch the ring from one hand to the other. Interestingly the hand said ring begins on depends where you live. Left for Western Europe/US, right for Eastern Europe.
However, if i’m not mistaken, the picture is reversed (being taken in a mirror), so AT is wearing his ring on his left hand.
November 30th, 2006 at 3:34 pm
i want to say something but it’s too much to say … thoughts are with you daily, like the freak i am.
November 30th, 2006 at 4:26 pm
oh how can you make me laugh (comments) at a time like this? don’t know, but you did. my thoughts are with you. still.
November 30th, 2006 at 4:36 pm
AT,
Like no name slob, I have been lurking here for a while but didn’t quite know what to say. I found your site through a link on ClubMom, right before BJ lost her battle.
Because I don’t know you or your wife, I don’t feel right about commenting on your lives, but I do greatly enjoy reading your stories.
I guess the thing I most want to say is “Thank you”. I believe I am in a unique group, as I am the wife of a widower (or a WoW as we’re known on the web…catchy name for a difficult position), and your writing has helped give me some insight into what my husband must have gone through, years ago when he lost his first wife.
I don’t have any words of wisdom, and honestly we WoW’s tend to be a bit of a cynical bunch at times, so I will spare you all of that. I just want you to know, that though we are on opposite sides of similar situations, I appreciate you sharing.
November 30th, 2006 at 4:41 pm
MountZionRyan for the win!
BJs band fits my right pinky, while mine is on my left ring finger.
November 30th, 2006 at 4:43 pm
CourtneyJo, thanks. You feel free to drop in and comment any time!
November 30th, 2006 at 4:46 pm
Just another stranger saying beautiful post, Mr. AT. Thank you so much.
November 30th, 2006 at 5:16 pm
Hey AT. Hope you are doing well today.
November 30th, 2006 at 5:37 pm
“However, if i’m not mistaken, the picture is reversed (being taken in a mirror), so AT is wearing his ring on his left hand.”
One can prove mirror image reversal by the writing on the T shirt. Just sayin’
November 30th, 2006 at 6:29 pm
Wow.
November 30th, 2006 at 6:53 pm
AT — you are good people. Just thought you should know that. Don’t let any ass monkey tell you diffrent. I don’t know what an ass monkey is.
November 30th, 2006 at 7:11 pm
{{comforting hugs}} those pictures made me cry … again.
November 30th, 2006 at 7:38 pm
“Prince AT,” come on Coco…give me a break. He’s cute and all, but I’ve met his dad and while he is a hella guy he ain’t a king.
November 30th, 2006 at 7:43 pm
Uh, Nigerian prince, hello…
November 30th, 2006 at 9:09 pm
It’s the small things that are the hardest, I would imagine.
I hope you won’t think that I’m cuckoo for mentioning this, and I hope I’m not way out of line by suggesting it, but in the photo of the closet, I notice some orb-ish bodies that aren’t present in the others. Your little ghost, perhaps?
Thanks for having us over every day.
November 30th, 2006 at 9:41 pm
I don’t see it, Jezer, but I doubt it’d be BJ. She always hated being photographed.
November 30th, 2006 at 10:27 pm
Man those pictures really do kill me a bit. All the things, people, loved ones we leave behind when we go. It is like this delicatly woven silk tapestry — everything is connected . . . every life is connected to everyone elses. When one is removed — one single stich, it is different for what it was before. The tapestry grows larger as time goes on but that one spot where two strings once overlaped is changed. Think of all the lives she touched — think of all the lives she still touches. We are all unique and one of us leaves, the delicate pattern comes undone. BJ may your spirit live on and remain close to your two boys and your beloved husband. AMEN
November 30th, 2006 at 10:58 pm
My only regret, thru my whole experience, now looking back…is that I got rid of personal effects too quickly. Then again, I tell myself, it’s all material…..still….
November 30th, 2006 at 11:14 pm
Be gentle with yourself.
BTW You have great wood floors!
November 30th, 2006 at 11:28 pm
Your closet made me cry.
December 1st, 2006 at 11:22 am
Touche! I stand corrected. Left finger it was!