December 1st, 2006 by Atomictumor
Yes, Allisone, another title we recognize!
So, my abs hurt, I’m drinking at the Mellow Mushroom, I just put out something that MastaG would kill me for having (it was good), and I’m wondering if theres some kind of secret handshake involved in the outside world these days for folks.
Its interesting, because I’ve been in my own world for so long, and now it seems like I wanna join this one.
Hmm.
—
So, the rings are still off. My fingers are kinda cold, but its a little nice to feel like I’m moving on. I commented earlier today that maybe I’ll be mad at myself one day for trying this kinda stuff too early, but right now I think its OK.
I’m getting tired of writing about myself! Seems like I’m tired of hearing about me, blah blah blah, getting into emo territory. GAC would mock me. Mock mock mock.
Its only been one beer. I’m not dumb, and I’m not planning on being self destructive or any of that kinda stuff. However, its a Friday night, the kids are gone, and I’m alone in Knoxville. Its nice being around all these people having a good time, and sitting on the periphery of things. I don’t ever really wanna involve myself in the kind of life that involves drinking beer at a Mellow Mushroom more than every once in a while, but its a bit of a treat. Why the hell didn’t GAC and I do this?
Oh yeah, because we couldn’t afford it.
Speaking of afford, today I’ve been playing with a new idea. See, the van sucks. BJ (almost said GAC, but, like in Fight Club, she’s BJ now) wrote at length about its many faults a month or two ago, and I’m thinking that I don’t need something that big. I additionally don’t need to pay for insurance for two cars. I love the Volvo, but its just not dependable enough for us to rely on as an only car.
So, I’m thinking that BJ may be getting us a new car.
Carmax has a Jetta for cheap. Figuring, even if I got a crappy interest rate (which I probably would, on account of I suck), it’d cost about 100 bucks a month less, for a nice, 6 cyl, quick ass’d manual transmission Jetta.
Now, I’m not gonna rush out and buy a car, I’m going to be all sorts of studious about it, and involve Eaves, who is the worlds best penny pincher. Actually, let me take a moment and apologize to Bos, who expressed interest in heading out with me. I figured I’d head to O.R. after dropping the kids off, but didn’t.
Holy moly, is this rambling? Has that beer (OK, two beers) gotten on top of me? Am I going to be trapped here, in this world of 20somethings, for the rest of the night? I moved over a second ago for some folks to play the poker game at the end of the bar, and we talked computers for a bit.
This is nice.
Wheres the plot, man? Wheres the damn point?
—
I think its outside somewhere. I don’t think the wifi here is working well, and I’ll end up losing this rambly train wreck of a post.
Why do my abs hurt?
Good question.
Its because I did a bunch of sit-ups this morning. Seriously, like two days of that, and I’m a big ol’ sissy. I need to keep that up, and get all in shape. I think thats going to be a part of the new me, and thats good, because the old me was really trying to think about wanting to get in decent shape for a while. So, maybe thats a silver lining.
Hmm.
—
So, I noticed today, that a writer for Nashville Scene, and a pretty good blog writer herself, said something about my site. I’ve noticed a lot of people noticing this little site, and I’m almost afraid it’ll go to my head.
People think I’m a good writer? What?
Well, thats cool. I don’t really have low self esteem, which is a hallmark of a good writer, so what does that make me?
Maybe that’ll be part of the new me too. I’ve always enjoyed this stuff, but I’ve enjoyed doing it for me. Its strange having other people enjoy it, because I don’t really think its very good. I mean, I reread it, and think “well, I summed myself up pretty well”, but to have strangers, who don’t have the luxury of having a condo in my noggin, tell me its good?
Shoot man, its all reaction. I would say that the words, many of them, particularly the ones that I said to my children that helped them, didn’t come from my brain. I’d say that God, or Brahma, or whatever put them there, but thats sounding pretty high and mighty, eh? Still tho, I think I’ve had a lot of help, and thats hard for a prideful man like me to admit.
Good thing this is just the internet, eh?
—
Hell dude, lets cut this thing off before it gets silly, huh? Maybe I’ll be back later.
I love BJ. I love her so much. I don’t know how much I feel her, and I feel the enormity of our paths diverging. I feel myself changing, and her being… something else. I still intend to meet her after all of this, but who will I be then?
Thats a question that I don’t think any of you can answer, my varied internet friends.
December 1st, 2006 at 9:13 pm
I Doo-wee, do do do do do do do do do love me some White Stripes :)
December 1st, 2006 at 9:13 pm
Worst. Post. Ever.
December 1st, 2006 at 9:20 pm
Im so glad that lindsey wrote about your blog on hers thats how I came to find your site. You really are a good writer! Im so glad you went out and got a beer or 2.Kids are wonderful but as a single parent its nice to have a night like that even if it is very seldom.
December 1st, 2006 at 9:23 pm
Dude, you’re allowed.
geer boggles
December 1st, 2006 at 9:34 pm
Again you have to do what is right for you. I hope you are enjoying yourself. I never thought of taking my lapdancer (laptop) to the Mellow Mushroom. I hope my computer doesn’t get jealous…
Enjoy yourself!
December 1st, 2006 at 9:38 pm
geer boggles… lol
December 1st, 2006 at 9:51 pm
I highly recommend you scope out Consumer Reports before you buy a car. I didn’t do that last time and ended up with a piece of crap I had in the shop 10 times in the 6 1/2 years I owned it for repairs. This time I went by Consumer Reports and am SO glad I did! I have subscription access to the site if you ever want me to look something up for you : ) Just drop me an email.
December 1st, 2006 at 10:35 pm
Being a jetta owner, I have to say DON’T DO IT!!! VW’s all well and good for a while, but they are the ONLY ones who can work on their cars - so if anything goes wrong with the damn thing, or (as I just found out) you replace the battery without rebooting the computer, you still have to find the friggin VW dealer 60 miles away so they can charge you $200 to reboot the sucker. Or $400 per door to replace the lock mechanism in each of the doors so that the integrated car alarm won’t go off every time you stick your toddler in (because turning the alarm off will disable your windows/horn/headlights).
I’m not bitter, but you got enough on your plate.
December 1st, 2006 at 11:03 pm
mr. self destruct.
December 1st, 2006 at 11:08 pm
Well, there’s worst posts and then there’s worst posts. You can blame it on me, I’ve been utterly lacking in creativity and humor this week. ‘Cause there can’t possibly be anything else in your life that might make you a little critical and doubtful, selfwise.
Hang in. It doesn’t sound like you spend much time now beating yourself up for past choices, so chances are that you won’t attack yourself in five years for however you end up coping with things now.
December 1st, 2006 at 11:30 pm
Thanks, VW owner. Thats the kinda crap I totally don’t need. Its a shame they’re damn near the only car company with pleasing aesthetics that don’t cost an arm and a leg… grr.
December 1st, 2006 at 11:39 pm
mmmmmmmmm mellow mushroom. wish we had one down here in n’awlins. there is one in Baton Rouge I think, but we go to Franklin, TN for ours! : )
Nissans are fab-u-loso! have had 2. long life and few prob-o-lemos! i’d recommend highly.
(and put that smelly butt out and leave it out, blah!!)
December 2nd, 2006 at 12:47 am
You are a great writer (look at how many of us are hooked). Glad you are getting some recognition.
Now here is the one and only piece of unsolicited ad/assvice I will ever offer.
First the details, everyone’s got a story, right? Dear friend of mine’s husband left w/3 other men in a small plane to do a quick trip to the Wake Forest-Clemson game in NC from VA this past Feb. Dear friend Amy barely kissed her young, cool, awesome husband Mike good-bye; it was like a 12-15 hour round-trip, game included, they were busy, she was running the kids (13 and 10) around, etc. You know where this is going. Plane crashed on landing back here in VA. No survivors. Very soon after the ceremonies and such Amy had the itch to somehow figure out or try to define her new life w/out Mike. She thought it would help her feel more “settled” or something. She said that the very best thing that happened to her was when a friend sat her down and made her promise not to do anything drastic for at least 6 months. She says it slowed down all of the great plans that she’d been mulling over, but that it really was for the best. She stopped over-thinking and just relaxed a little and kept going about the day-to-day. Of course, without Mike her day-to-day was a little different than before but she thinks that the lack of too many changes all at once actually grounded her and helped the kids get through it, too.
The new or new-er (craigslist?) car idea sounds like a good idea. So do the oranges and the sit-ups and a little grown-up time now and then. The phase of your life w/out BJ is happening every second. But take it light. Don’t overthink it.
December 2nd, 2006 at 1:21 am
Oops, sorry about the bold type. Should have stopped after: not to do anything drastic for at least 6 months. Can you tell my 13 year old is teaching me HTML? To her credit, I put the slash in the wrong place. HA
December 2nd, 2006 at 3:49 am
Ok, just gonna go find some idiot to lend me money (cuz no one else will, that is why I rent) and open something, anything called the Mellow Mushroom. It has to do well here in Sun Diego, home of half hippies and half retired people. Ok, I see that might not work on account of the half retired people….cuz for some reason they live three times as long here and are all 210 years old. I go to the grocery story to watch the “park by feel” method. (They just back up until they “feel” a car gently, then forward until they “feel” the car. I am serious, that is how it is here.
But seriously, that is a great name. Vickie’s Mellow Mushroom
December 2nd, 2006 at 5:44 am
I’ll second Jettaowner’s comment… we’ve had several over the last 20 years. Hubby’s addiction to them is cured, and he swears we’ll never own one again.
December 2nd, 2006 at 5:54 am
I think that there are three kinds of change and 31 flavors at Basken Robbins. There is the change we are forced to make and there are is the change we have to make and there is the change we deside to make. You seem to have a mixed bag.
The Jetta is a nice car. Only warning — you can get a good one or you can get a bad one. They tend to spend a little more time in the shop. With carmax, make sure it is not a “value max” car. No warranty — bad intrest rates. If it is a Honda or a Toyata and has 35,000 miles on it — it is still a baby. But what I am talking about???? You are a big boy and I am trying to hold your hand?! And guys holding hands . . .
December 2nd, 2006 at 6:05 am
Further thoughts . . .
I was thinking about this Wifi thing at an establishiment that serves beer. You know the stories about drunk phone calls to your ex? What if you had access to your company’s email and started dropping drunken emails? Man, that would suck. I think I would change my password before I went out. Or have a designanted Internet Buddy — “Alright now you are little tipsy — best give that lappy to me and let me drive.”
December 2nd, 2006 at 8:04 am
Wow, AT. You sure covered a lot in that post. As I read it there were all kinds of things I wanted to comment on, but since I don’t want to go back up I’ll just give you a long distance pat on the back- the kind that irritate dad- and tell you I love you. I think the car idea makes a lot of sense. Sell them both and get something reliable. Knowing my love of shopping, send me an assignment if you want to. Although that Volvo does have style…
December 2nd, 2006 at 1:27 pm
damn good writer.
December 2nd, 2006 at 1:53 pm
VA Bluebelle…6 months is right! My friends told me to wait TWO YEARS…and that just seemed like an eternity when all I wanted to do was get on with the rest of my life and try to FORGET the pain. So I went off the deep end.
I’m back now.
Thanks for writing, AT. Reading your stuff is as healing for me as writing it is for you, I bet.
Long-distance internet hug!
December 2nd, 2006 at 8:52 pm
Hey AT, I’ve got a Carmax (Knoxville) connection - a good one seriously. If you want me to put in a word for a good deal, comment on my blog.
December 3rd, 2006 at 5:45 pm
U R A GOOD WRITER :)