My Morning With the .Gov, or, Another Reason to Get Rid of the Van

December 6th, 2006 by Atomictumor

So, I rolled out this morning to meet the SSI people, so that I can claim my government sanctioned weregild. I got there, as requested, 15 minutes early, to a mass of people huddling outside the door.

A little like on the Statue of Liberty, but no half naked girl in a robe.

After waiting about 5 minutes, we were allowed inside, where there was jockeying for position between “Guy Who Brought Two Sisters And Wants Everybody To Know”, “Angry Middle Aged Woman Who Has Been Trying To Get These People Off Their Asses For Four Years And Fix Her Social Security Check And Wants Everybody To Know”, “Loudly Whispering Old Man With Wife Who Doesn’t Understand Why Wife Is Doing This”, and the ubiquitous “Guy In Cowboy Hat” to be first in line to punch in your number and magically get a ticket.

I, being a cosmopolitan IT professional, fully versed in the ways of magical ticketing machines, was content to get my ticket last, and locate the most secluded seat I could find.  LWOMWWWDUWWIDT came over and sat down, were they commenced having the loudest whispered conversation ever (that, or my transformation to a bat is nearly complete) until I was called back.

The angry German I was expecting was replaced by a friendly middle aged guy, who complained about the computer, strained his neck because the monitor was too low (he told me his chiropractor was a good friend), and took about an hour to get everything loaded up.  By the time we were done, I had claim receipts in the amount of Exactly What I Was Expecting (which may mean my transformation to a clairvoyant bat is nearly complete).

Score one for AT and getting stuff done.

Since I was out of oranges this morning (subtract one from AT for slackin) I had a tasty breakfast of chicken biscuits at the CFA, and then dropped off the paperwork for BJ’s life insurance claim to work (4 -6 weeks till payday).  That means I’ve pretty much cashed the girl out.  I think I still have to sell back her school books, then I’ll be done…

I was wondering today, if somebody put the born and died dates to our marriage, when would the final date be?  Nov 17?  I don’t think so, because I’m still taking care of her stuff.

The other day, when I took off the rings?   Nah, I don’t think that either.

When I got home, I pulled up in the driveway, and saw BJ’s van sitting there.  I involuntarily got excited that she was home, before I stopped myself.

I think maybe when I get rid of the van, that’ll be a good end date for it.

20 Responses to “My Morning With the .Gov, or, Another Reason to Get Rid of the Van”



  1. Sarah Says:

    She’s still good for the van. Oh, and any unopened girlie products can be returned to Wal-Mart– they take anything back. You can still squeeze a few more bucks out of her. :)

  2. Atomictumor Says:

    Well, I was thinking of finding some kind of use for em… like maybe a tampon statue or something, but I figure that’d be inappropriate.

  3. Allisone Says:

    http://www.tamponcrafts.com/
    tampon gun?

  4. Elizabeth Says:

    http://www.tamponcrafts.com/

    ..just sayin’…

    Whenever the date is, Carmax is awesome. I used them when I went thru all this…

  5. Amnesia Says:

    Wow - I cannot imagine doing those things…so final. You handle it all well, as expected. Me? I get ruffled just reading about it. Wow - I am such a girl.

  6. Allisone Says:

    only on the ‘tumor would TWO of us pipe up with the tampon craft site :)

  7. Elizabeth Says:

    LMAO Allisone……birds of a feather…I guess…I hope…eeks!..whahahaha! Too funny..

  8. Birdlady Says:

    You are funny. That whole bat business and then the link to Dionne Warwick! You are good.

  9. angell Says:

    as an outsider looking in I dont think there will ever be an end date. YOu can get rid of the van, books, and rings but every day you see those boys you will remember.I know its hard right now but in time it gets easier.Hugs angel

  10. Southerncharm Says:

    You can use the tampons as Christmas tree ornaments (how convienent it has a string). They will look like icicles hanging ever so elegantly. :-O

  11. Netmom Says:

    I don’t know that you could ever say the marriage died. It has become something different, more ethereal, but not dead. A marriage dies when the love goes away, and that didn’t happen.

    Not like you need advice, but forget tampons on the tree (fire hazard). You could donate them to the YWCA women’s shelter — that’s something they always need, but that few think to donate.

  12. Snickrsnack Katie Says:

    I don’t think your marriage needs to have an end date. Like the last person said, a marriage only ends when the love ends, and you will never stop loving your wife. Even if you meet someone else and fall in love again, you will still not stop loving your wife. I think you are handling things tremendously well. Way better than I ever think I could handle it… You do need to go on, but your marriage and love for her will never end.

    Oooh, tampon crafts! All you need are some pipecleaners and googly eyes and you will be ready to go for a fun day of crafts with the kids!

  13. Sarah Says:

    Tampons are also good for bloody noses. Just stick the applicator up the nostril and Voila!

    I would say I’m sorry for turning this into a string about tampons, but I would have to stop laughing first. :)

  14. VirginiaGal Says:

    The “I involuntary got excited” really got to me. One of my in-laws neighbors committed suicide earlier this week. Thanks to your writing, I have a much better perspective on how the wife and kids (to some extent) are functioning through this first period. And what are good things to say, though the loss of a spouse through illness is easier to respond to than suicide. I don’t want to be a downer, but wanted to recognize your influence on how at least one person is reacting to a tragedy. (See, you are paying it forward…)

  15. daco Says:

    I agree AT…time to trade the van, but hang on to those tampons. You have kids. Kids that spill stuff. Dude those tampons suck up more kool-aid than an entire roll of Brawny. Of course, you will need one of those large 30 gallon leaf bags to dispose of the thing.
    …never mind.

  16. Judy Says:

    Congrats on surviving the beaurocracy of the Social Security Administration. They really are good people…it is the clientele that can be so, um, interesting, as you noted.

  17. katie allison granju Says:

    Jake - Please e-mail me your e-mail address (mine is xxxxxxxxxxx). Jon and I want to send you something directly.

    :-)

    Katie

  18. Atomictumor Says:

    OK, working up…
    Katie: You’re scaring me.
    Judy: Almost as good as going to Walmart
    Daco: yep
    Virginia Girl: The first two times I read that, I thought you were saying the poor guy killed himself because of my writing! My heartrate is going back to normal now… sorry to hear about it. Me and suicidal urges used to be penpals, so I feel for the guy.
    Sarah: Its totally your fault this has thread has fallen apart like this

    Everybody else, I’m not looking so much as for an end date, as my controlling nature wanting to say “NOW is when my new life starts.”

  19. Jacket Says:

    “NOW is when my new life starts.”

    Purgatory dude, betwix and between. You will know it when YOU see it.

  20. Knarf Says:

    Just checking in to say Hey and that we are still here and praying for you all. Great to read it is going ok and things are getting done…got to love the Govt.

    ANYWAY, just wanted to tell you we are still here and praying for you all, just trying not to be bother.

    Stay strong, be courageous.