December 8th, 2006 by Atomictumor
So I got a letter from the organ donation wankers today, starting out with “no words that adequately express blah blah, hope decision to donate has brought solace, blah blah blah”
Well, lets see, shall we?
Her right kidney went to a 57 yr old man in Pennsylvania. A retired postal worker who enjoys pool and dancing. Three kids, doesn’t mention marriage.
Her left kidney went to a 40 year old man in Illinois. Father of 2, works at Wal-Mart, enjoys basketball and football.
Her liver was transplanted to a 58 year old truck driver for GM, married, one kid, one grand kid.
All are doing well.
This brings me shit all. A 28 year old, vibrant, beautiful girl with a world of possibilities dies out of the blue, these people send me a note to tell me that the 3 people who benefit from this are, apparently, losers.
Great.
Thanks for writing, wankers.
December 8th, 2006 at 1:37 pm
Whoa Dude, that is harsh.
December 8th, 2006 at 1:40 pm
I’m sorry…that’s got to be hard…up until now I have experienced a lot of what you have been through…ugh..
:(
December 8th, 2006 at 1:40 pm
I’m sorry you feel this way, AT. I don’t think that note was a celebration of BJ’s death.
December 8th, 2006 at 2:03 pm
Correction: BJ was 29.
“that is harsh.”
Whats your point? That I’m not satisfied that 3 older men are living off her death, rather than somebody else like her?
That I requested not to hear from these donation wankers for JUST THIS REASON, because NOBODY in the world is going to feel, to me, deserving to live off BJ’s death?
That I did it anyway, even tho I didn’t want to donate the shit, and now I’m not happy about it, but its best because if I didn’t donate them I’d hate myself?
I read things like “truck driver” “wal-mart”, and children without marriage, and I wonder if this person is worth it?
Its just meat, I know, but this is NOT what I wanted to hear.
December 8th, 2006 at 2:12 pm
Obviously nobody could measure up to bj in your eyes. I think its great that you donated her organs and as you said its something she would have wanted. It was a good way to honor her memory. However it really threw me and I guess I hadnt seen that side of you in some of your last posts. YOure definatly angry and thats to be expected. However every life is precious I dont think that because ( truck driver) which some of those guys make alot of money and make sure you and i get the goods we need) (walmart) kids with no marriage mentioned means that they are less deserving than anyone else. I hope you wont share this attitude with those boys :( What if the man with the kids lost his wife due to death or something he had no control of? I think you should contact the donor office and tell them you wouldnt like to recieve any more information. Or put it away for your children maybe they would like to see it someday. Im sure those people who recieved her organs and their friends and family are so greatful to you and to your wife. It just saddens me to see someone lash out like that.
December 8th, 2006 at 2:17 pm
AT,
At this time, I doubt that you would find comfort in knowing if BJ’s organs went to another person just like her. You are still processing her loss, and with the anxiety of the upcoming holidays…comfort isn’t going to come easily.
Might I offer a slightly different perspective?
No life is a waste. (Ok, maybe mass murderers and pedophiles.) Each one of those people has family that love them. Every one of that has something to contribute to their little part of the universe. Instead of 4 people dying…BJ, The Truck Driver, The Wallyworld Dad and the Retired Mailman…3 were given the incredible gift of life. It’s not up to us to measure the worth of a life…life is the gift. I would fully expect that all three of those recipients and their families are grateful, and joyous and saddened…I can’t imagine being a recipient knowing that your joy has to be tempered by someone else’s greif.
Try not to be too judgemental. That is an easy emotion to grab onto, but in the long term, isn’t the most productive.
I sincerly hope you find solace in knowing BJ’s generous loving spirit is probably delighted to have shared iwth three other lives..no matter who received her parts.
Peace.
December 8th, 2006 at 2:19 pm
I would agree that perhaps the transplant folks could use a little PR help. What they didn’t tell you would still not make it worth BJ’s life… but there is more to these three people than their professions, marital status, or number of children.
It’s perfectly okay for you to not want any continuing contact from the organ donation folks, and they should respect your wishes. Throw the letter away, and forget about it. But I will always remember that in the face of a crushing loss, you had the strength to make sure that some good came of it for someone you will never know.
Remember, you didn’t trade her life for theirs. You gave them a chance at life in spite of your own loss, when you didn’t have to. Really and truly, would BJ have had it any other way?
I wouldn’t.
December 8th, 2006 at 2:21 pm
Moving on to anger. Follow the Kuebler-Ross road…..
December 8th, 2006 at 2:21 pm
I can’t tell if someone is a loser based on occupation, age, or marital status. I’m glad you gave the gift of life to others. I’m sorry you are hurting.
December 8th, 2006 at 2:25 pm
Dude, whatever other people say, I have to admit that I thought the same thing when I read your post.
And I laughed out loud when I read your response to it.
But of course each of these people don’t think of themselves as how they were described by the donor place.
But maybe that’s not the point. The point is that you asked not to find out and they told you anyway. That’s messed up. Somebody should get into trouble for that.
They shouldn’t tell you what you don’t want to hear.
December 8th, 2006 at 2:27 pm
I agree with others. The anger that you are feeling is very expected but judging people to be “losers” based upon where they work or worked is not a kind thing to do. You have experienced enormous kindness through this website. Perhaps when your anger is not so fresh, you could pass some of that kindness along, whether in thoughts or words. Those three individuals might be, and hopefully are, very important to other people.
December 8th, 2006 at 2:29 pm
Thats it.
The last thing I’m looking for is judgement.
I’m sure you mean well, but this conversation is over.