March 26th, 2007 by Atomictumor
For the security minded of us out there, a company in North Carolina is marketing paint that will reportedly block certain wavelengths. While this is marketed towards government and corporate entities looking for a little more oomph in their security, I’m seeing it pretty strongly in favor of protecting one from the dangerous mind control alpha rays that the Government, along with assistance from the dog aliens out at Sirius, have been broadcasting since the late 50s.
As we all know, the natural counters of these alpha rays, namely, tin foil, nicotine, red meat, and burning fossil fuels, are all being attacked by a vast conspiracy designed to obliterate all resistance to these vicious control rays. Luckily, the good people at EM-SEC have produced this paint. Now, I’m certain that its not been rated by the FDA for body use (as they are controlled by the Council of Foreign Relations, who themselves are lackeys of the Dogons of Sirius), but I’m certain that EM-SEC has ensured that it will be safe for human use.
Now, what I suggest is getting an old style, lead lined bathtub, and filling it up with the paint. The color doesn’t matter, but personally, I think a nice green would be appropriate. Soak yourself in the paint for upwards of 20 minutes per day, and you should see the urges to do things like pay attention to Anna Nicole Smith’s ongoing deathwatch, American Idol, and Katie Couric start to subside.
A public service announcement from Atomictumor.
March 26th, 2007 at 12:24 pm
the old 60’s green like the bathtub in our old trailer and our old stove.
what a refreshing post!
March 26th, 2007 at 1:40 pm
You know, soaking in paint in a lead-lined tub (possibly cooking in a lead skillet with mercury seasoning as well) could explain a great deal of odd behavior lately.
March 26th, 2007 at 2:17 pm
Man the only way I’m sittin’ in a lead lined bathtub with paint up to my neck is if the paint is lead based too.
Yeah…I like green.
March 26th, 2007 at 8:31 pm
don’t forget google, they’re after us, too.
They want to gather all our information and “help” us find it again.
Google is Leviathan.
March 26th, 2007 at 8:37 pm
Can I have gold paint like the the lady in that old James Bond movie?
(Was it Goldfinger? That would make sense.)
Green doesn’t really flatter my skin tone.
March 26th, 2007 at 8:49 pm
I needed a good laugh….thanks.
March 26th, 2007 at 9:51 pm
i think the lady in goldfinger died from the gold paint. as did tin man from the silver paint. but i could be making that up …
March 27th, 2007 at 1:04 pm
ANS is already dead so that is more of a graveyard watch. To make sure someone doesn’t steal her decomposing body for the DNA.
Now Katie Couric….
that’s a deathwatch for sure.
Poor thing!
March 27th, 2007 at 7:41 pm
If titanium oxide and teflon were not enough in a paint — now it has to block alpha rays too. I guess I would roll it on if it made the little voices in my head go away. =) I think everyone needs a lead lined tub. You never know when you are going to need one these days.
tg