April 28th, 2007 by Atomictumor
As I type this, Pigpen is beside me watching The Backyardigans on the TV in my room. Man, that show is freakishly watchable. I mean, its the worst kind of child show, what with the songs, and the cute little characters, but I think there are some sort of subliminal messages in it, or something. If MastaG gets into the sphere of influence of this insidious show, he’ll inevitably get sucked in. I barely have enough willpower myself to look away from the TV to type this.
My god, will they keep the volcano from erupting? And will they sing that damned song again? Oh, please sing the song!
Oops, I digress.
There are approximately a billion children taking up the other 800 odd square feet of the house, making lots of noise and shooting nerf guns, which makes the Backyardigans a winning prospect. I was playing Call of Duty in the living room, but the friggin Nazis kept killing me. I’ve always had interesting anger management issues with video games. Usually, when I try to do the same thing, and end up failing about 3 times in a row, I get a voice saying ‘Dude, find something else to do’.
I proceed to ignore the voice because, hell, what does it know?
Then I fail 2 more times. I feel my shoulders tense, and my blood pressure rise about 10 points (or units, or degrees, or whatever it is they measure blood pressure in these days). I keep doing it, because I’ll be DAMNED if the game is going to beat me.
I’ll fail about two more times, and then I’m good and pissed. As a kid, I broke 2 Super Nintendo controllers in my mindless, Hulklike wrath, by snapping the bastards in half, usually while bellowing something unintelligible and flailing around like a snake caught in an electric fence.
After my little tantrum, I’d start playing again (I kept spare controllers, for just such a situation). I have a bit more restraint now than I did when I was 12, but on the 7th time those freakin Nazis killed me when I was just trying to blow up their stupid tank, while nerf bullets whizzed around me, and kids I don’t really know come up and ask what I’m playing, well, maybe its a good thing the Backyardigans is on, and a Pigpen is here to squeeze on.
But damn, I bet I could blow that tank up this time…
April 28th, 2007 at 1:16 pm
Ha ha. Rootin’ for ya, Dork.
Try not to to hurt anybody.
April 28th, 2007 at 3:51 pm
I tried gaming — I just got bored at how many times I would die. Never held my attention for long. And all my friends were better than me.
tg
April 28th, 2007 at 4:23 pm
I guess it was the lure of the backyardigans that enabled two noisy women to wander into your house and deduct two from your billion extraneous children (a process which took a good fifteen minutes or so, since both had to look for their shoes… how can they lose their shoes EVERY TIME they leave home???) without being noticed.
Was tempting to take one or two more, just to see how long it took you to notice.
April 28th, 2007 at 4:36 pm
Blood pressure is measured in millimeters of mercury (just a little useless info), now you can sleep well tonight. :-)
April 28th, 2007 at 10:00 pm
I think the backyardagains are scary. They put you in a trance of harmony with there repeditive words and converstational song.
tg
April 28th, 2007 at 10:29 pm
I’m the worst. It’s not just video games, it’s any kind of game. Ask Gotploof about playing Monopoly with me….But yeah, video games are the worst. I miss the days when you could up-up-down-B-B-A your way out of ultimate death.
Uh, why are there a billion kids at your house?
April 28th, 2007 at 11:24 pm
Have you seen the Wonderpets? I get drawn into that every time the boy has it on. I want to strangle that duck…
April 29th, 2007 at 12:18 am
Wonderpets do the same to me. They are scare magazine cut animation — it is like kiddie opera.