July 5th, 2007 by Atomictumor
Last night, I was watching Gimme Shelter about the Altamont concert, the bookend on the left side of that whole hippie movement, with its scenes of fear, ugliness, and brutality. A buncha people my age, drunk, drugged up, wanting to listen to some Jefferson Airship and Rolling Stones, while Hells Angels and other thugs beat the hell out of people with pool sticks and chains, and ultimately stab a guy to death for pulling out a pistol.
Ugly scene, man. After my time at Bonnaroo, I can relate to the fear that those people’d have if a crowd like that went sideways. Pressed in, no way out, trying to have eyes on all sides just to make sure some crazy, speedfreak drunk doesn’t jump you and kick all your teeth out. The only security are the people doing the kicking, and all the bands can do is say things like “Lets just all be cool, people, lets be cool and we’ll play some more music.”
Bad juju.
Its probably not what I needed on my psyche last night, after the week I’ve had, lemme tell you…
I’m stressing about the boy, folks, with worse case scenarios rolling around in my head, drilling a hole through my stomach. I spent the last few weeks, month even, in a happier state than I’ve been in in a long, long time, but one credible risk to one of my kids, and man, its back down to ‘charlie in the trees’ kinda stress.
He’s feeling fine, had no physiological symptoms to his reaction other than the contact dermititis where the ink was on him and some slight swelling, which the doc said was normal for an allergic reaction, but I’m willing to bet that the allergist I’m trying to get a referral to is going to say that he has a PPD allergy, which will be a lifetime sensitivity riding around his neck like a rabid albatross. All because I agreed with him and Pigpen that it’d be cool to get a big tattoo. And it did look cool too people, lemme tell you.
The stress is getting to me, tho, and I’m having a hard time shaking it off. I’m snapping at people for minor transgressions, both real and imaginary, my shoulders are tense, and no matter how much I stretch, or meditate, or use those techniques I’ve honed to settle my ass down, the knot is still there in my stomach, and my shoulders ache.
After I see the allergist, I’m telling myself I’ll feel better. Maybe get the kids spending the night at the in-laws (who I completely forgot to inform of this until last night, something that adds another level of guilt to my situation) this weekend, and I can silently freak out for a while and get it out of my system. Or drink heavily. One or the other.
I’m telling myself that MastaG feels fine, and that I’m overthinking the issue. That even if it is an allergy to PPD, it’ll just mean that there will be a finite list of things, hair dye (if his hair ends up as black as mine, hair dye won’t really be an issue), nail polish (no emo kids in my house), some black dyes on t-shirts and such (I already wash shirts before anybody wears em).
I’m telling myself that its just a small matter, an allergic reaction that might never come back. But I keep remembering how BJ and I agreed that she had the flu, and even when we took her to the ER that Thursday, we were just going to get some fluids in her, maybe some medicine, and she’d be home.
Then I think of the next day, the Friday when I first heard “life-threatening”, and I realize that there won’t be a time in my life when my loved ones are sick that I’ll take easily.
So, uh, how did you guys spend your fourth?
July 5th, 2007 at 11:41 am
I have been reading your site for quite some time now. I don’t know you (obviously) other than what you put on this site, or your friends. But I read what you write, I see your pictures with your family and friends, and the overall theme that I see is that you are a great dad. You love your boys and you want them to be well and safe and happy. That said, things will happen! They are BOYS. Reactions to tattoos, falls off of bikes, etc, etc, it ise terrifying! I worry with my own kids all the time. But, at the same time, you don’t want them to be scared of life. You are doing the right thing with the follow up and are appropriately concerned, but try not to let it overwhelm you. Hope this isn’t “assvice”, but I wanted to weigh in and tell you that it looks like you are doing a great job.
July 5th, 2007 at 11:42 am
There’s nothing I could say that would take the stress off. There’s a whole lotta that going around it seems. Nearly everyone is either not feeling good or feeling down.
So, I saw this t-shirt and immediately thought of the old ‘tumor:
Haikus are easy
But sometimes they don’t make sense
Refrigerator
Peace out AT.
July 5th, 2007 at 11:44 am
“I’m telling myself that MastaG feels fine, and that I’m overthinking the issue.”
I’d say that’s about right.
July 5th, 2007 at 11:50 am
Doc is right.
July 5th, 2007 at 12:20 pm
Thanks peoples.
July 5th, 2007 at 12:42 pm
It’s okay to feel scared. Just feel it, get it out there, and keep on keepin’ on. Don’t forget to imagine some ‘best case scenarios’, too!
((((AT))))
July 5th, 2007 at 12:47 pm
ah, babe … thinking about you. praying for you.
July 5th, 2007 at 12:54 pm
Thinkin’ about you, too. Come by the TOD tonight and have a beer with me if you want to decompress a little. I don’t always know the right thing to say, but I think I can be a good listener.
July 5th, 2007 at 12:56 pm
Don’t stress out.
1. This isn’t something that is widely known - it is unlikely that you COULD have known about the whole PPD thing in advance. I’m in the business of knowing, but I swear there need to be warnings out there. Don’t beat yourself up over it.
2. Even if it is a PPD allergy - there are a LOT worse to have. Peanut allergy’s a real bitch. Shellfish sucks. Like you said, PPD has a small finite list of avoidances are not likely to result in major life adjustments.
3. I hear ritual scarification is making a comeback.
(Okay - the last one was a lame attempt at humor)
July 5th, 2007 at 1:21 pm
Actually, guys, MastaG is still damn near giddy about the prospect of having a lifelong dragon scar. The scaring is damn precise, so its a possibility, if not lifelong, then for a good long time.
No, he’s fine. Hell, he was even joking the other night that he’d get a robot arm if his went south.
July 5th, 2007 at 1:22 pm
Eaves, babe, TOD is closed till Friday, I’m afraid…
July 5th, 2007 at 1:40 pm
Ah crap.
July 5th, 2007 at 2:19 pm
You know what AT, he could have just as easily had a shrimp or a PB and J sandwich and had the same type of issue (but he’d be avoiding shellfish and nuts instead of dyes).
You can’t beat yourself up for not keeping the kiddos in a bubble. Going to the allergist will just tell you what you are up against so that you can deal with what comes next.
July 5th, 2007 at 2:44 pm
All I can say, from experience, is that after something life-altering or life-changing happens medically to someone you love and care for you; will always view differently even the seemingly innocuous medical misadventures of everyone you care about. While stressful and sometimes annoying, this is not always a bad thing. Sometime, it may save someones life. You just never know. Hang in there dude.
July 5th, 2007 at 4:32 pm
Your a good Dad AT and I think a big dragon scar will certainly open up some doors for MastaG. He has to be in a kick ass band now.
July 5th, 2007 at 4:43 pm
Freak out, man. Then drink a beer. Then, hug the boys when they get back home. You’ll never take a sickness lightly again, and that is understandable, but you’ll do what you did, , check all possibilities and figure out what is wrong, then you’ll hug the boys and drink a beer. Done and done. Hang in there, man. You do seriously rock as a dad.
PS
You’re welcome for not spoiling the Transformers movie…
July 5th, 2007 at 5:17 pm
I have two boys and Lord what they can get into and the things that happen. You know, my goal is to get them through this life in one piece, everything else I can deal with.
I try to find humor in all situations, it makes me feel better and my boys also. If they see I’m not freaked out, they tend to follow my lead.
Dragons are cool. Battle scars are cooler.
Peace and Love.
July 5th, 2007 at 6:07 pm
“…hanging around his neck like a rabid albatross…” Perhaps a bit over the edge? Of course, that’s your point, isn’t it? A great mental picture though.
July 5th, 2007 at 6:31 pm
“Hell, he was even joking the other night that he’d get a robot arm if his went south.”
MastaG, crossing guard extraordinaire, laid low by a henna tattoo… Gentlemen, we can rebuild him, we have the technology. We have the capability to make the world’s first Bionic boy. MastaG will be that boy. Better than he was before. Better. Stronger. Faster…
July 5th, 2007 at 8:36 pm
Still reading and being moved by your site since last fall.
I agree with all the other posts. You’re a good Dad, amazing actually. No doubt your son will be fine, and I’m sorry you’ve got this worry going.
July 6th, 2007 at 9:54 am
Isabella put on a new black tshirt (High School Musical!) that she got for her birthday. Instantaneously broke out in bumps all over her chest!
They are still there this morning. So we’ll be seeing an allergist soon too.
Thinking of you and praying that you have peace in your heart soon.
August 6th, 2007 at 12:48 am
felling this way, I donna, i donna, maybe fine time to ask why. i donna i donna. wassup with that G in my back pocketeer. i know i had her in the sack but i did it so tellingly that it wouldn’t pertain to you in the way that i want it to, it would just go “my family eats smelts on this time at my friday picture.com” can’t i be a little more realistic? WTTF?