Atomictumor

Wanna know the truth?
I’m barely hanging in there
Sometimes, on somedays

I don’t discuss it
I try not to dwell on it
Hide it all away

Remember that song?
Coral, “I still need you but,
“I don’t want you now”

Don’t know if thats right
Or the other way around
I’ve been wondering

Theres no sharp pain now
No bone-crushing sense of loss
Just misplaced presence.

I don’t feel her now
But I don’t really try to.
Afraid she’s not there.

Looking back is strange
Called her “raison d’etre”
Gave my life to her

But she went away.
Dead, like a leaf on a tree
No beauty in that

No, no poetry
Biological warfare
Stupid microbe crap

But I keep quiet.
I don’t speak about it, why?
Cuz I’ve heard it all.

I can’t explain it
Can’t take peoples reactions
Makes me furious

Stupid impulses
Don’t even know why they’re there
Resentment, anger

Mostly on the web
November, kept me going
Now, drives me crazy

For years I’ve written
AT’s a face I wear well
But nothing to say

I’m hanging it up
Gonna put AT away
With other keepsakes

Gonna be myself
Without that raison d’etre
See how that works out

This ain’t permanent
I’ll leave the shoutbox open
And might be around.

And trust me, I’m fine
You guys know me well enough
Tell you if I weren’t…