Atomictumor

Theres a certain beauty to reading a book on the back porch of your house.

I haven’t spent a lot of time at home in the past month or so.  I’ve had friends babysitting MastaG and Pigpen, and now just MastaG while Pigpen’s in school, and its been nice to swing by their house, cook a little meal there, and sit and chat out in the breezeway.  Its been really nice.  Bos was talking about friends a few days ago here, about how the ‘tumor started, and what’s happened since then.

GAC and I were sitting around the house one day, in front of the computer, as was our geeky wont, and it came to us that we should start a website.  I never liked calling it a ‘blog’, because I think thats one of the ugliest words in the English language (tho not as ugly as some words in other languages, French, for example, being the language of romance and whatnot, has some mighty ugly words).  We had only been reacquainted with Bos and Eaves for that summer, after years of being, not antisocial, but just being kind of alone here in town.  It wasn’t a bad thing, but it was just the thing that it was.  I enjoyed coming home from work, hugging the boys, kissing the lady, fixing dinner, putting kids to bed, and relaxing.

Anyway, we got hold of Bos and Eaves with this idea of doing a local blog, talking about the weird things in this town (like the ‘nearly naked guy’ that lives in the apartments on Tennessee, or the long bearded “walking man”, and a dozen of the other characters that Oak Ridgers see, but don’t know), and thought it’d be a good idea to put some of it online.  In that time, and through doing that, I’ve met people, good friends, from all over the place (all over the world, really), and have been enriched by doing so.

SO, anyway, this last month, we hadn’t been at home much.  It kinda mirrors whats going on over here.  I figure a lot of people have assumed that I’m so caught up in pain, or grief, or something, that I haven’t been able to write.  Actually, thats pretty far from the truth, in some ways.

I’m very cool with my lot in life right now.  Sure, I miss my soulmate, but her story is over, and it was a damn good story. My story hasn’t even hit the middle yet.  Problem is, I don’t know how to narrate the thing anymore, and as such decided to take a break from trying.  This website was my friend, my salvation, my albatross, all sorts of things, and I figured maybe it was time to step away from it for a piece, because it was starting to give me the stinkeye when I stole a glance at it every once in a while.

Where am I now?  August of 2007, as with the rest of the year, I’m in uncharted waters.  I can barely recognize the constellations above me, but there don’t seem to be any rocks in my way.  I’m sailing on, with no real idea where I’m going, but the vague sense that I’m more than halfway there.

And I guess thats good enough, as long as I can still love the beauty of my backporch, in the sun, with a glass of water and a good book, or the good times at a friends house, with happy conversation.  Or the cuddle of two little boys, growing bigger than I ever thought they could grow.