Atomictumor

So I was sitting around this morning, thinking about an audit thats going on and finalizing some wicked awesome plans for the weekend that weren’t really finalizing very well, and pondering on Bos’s truck difficulties, and my world domination difficulties, and the whole 5 year plan thing, and I think I came up with a mutually beneficial situation.

(Click to embiggen)

So yeah, it basically goes like this, we put together a satellite, and put Bos’s truck into orbit.  Once in orbit, the color will change from Purple to Red because of oxidation issues, and cosmic radiation.  It will also grow a front license plate.

Anyway, hook Bos’s truck up to the satellite, which will hereafter be called “Truck Dropping Satellite of Doom”.

As the name implies, the sat will be hooked up to a remote controller, which I will have in a certain safe place.  I will then be able to extort my way out of doing whatever I don’t want to do, by implying that I will drop a truck on them from orbit.

I don’t see a flaw in this.

Click… Click… Click…

Then, rrrr-rrrrrr-splutter.

Do that again and the truck finally cranks.

Whew.

Seems to me like the starter motor is kerputz. The Missus met me at Professional Honda Repair, which has changed its name, but I don’t remember the new one. It’s in Solway, if you’re wondering, and they do excellent work.

I’m irritated that I can’t fix it myself. I know I don’t have the time to putter around on it attempting to figure out what is really wrong, but I’d like to. I have this notion I could save myself money and hell, I’d have fixed it myself. Ah, well.

I just hope it’s the starter motor that is busted.

“You better start locking stuff”

Thats what the ladyfriend (still no name) told me the other day.  See, I’ve always been pretty unafraid of crime, on account of I’m a big guy trained in like 400 different ninja arts, and while I lock the house at night (uh, except for most of the summer because the door swelled up and the lock would latch and I couldn’t be arsed to do much about it) with the deadbolt, I usually leave it unlocked during the day.

Thing is, tho, in the last year, it seems that the crime in this town is getting a higher profile.  Most recently, there was a stabbing and carjacking a few blocks away from my house.  While it looks like the thing happened in a part of town known for having a rotating collection of ricers parked out front, and there are good odds that there was a relationship of sorts between the stabber and the stabbee, this, along with a recent murder, a heist and kidnapping at a local pizza place and a summer full of this kinda stuff, (like a drive-by shooting near a friends house in a sleepy elderly neighborhood which apparently isn’t good enough to make the news) has me wondering.

I wouldn’t say concerned, necessarily.  I think, pound for pound, this town is much safer than most around us, including Knoxville and Clinton, tho I don’t have any numbers to back it up. I don’t feel an air of menace when I go about my daily business.

The conversation came up with the lady and myself were at one of my favorite places in town, a small tiny little wooded park next to the Museum of Science and Energy one night about 8 PM.  We had just had a great date, a dinner out at Applebees, which I normally eschew on general principle (yes, I’m snobby) but found to be mighty damn tasty anyway, and I wanted to take her to the little wood thing to sit around on a picnic bench and chat.

No, we weren’t making out.  I’m too old for that, and besides, I own my own house.

I digress.

As we were sitting around, the only people in the little grove, cuddled up next to each other, a jeep drove by shining a spotlight on us.  I saw the rack of lights on top, and realized it was one of the security marshalls, so I waved at him.  I intended the wave to communicate “hi there, nice to see you. we’re fine here.  all adults, no alcohol, no drugs, no deviant behavior. please stop shining your big light on us and have a nice day” and I think it did a pretty good job, because the jeep didn’t stop, it just slowly kept driving.  The spotlight moved down the woods.

And then moved back on us, as the jeep turned down another road, still shining its bright ass light directly on us.

At this point, we were discussing our ‘dealing with the law’ techniques.  The lady is more of a “yes sir” kinda gal, and I’m more of a “is this breaking any posted laws, sir” kinda guy, so we agreed that I’d do the talking when the jeep inevitably stopped, but it just kept slowly moving, shining a bright ass light.  Finally, it left.

And then it came back, 5 minutes later.

We found out later, or rather she did, that they’ve stepped up patrols in that little grove because apparently, in my little favorite place, some kid got his head cracked open by some other kid.

I keep telling myself that this stuff happens everywhere, and its just modern living.  I don’t feel insecure, but I wonder how much of that is me just not WANTING to feel insecure.

Besides, I know ninja moves.

So, since she tends to be a subject of conversation around here, I’m thinking that I need to figure out a better name for the ladyfriend.  Neither of us have been too crazy about “ladyfriend” as a name for her, because, well, I think it sounds more like a good hooker name than anything else.

She, unfortunately, can’t come up with one herself.  I can’t get onto her much, I didn’t come up with my name (although I did come up with the idea of shortening it to AT, so, y’know, points for me).

So, I’m thinking I’m gonna just toss out some ideas and see what happens.  Stream of consciousness powers - activate!

…

Uh, damn.  I got nothing.

I think what I’ll do is just badmouth her here, until she pops in and starts defending herself.

Except I know, in real life, she’ll just hit me on the ribs until I apologize.  Unfortunately, she’s learned my weaknesses.

Oh crap, and now you people have.

Dammit.