Atomictumor

Seems like I was going to make some sort of analogy to this being a conversation a while back, maybe a week or two ago, in a post that I was going to put up but decided against, but the thought is still there.  Or something like that.

Like how in a conversation, and when you’re good at it, its best to be on a roll.  To start out the conversation, and keep points coming, to listen, but to be engaging at the same time.

In this case, its a little awkward, because, well, its kinda been one of those 10 second pauses when everybody’s been looking at you like something’s growing out of your head, and your mind is giving you something about how it wants to maybe get a screwdriver (the drink, not the handy tool) instead of giving you something intelligent to say out of your mouth.

You’ve lost that beat, man, and damned if its going to pick up by itself.  Your mind wandered, you daydreamed, the other guy is saying something about galvanized siding, and all you have is a taste for a delicious orange juice and vodka combination, and then maybe watching something dull on the history channel.  Or putting the dishes in the dishwasher away.

It could all be folly.  But, hell, you’re on the hot seat, and you have to come up with something.

So you do, and its not at all what you’d want it to be.  Luckily, its not about your craving for alcoholic goodness, or how clean the new dishwasher gets your steak knife, and its enough to get everybody looking in the other direction for a few minutes while you try to figure out what to say next, how to steer the conversation back to comfortable, familiar grounds.

Hell, I don’t know what I’d do in a situation like that.

Maybe I’d just have a drink with my babydoll, and watch something dully entertaining on the history channel, because in January of 2008 I’ve found that theres few things more comfortable and familiar than the tiny blisses, those microscopic instances that to the untrained eye, look just like wasted time.

But to the trained eye, to somebody that knows what they’re looking for, well, its beauty.

Wing’s birthday haiku.
no eggs, milk, plenty of spice
Vegan cake is good!

Wing is tired now.
Not old enough for coffee.
Maybe it’s nap time

Missus took Lug out;
so quiet, so quiet when
just one kid is gone.

I hear Wing crying.
Soon he will be too big, too
old to walk to sleep.

I’m gonna try this… AT told me last week that he’d write again, but I had to write one first. I didn’t think he was serious, but I’m starting to believe he was. I’ve done a couple haikus, but that’s about all. You all don’t know me yet… I guess this is how it starts.

It’s neat. Being part of such a creature that is so much part of so many people’s lives. A little overwhelming, actually. I feel like I’ve stepped into some pretty big shoes…in all kinds of ways. But I’m always up for a challenge (comes with the red hair).

Ever gone somewhere and felt like you’ve been there before? You feel unconditional love, happiness, contentment..like you just fit there? Comfort? And it all seems so familiar, but you don’t know why. Maybe it’s from your childhood.. or teenage years… maybe, wait…ya just can’t analyze it. It’s just awesomeness all around (is that a word? well..it is today). It’s not a place I’ve ever been before. I am where I’ve always wanted to be. My heart is smiling.

Over the last five months, AT and I have talked about a lot of things. We’ve both been healing and “finding ourselves” over the past year. Now we are here. Together. OMG!..it sure is a sweet, sweet place to be.

He told me in November that he is waiting for me to wake up and say “what the hell have I gotten myself into?” Hadn’t happened yet. Not gonna. So there… neener, neener!

I am sooooo looking forward to everything that comes next. Everyday. The next morning coffee together, the next blueberry pop-tart kiss from Juicebox on the way to school, the next cuddle from MastaG, the next family dinner, the next movie at home with “2 big people, 2 little people and a beagle” on the couch…the next quiet evening together after the boys are in bed…

AT, MastaG, Juicebox and I have been a bit strung out on the daily life thing lately. Moving, holidays, family visits, work, selling the house, back to school… Entering the new year, we’ve just now hit a place where we can stop for a rest…it’s been WOOOOOONNDERFUL!

This is life.

We are all still here
Enjoying time together
Finding our “normal”

Treasure all the past
Dreaming about the future
Living the present

Ah….the holidays are over, and it’s time to start house-hunting again.

We went this morning to look at a house that was less impressive than we had hoped.  The highlight of the viewing was when I opened up the bathroom cabinet and found a lovely red wig.    The house is vacant and otherwise empty.

I find it funny and surprising how much house-hunting is like trying to find a mate.  The way that certain houses attract me — the emotions that build when I think I’ve found The House.  The disappointment when I realize that the house probably isn’t The House after all.  Hell, I think I’ve already found The House a dozen times — just from looking at listings in the newspapers.

It’s funny, too, how much I’m learning about myself throughout this process.  That I’m impatient…maybe a little idealistic and naive…what a fantastic experience this will be!