Author Archive

Now THAT’S what I’m talking about

Sunday, October 22nd, 2006

Public city schools in Cleveland, Ohio are initiating a program to teach age-appropriate sex ed to all students, K-12.  The classes will, of course, teach biological aspects of sex ed, but will also include lessons on self-esteem and peer pressure.

K-3rd grade will discuss topics such as how a virus works and appropriate vs. unappropriate touching.  4th-6th grades will learn about menstruation and reproductive health, while 7th-12th graders will learn about interpersonal relationships and STDs.

These classes are the result of high teen pregnancy rates as well as alarmingly high rates of STDs.

It’s this sort of progressive, pro-active teaching that I’m such an advocate of.  I wish this were the norm instead of surprising and news-worthy.

My ex-job

Monday, October 16th, 2006

After only three prematurely aborted forays into the seedy world of residential interior design, I have come to the conclusion that it just ain’t for me.

The first job I had was with an overly permissive client who appeared at the outset to have virtually unlimited cash to put into a renovation.  As time went on and we pushed him to secure the money, the more difficult it became to contact him.  After we had picked out furniture and hired a general contractor, he changed all his contact numbers and email addresses and moved.  To Maryland.

The second job I had was really a commercial endeavor, not residential, but it was with a small business owner.  We were to turn her recently purchased meat-packing plant into a corporate HQ and bottling facility.  After some miscommunication, I was squeezed out by a fellow designer.  She and I have since patched up our relationship.

This last ex-job though… whew.  An elderly home-owner contacted one of my teachers asking for a student designer.  I called dibs and got the lady’s phone number.  After consulting with my teacher, I settled on an hourly wage for myself.  To say my client balked would be doing it an injustice.  She actually laughed when I told her.  She suggested a price that was half what I was asking.  Since she was elderly, I acquiesced.  I went to her home (in hoity-toity Farragut) once to “interview” and look around at what I’d be dealing with.  The room she wanted to redo was really quite nice, and I told her that I’d like to leave most of it alone, and just rearrange furniture and purchase some new pieces.
I went out to her home a second time to take pictures, measurements and to match colors.  After I was done, she casually told me that she has been in contact with a professional designer and that, if the designer’s prices are right (twice over what I initially asked for, easily), she’ll be giving the other woman the job.

“But don’t worry, we’ll save something for you to do.”

Excuse me?

I was hired.  I was given a job, an hourly wage was agreed upon, I’ve begun considering changes and have put time into planning, worrying and consulting with my teacher.  And you call to tell me, “Don’t do anything between now and the next time I call you, because I’ll be consulting with the professional designer next week”?

So I’ve decided to be pro-active and call her and turn down the left-overs that she’s saving for me.

Edit:  She just called me to tell me she’s going with the experienced designer.  She did say that she’d give me a call when she needed another room done, but I politely told her not to bother.

Being civil very well might be the hardest part of my line of work.

Here’s something funner than church

Sunday, October 8th, 2006

Make sure your speakers are on.

Unintended scientific experiment #1

Wednesday, October 4th, 2006

This is the first installment (hopefully) of a series. This is by no means the first unintended scientific experiment we have undertaken, merely the first one documented.

While putting a box of Capri Suns in the refrigerator, I came across a faux-tupperware’d box of left-overs. Unable to recall the last time we had a meal that warranted saving for future supping, I took it out to have a look-see.

Upon initial examination, I noted that the box appeared to contain rice and was sealed. Its contents rattled when shaken.

Previous experience has taught me not to inhale when opening mysterious containers, so I’m afraid I am unable to share with you any olfactory data.

The specimen was found to indeed contain rice (reverted back to its uncooked texture, devoid of moisture), but there was also an unknown quantity present.

The unknown quantity appeared to be small 1″ cubes of an uniform grey color, with small black spots on its exterior. There appeared to be a thin coating of milky-white slime on the cubes.

I did not attempt to identify the unknown quantity via taste test. I am not paid nearly enough.

Searching through my mental index of side dishes, I have come to the conclusion that the unknown quantity must be hashed potatoes.

boca_hash_browns.jpg

Fun with children at midnight

Saturday, September 30th, 2006

Door opens and closes… thump thump thump… door opens and closes… assorted and various muffled noises… door opens and closes… thump thump thump… door opens and closes… assorted and various muffled noises…

I ignored this ruckus for as long as I could (about 45 seconds) and then arose to see what was the matter.  When I opened the door, I noticed two things immediately:  the foulest smelt anyone has ever dealt, and Pigpen.

“Hey, buddy, whatcha doing?”

“Getting dressed.”

“Did you have a poop?”

“Yes.”

“I probably ought to help you wipe then, huh?”

“Yes.”

I open the bathroom door and OH SWEET BABY JESUS WHAT THE HELL IS THAT!?

Every. Single. Surface. Is. Covered. With. Poo.dsc03893.JPG

It’s on two(!?) pairs of underware, two towels, the pjs he went to bed in, the floor, the door, the toilet (inside and out (mostly out)), and the walls (higher than he can reach?!).

AT gets up and volunteers to do the cleaning since scenes of gratuitous violence make me queasy.  It takes him a full half-hour to make the brown room white again.

When AT came back to bed, we tried to speculate as to exactly how Pigpen had managed to create such catastrophy.

Some things are best left unknown.