Talk Like a Pirate Day is upon us, and as a lay Pastafarian, I’m preaching the message behind the holiday.
Yes, its true, we all like to dress up with our eyepatches and earrings, and talk about ‘booty’ on this special day, but lets all go back to the reason for the season:
Thats right, we’re saving the world.
For more information on our beliefs, the church has assembled this handy presentation. Enjoy!
The Observer today ran an editorial about how folks are complaining about a lack of input in city council affairs, in particular that emails sent to council seem to drop into a black hole.
I know what the problem is…
Gremlins.
Yep, they can wreak havok in a municipal computer system. See, the city doesn’t have robots guarding the email systems. Luckily, I was able to set one up for the ‘Tumor. Check it out for yourself, send an email to checkitout (at) atomictumor.com and see.
I’ll wait.
Bing, how about that? An automated, fresh from the robot oven response, just for you. That tides you over. It says “Hey, writer, you took a second to put some thoughts down on paper (kinda). I appreciate that, and in return for your valuable input, I’ll give you an instant response from my robot while I mull over the best way to respond personally to your message.”
Hell yeah.
But, unfortunately, the city has no robots. Might be because of funding. Or Republicans.
Which leaves the cortn.org mail server bogged down by gremlins, all intent on keeping those emails from getting to the sad and forlorn councilmen and councilwomen.
Hey, I was a victim myself. Back in May, I sent a few emails out, and put together a form email that a few other people sent out also. Problem is, none of us heard back. Its kinda like the Thunderdome, where two men enter, and one man comes out, except that it’s emails, nothing comes out, and no Tina Turner around.
However, to help things out, I am busting out with the home email addresses of every single elected official in Oak Ridge. Thats how we’ll confound those gremlins.
City Council:
Mayor David Bradshaw: drb1 (at) comcast.net
Vice-Mayor Tom Beehan: tombee1 (at) bellsouth.net
Louise (Lou) Dunlap: Ldunlap (at) nxs.net
Willie Golden: willaag (at) aol.com
David Mosby: DXM (at) y12.doe.gov
Jane Miller: jane.miller1 (at) comcast.net (also DJ6 (at) y12.doe.gov, which she checks more frequently)
Leonard Abbatiello: Laaaca (at) comcast.net
And the school board:
Keys Fillauer: wkfillauer (at) aol.com
Jennifer Richter: jrichter (at) utk.edu
Angi Agle: agle (at) bellsouth.net
John Smith, Jr.: smithjrj (at) saic.com
Dan DiGregorio: ddigregorio42 (at) comcast.net
And, to be fair, our email addresses here:
AT: atomictumor (at) atomictumor.com
GAC: gac (at) atomictumor.com
Bos: bosphorus (at) atomictumor.com
Eaves: mrseaves (at) atomictumor.com
George W. Bush: mammasboy (at) atomictumor.com
Lou Reed: stillalive (at) atomictumor.com
John Dillinger: reddress (at) atomictumor.com
Now, as in all situations, don’t email these people with fighting on your mind. You don’t want to get a phone call from some drunk dumbass asking if you have your head up your ass, and these people don’t want to get an email like that.
Use proper grammar. Start out with a ‘Hi, how you doin?’, and work your way gradually to the problem, but don’t take too long.
Because the gremlins are watching…
Fetus in fetu.
And AT was bitching cuz I hadn’t written a post in a week…
So, the great answer to the great question of WHAT IS A PLANET is….
Now, the verdict isn’t in, as the International Astronomical Union still has to vote on the proposal, but it appears that the group, not unlike the Academy of Motion Pictures Arts and Sciences, likes to hedge its bets and only submit proposals that are bound to get the necessary two thirds vote.Â
Now, the workaround itself is going to be that yes, the contested celestial bodies are going to be planets, but they’re going to be a Kato Kaelin version of planet called Pluton.
So, in the great scheme of things, this is how it works from little to big: