Atomictumor

“We keep trying to explain away fundamentalism,” writes Jeff Sharlet of The Revealer. And on the other end of this article, Sharlet concludes that fundamentalism is doing the same to its opponents. Those are the folks who identify with the “we” of that opening line.

I grew up going to fundamentalist churches. I know the language. I can speak it. I miss it’s certainty even as I deny it. I find myself rooting for that certainy like a newborn baby.

Sharlet hammers the nail into what I’ve always found fascinating about fundamentalism. He writes,

One afternoon last year I found in my mail an unsolicited copy of “The Vision Forum Family Catalog,” a glossy, handsomely produced, eighty-eight-page publication featuring an array of books, videos, and toys for “The Biblical Family Now and Forever.” This catalogue, I think, is as perfect and polished a distillation as I’ve found of the romance of American fundamentalism, the almost sexual tension of its contradictions: its reverence for both rebellion and authority, democracy and theocracy, blood and innocence. [italics mine]

Fundamentalists make me uncomfortable, But they’re fascinating, too. They’re like those mythical beasts that were a mix of two animals. They’re Republican Anarchists.

I have a love hate relationship with the idea of fundamentalists. I mean I don’t really have any friends who are self-professed fundamentalists. So I’m not arguing with flesh and blood. Any argument I have with a fundamentalist is all in my head. It’s with myself.

There’s the rub. I keep trying to explain away my own fundamentalism. When I came to accept that I am a Christian I realized that I had to deal with those churches I grew up in. I have to deal with that language, that mix of rebellion and authority.
I’m still working on that.

Before I hit the sack in preparation for tomorrow, the first day back in the office, the first day for the kids back at school, therapy, yadda.

We watched Bruce Almighty after a dinner at the Time Out, which amazed me by being open today, and I didn’t realize what a good movie it was.  I had seen it before, but as I don’t like Jim Carrey as a general rule, I didn’t pay much attention.  MastaG had been taken by the previews for Evan Almighty, which looks awesome,  so we rented it.

I like the idea of God being Morgan Freeman.  He seems like an easy guy to talk to.  I haven’t been mentioning much about God over here, I’ve been mulling the whole thing over in my subconscious, the things that I want to believe, the things I know I’ve seen, and the things I don’t want to believe.

Seeing The Beauty, while it was awhile ago, still has an indelible impact.  I don’t see it now, and haven’t in several weeks, other than occasional moments I only notice after they’re over.  Like tonight, when we were watching that movie, MastaG cuddled up beside me, Pigpen fast asleep and snoring on my lap after his late night last night, a warm, squishy ball of cuddle.

I was busy thinking of BJ, and her journey.  Where she went.

I mentioned before that I feel sometimes like I have an anchor in the afterlife, on account of our connection, and I think it allowed me to feel her presence on a dozen or so occasions.  As time goes on, as I kinda expected, static gets in the connection, and while she may well still be there, holding me, I don’t notice in all the other sensations that life sends your way.

The problem is, having a purely secular mindset is easier.  Santa Claus makes no sense, he pushes his nose and goes up a chimney?  Same way with heaven.  What part of the body is the soul?  Thats whats hard to intellectualize.

But, intellect had nothing to do with feeling BJ, or knowing, beyond any doubt at all, that she’s at peace.  I think God would be the only way for her to find peace, whether its Yahweh what smote the Mennonites or whatever (actually, I think the Mennonites were unsmote), or Morgan Freeman when he’s not narrating penguin movies, or maybe Laurence Oliver, chucking tablets and burning bushes.

I’m in no rush to find the answer, but at least, knowing that BJ is able to communicate with me, I’m content that I will find enough of an answer to satisfy me one day.

—

But I think having the boys cuddling me while we watch a decent movie satisfies me more.

We hooked up the horses to the sleigh and went out looking at Christmas lights. I’d like to think my horses have red eyes, but then I don’t have any horses and really drive a honda minivan. We did look a lights and did see some carolers over at that cookie-cutter neighborhood off Gettysburg Ave.

Like the Missus said, we’re Christmas nerds and love homes lit like taky vegas. That’s what Christmas is all about, right? It was good driving by Daco’s house and seeing all his lights. Daco, you should totally run a strand of lights up the Jesus swing. (Daco’s house isn’t tacky, by the way.) In all honesty, though, the inflatable yard santas and snowmen make me want to find a bb gun. That, or rearrange them into compromising positions. That would be best I think. The bb gun isn’t a good idea. Really.

In case you haven’t noticed, but this post has nothing yet to do with the third Sunday of Advent. John the Baptist makes another appearance in today’s readings. He was a wild man with locust breath. That’s enough to make you repent right there. He called the religious establishment a brood of vipers. He got thrown into prison and eventually lost his head.

Today is the first Sunday in Advent, the penitential season of expectation observed by liturgical traditions such as Anglican, Catholic, and Orthodox churches. There are also some Protestant churches that follow a liturgical calendar. These would include the Lutherans, Presbyterians and I suppose some Methodist churches. Liturgics is a broad category that covers many different things as varied as calendars to the colors of the alter dressings and albs that clergy wear during services.

Coming from a Baptist upbringing means I didn’t get this taste of Christianity until lately when I started going to an Episcopal church. Us Episcopalians are also Anglicans and, depending on the church you stumble upon, are big on liturgics. This is all beside the point that today begins Advent when Christians look ahead to the birth of Christ.

Something one of my pastors said today has stuck with me. He mentioned that Advent is a time when we remember how God has acted in our lives. We recall where God has been present to us. It strikes me that this is a wonderful description of worship that is characteristically Judeo-Christian. Worship being that remembrance of God’s active presence in history.

I’ve posted here how I wrestle with my notions of God. Many of you replied and told me to relax and settle back. That attitude of “letting it be” is something I have to make a point to remember to do. Funny how that “remembering” seems like another thing to strive for, but I don’t think it is a counter productive effort.

That letting it be is an attitude towards life. It’s a habit. Habits have to be aquired and I think chilling is definitely a habit. I have to do certain things so that I can cool down. I have to remember to breathe and practice my breath. I have to stretch. I have to sit still and pray.

So Advent begins today and I want to re-member where God has been in my life. I want to put back together what has fallen apart in my head. I want to refocus on those good things that have been pushed aside in my head by everyday sorts of distractions. I’m going to try and be about that letting it be this Advent.

Damn.